Please help me make sense of this

[confused2008]

I am so confused. Know this guy from uni, we are mature postgrads. Have liked him for a while. We are both quite shy so haven't spoken much, but we had a snog at a mutual friend's party 4 weeks ago.

Since then, we have been texting pretty much constantly, I'm getting all the right signs, he's lovely and I really like him. We haven't been in uni for a while so I haven't seen him much since, but we have arranged 3 dates. Each time, they seemed to have fucked up.

First time, he didn't show and claimed he'd tried ringing and texting but I hadn't got them. I had no signal at the time, so this could be true. 2nd time, he said he was ill. Fair enough, he wasn't in uni for a few days that week but was in on the day we were supposed to be going on our date and seemed fine, however he said he didn't feel up to a date. Ok, benefit of the doubt. Third date arranged for this Friday (I'd like to point out HE has gone out of his way to arrange every date). He has started mentioning how ill he is today, and that he won't be coming into uni tomorrow as he feels so awful. I am clearly thinking he is setting up being too ill for Friday.

After the 2nd time, I told him I was going to back off as I didn't think he was interested. He was insistent he was ill and very much interested. He has been texting me dozens of texts each day and seems keen. When he tried to arrange this date, I said I didn't think he'd come, and once again he responded saying he wouldn't ask if he wasn't going to come.

I don't know, maybe he's genuinely ill? Maybe he's just shy and scared (he is very quiet!). Or maybe he is just keeping me on the side. What should I do? How would you handle this if/when he texts to cancel Friday? I can't exactly accuse him of lying. Am I over thinking it? Please help!

[wyrdyBird]

Cheeky little so and so.

He needs to get it into his head that you don't need time wasters in your life.
And read into it that you mean what you say.

Not another second on this one.

[Lavenderhoney]

He sounds married to me, or with a ltr.
All this last minute stuff..

It's not worth the stress. Already he is messing with your head.

Just tell him you'll see him for coffee at uni and ignore.

[Mellowandfruitful]

Hmm. He gets to decide everything at the last minute, and keep you hanging on (you said, I notice, that with one of the previous attempts at a date it was dependent on what time he got out of a lecture) but doesn't like it when you make any decisions about your own time and how much of it you give to him. Not promising.

Maybe lavender has it right that there is someone else and he is ducking and diving around that. If not then he just likes pulling all the strings and having women arranging their lives to suit him while he makes very little effort - the 'you'll be better at booking a hotel room', from an adult, is pathetic. Actually, that makes me also suspect another relationship, as I can see then why he wouldn't want evidence of booking a hotel room to be connected with him in any way. And indeed why you need a hotel and couldn't have been invited to his place, for instance.

I would continue not replying to texts, and when you do see him at uni, I would be pleasant but say if it gets onto arranging another date that you both have quite stressful and hectic lives so it just doesn't seem like it's meant to be, what a shame.

[TalisaMaegyr]

Have you heard any more from him OP?