H shown his true colours

[PPaka]

Separated
He cheated and lied and lied
Emotionally Abusive and controlling
Yesterday he seemed to be really trying, he agreed to get stuff fixed in the house, sort out new car etc
This morning he turned
Shouted at ds
Would not stop swearing, then started with the abuse
I'm a shit mother, what the fuck have I been doing all week that I couldn't get the car fixed(no money)
I have no control over ds, because he opened the fridge door, he has no manners( because he wouldn't talk on phone to his mum)
Anyway then he threw ds's sweatshirt in my face- I swear he would have thrown anything
Then he told ds that daddy had to leave because mummy didnt love him anymore. This is after we talked and talked about saying the right thing, being positive, explaining, etc
I just couldn't believe he did it

But ds just said "do you wish you'd never married daddy, cos he's so mean"

Then he starts saying, " you'll be sorry, you'll regret it"

And" you're done"
I left with ds
He's gone now, I've locked the doors, but I don't know where he is, or what he's going to do
He's sending texts saying goodbye, and you win, you can have it all

He's lost it
But I also know from experience that he will calm down and be reasonable

But now what?
I was being really calm and being nicer than he deserved for the sake of peace, and hoping that we would figure it out amicably

I have no money for any more legal advice.

Hand over DS on the door rather than let him in the house. If you say he's agreed to everything, that should have been one of the items on the list he has agreed to - he doesn't set foot in the house.

Then go and sit down, have a nice cuppa, take a few deep breaths, and write down your list. Do it on a computer if possible so you can re-order it according to urgency. Then have another , as you will have accomplished something. Don't delete stuff from the list as you complete each thing, cross it out or mark it with a tick so you can see all the things you HAVE managed to get done e.g. fighting with the insurance company about the roof.

In fact I would have a list of all the things you HAVE managed to get done in the last week, you may be surprised at just how much you have accomplished - got your abusive H out of the house comes top! You've got the urgent bills paid, you've had a fight with the insurance company, you've asked for & received a lot of good advice here on MN, you've made your doctor's appointment, attended Parent's Evening at the school. I bet there are loads more things that you've got done, and if you do this list & put everything on it, you'll feel a spark of pride that you managed to get all those things done despite your world falling down around you

Thanks Allergic
I have done a lot this week, more than you've noted, and ds has has lots of new after school activities that I've sorted, and loved them
I do have a list and I am getting through it, it's just getting me down
I don't think the pmt and monster period helped either

I'm currently glueing back together a drawer. This is the type of thing that's happened, things falling apart, things breaking when I touch them

Handover was ok, he's v agreeable when he's calm

Yay so that's ONE thing that's gone OK today - handover done.

I pretty much guessed that you'd done loads more this week than I'd noted, they were just a few of the major things I pulled from your posts as examples. Make sure that you do note all these positive accomplishments down, to balance the negative thoughts. And one day you'll suddenly realise that the "sorted by ME" list is longer than the "to do" list - that may be a while away yet, but it's something to look forward to and aim for.

Don't forget to reward every step forwards too, even if it's just 5 mins in front of the TV and a cuppa before moving on to the next thing. You are going through a shit time, plus as you say monster monthly, yet you are coping so deserve a bit of a celebration even if it's only a few deep breaths before moving on to the next thing.