My partner's ex is destroying me

[Harrassedandstalked]

I'll try to make this as brief as I can. My partners ex is ruining my life. We have been together a year now and I've had constant harrassment from her. She just won't leave us alone. She believes that we started our relationship when they were still together. We did not. She has hacked his Fb, damaged our property, threatened me with violence, called child services on me, tried to lose him his job. She goes quiet for a while and then starts it all again. I suffer with anxiety and depression which was controlled until all of this, I can't even think straight anymore. I've tried to finish things with my partner because of her. She has a personality disorder but also has serious physical health problems which is why my partner won't report her to the police as he feels sorry for her. I'm at my wits end. She has made me ill to the point I started having seizures caused by stress. Has anyone been through this and what can I do?

Please don't stay with this terrible man for the sake of your dd. That is entirely the wrong message to give her.

Sounds as though you will be well out of it. I have a feeling he will get back with his x.

Does your daughter really really like him? Or is she just instinctively placating an abusive person?

You need to vanish!

From the BF, from your friends and family, as they are keeping you in this abusive relationship.

It's more common than you think, seriously!

Call wa, ask for help to get out, get away to somewhere far from the lot of them.

Change numbers/emails/delete fb.

It's the only way. You're in hell atm, and they all want you to stay there.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I could really do with a chat, I've found out a few things tonight I wish I hadn't seen.

What's that OP? Is everything okay?

What did you see?

Hope you are okay OP, please remember if you need To Get away call Women's Aid, they can help you.

You OK, harassed?

We are here.

We're here

That sounds worrying, hope you're ok.

Stalkers often harass friends and family to convince you to give him another chance, making you sound unreasonable.

It's not uncommon for them to fake being stalked by their victims or paint retaliation as actual stalking.

He's definitely manipulative, he could block his ex on fb, she just happens to get his number and he refuses to contact the police. Best of all he blames her when he abuses you!

Leave him, go no contact with fb, phone. Tell friends you are not interested in hearing from him. Contact police if either of them contact you. Consider a well timed holiday if you can.

Talk away

you okay op, I notice you posted in the early hours but hope you're around.

Hope you are ok op

I don't know what to do, I'm so confused now. He keeps telling me how good he is to me and says I've used him for money. I haven't, I have less money than he does because unfortunately I'm unemployed at the moment, but I do the best I can. He'll take me out sometimes for dinner but then rub it in afterwards saying I've wasted his money. I've found out he's been taking pictures of me too. He was flicking through his phone the other night, he'd taken one of me asleep on the sofa, I remember the night, I had a migraine. He must have taken wine bottles out of the recycling and put them in front of me. Another example, I have a dog, he's really naughty and I've been at my wits end with him, if he gets upstairs he will poo in my daughter's room. I don't know why he does it but I fitted a stair gate, one night it dropped off and the dog got upstairs. I cleaned it up as soon as I saw it but dp must have seen it first and said nothing, because he has taken pictures. He's recorded me crying in the past, he watches me all the time. He goes through my phone, he demands to see my Facebook. This isn't normal is it? I'm a nervous wreck, he's going to destroy me.

You are right, this is not normal at all. It's scary.
A man who is good to his partner doesn't have to keep telling her how good he is.
He's also using money as control - trying to induce guilt in you where none should exist. It's not normal to take someone out for dinner then "rub it in" about how it was their money....normal behaviour if you're paying is to quietly take care of the bill and hope your partner has had a lovely time.
Recording you crying? wtf? normal behaviour is to comfort the person crying
Taking photos of poo? That's weird. With this and the above, is he trying to collect "evidence" to use against you if necessary...maybe try to say you're an unfit mother if you don't stick the script of his life? He's even setting you up too - I'd say taking a photo of you apparently passed out in front of wine bottles is proof that he is indeed, planning to destroy you if you don't obey him utterly.
Monitoring your actions, your phone your FB...control freak.
Also, bear in mind what lottiegarbanzo said. He likes your daughter because she hero-worships him and he can have her unquestioning gratitute. For now.
Get yourself and your daughter away from him. Don't explain too much...he'll probably try and wangle around saying the photo with the bottles was only a joke and you're an emotional fruitcake, you owe him one, you're mental and he's trying to help you...basically gaslightling and controlling you.
Phone the police and explain all. Don't focus on his ex, focus on all the things you have told us about him in this post.
If you can't change the locks and keep him, out and need to stay elsewhere, bear in mind that there are organisations that will foster dogs for a while...Women's Aid may be able to put you in touch with them.
I wouldn't spend another night under the same roof as this man. He's already emotionally blackmailing you and this is escalating into full-on control. I can't get the image out of my mind of you crying and him videoing it.
Altogether now...LTB. Now.

What are you confused about? He is showing you what he is, please act now to get away from him.

Oh my god Harrassed get away from him. He is weird and the photos of you are definitely to be used against you in some way that he has already planned. Please start planning to leave.

Call WA now. Today. Please OP. This man is nasty, controlling and manipulative. He also seems to be gathering 'evidence' to use against you.

Be strong. Leave him. As soon as possible. I'm worried by the escalation of his behaviour in your posts.

He has left, but the texts are starting now. I know he won't be away for long. The trouble is, when he does a runner (often) my daughter lets him back in. I need a way to tell her not to without frightening her, poor little thing. He's so good to her, it breaks my heart to see her little face. She loves him, we both do..he's my best friend really. When he's being ok he's the nicest person, fixes anything in my house, drives us anywhere, leaves little love notes around...until he flips and starts being cruel to me. He does confuse me, I start thinking it must be something I've done. He reckons I don't do anything for him, I have his tea on the table, I wash his clothes, make his sandwiches for work, run his baths...not sure what more I can do...I can't drive so can't run him around anywhere, I'm trying to find a job....what am I doing wrong?

Staying in a relationship with this man is what you're doing wrong.

You need to get out now and stay out.

It wouldn't surprise me if most of that stuff his ex has allegedly done and said was manufactured by him. Remember reading once on here about a bloke who sent texts and E mails to himself pretending that they were from his 'psycho ex wife'. Dead easy to set up a fake FB account too.

Let the scales fall from your eyes love. That damage to your property was probably him too.

The damage wasn't him, he was asleep in my bed when it happened, but I do think they are as crazy as each other. I'm caught in the middle of their silly game. I get it from her, I get it from him. If I mention her he goes nuts and says he's sick of hearing it, but nearly every week for a year she's done something to us. I didn't deserve any of this, it's made me so ill now I feel terrified to be on my own. I can't understand how a human can do this to another, her, I begged her as one mum to another to stop it, him, to be so cruel to someone he's supposed to love? He's seen me have a fit, he's been in hospital with me when the doctor told me to avoid any stress. It's beyond me really, I just couldn't do this to someone. I'm sorry if my posts don't make much sense, my head is very mixed up at the moment.

I don't think you are getting any of it from his ex.

You need to get this man out of your life. Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to?

I can't link ATM, but if you google "wheels of abuse" then you will see that the nice behaviour and being your best friend is just a part of it. He wants you to be reliant on him, emotionally and financially, because then he can have more control over you.