Being single and not trying to meet anyone

[MrsBobHale]

I have only been single for a few months, but before that was in a long distance relationship for 8 years, so was effectively living a single life.

Since we split up, I'm constantly getting asked if I've tried online dating, if I met anyone at the weekend etc etc. If I say I'm not interested, I get laughed at and told I'll change my mind when I meet the right man etc. Of course I can't deny this because I might, but I'm really very happy not to for the time being.

I don't think I realised before just how much social pressure there is to stop being single. It's really similar to when you give up drinking, and people react with disbelief.

I can't actually think of a good reason to go out looking for a boyfriend at the moment. I'm financially secure, I have my DD who is great, and I've parented her alone her whole life anyway. I have good friends and close family so I'm not lonely, and I'm actually really enjoying having my weekends back now I'm not obliged to spend them with LDR.

Plus - and this might be the main factor - I have recently gone through an early menopause and I have no sex drive whatsoever, so I don't have any needs in that department.

Has anyone else decided to opt out of the convention of looking for a partner? Am I kidding myself that I could be happily single for the rest of my life? I'm 39 BTW.

I'm ten years older than you and have been single since my marriage failed at 30. Not to say I haven't had an interesting love-life and even managed to produce a child along the way. But I have not had anything you'd call a partner in all that time, am quite happily independent and I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind what anyone thinks.

Who are these insecure types that want you to be safely manacled to some idiot bloke?

Thanks Cog. Yes you're absolutely right and it doesn't normally bother me in the slightest what anyone else thinks.

It's just that it's close friends who know me well who are asking, but they are all "manacled to idiot blokes" so maybe it's a case of misery loves company!!

And never forget what a threat some people see single women as. In the good old days we'd have been first up for the ducking stool treatment. Nowadays, unattached and available means twitchier types see us as 'OWs in waiting', preying on their poor easily-led menfolk.

Just ended my relationship (2 years, long distance for 1 year, 1 "surprise" baby born last summer) and a close friend said it would be great if I met someone this year. I'm 26.

We only broke up at the weekend, give me a chance to get over it first! People are funny.

Think the only reason now id like a relationship is sex on tap and financial security. Much happier being single than being in a bad relationship. Much too confident and self assured to put up with wankbadgers ( thanks MN for that term) now ..!

Yes, people see it as something that you should try to fix.

I'm happier being single. Occasionally I feel it would be nice to be with somebody but not as often as I used to feel it would be nice to be single when I was with somebody although he was horrible

Wow omu you mean you've been single a whole week and you're not out on the pull?!

I suppose it's like if your dog dies and someone buys you a new puppy the same day.

Loving the idea of the ducking stool! I'd love to be a witch. I could start wearing floaty black dresses and goth make up. I always wanted to be a goth!

They can all keep their middle aged husbands though!

Yup I rarely drink and have been happily single for the past 20 months (one brief fling in that time, and I do dabble with OD every now and again, but I'm not really looking for a relationship).

Lots of people think I'm weird.

Not following the herd is one of my favourite indulgences

and in answer to your question, yes you could be happy single. It depends what you want though.

I would like if somebody really worthy and compatible appeared out of nowhere and wanted me, but I value my equilibrium iykwim. The same way married people wouldn't want to jeopardise their marriage by having flings and taking flirting too far, I sort of feel like that too I am happy, I am secure, I know it's not 'me'............ so I just get on with life and don't feel there is something missing because I'm SO used to this.

I am a positive magnet for middle-aged husbands. For the record, I don't spend my weekends batch cooking love-potions for the freezer. Means whenever I hear the words 'my DH would never cheat, he's not the type' I can only muster a wry smile.

I have been happily single for years. I love my life. I'm not against a relationship should someone worthwhile come along, but they'd have to be pretty fantastic for me to bother.

Never had anybodys husband come on to me Cogito, but had one ask me how long since i last had sex. The cheek of that question! I still reel at the cheek when i think of it years later!

I'm 40 and I'm not looking either. The only thing that appeals to me about finding a relationship one day is the sense of not being just 'me against the world' that I get sometimes.

it can feel very lonely being on your own and some days it really does feel like the world is against me and no one is on my side, and that I'm just a freak that no one would touch with a bargepole.

But most of the time I just get on with it - I have three children to raise so am too busy for starting again.

Mind you no one ever asks me if I have met someone new.

I think this is because they see me as a bit odd, and also having three children already they are utterly sure that I am not relationship material for any self respecting man.

I have found (another longterm post-divorce single here - think 18 years) that the expectation of coupling up has gradually diminished -I used to get all the 'it will happen when you least expect it', 'you never know what's just around the corner' stuff. Now my single state just seems to be accepted - so just be patient, give them 20 years or so and they'll lay off!

44 and single for 7 1/2 years. I'm happy but people think I'm weird. I like my life, why would I want to spoil things?

Rooners you can be as lonely in a room full of people as you can be alone on a desert island. A platitude I know, but one I've found surprisingly true. People never ask me if I've "met someone" either, but that's because they know that I'm not interested or looking and I'll just give them THAT look and ask then why on earth they asked me that.

I'm happy that I live in my own space with no expectations from anyone else. I can do what I want when I want, with no-one else's standards or thoughts to consider; if I want to leave the washing up for 2 days then I can, if I want to veg out watching trash or sport on the TV I can, if I fancy eating at strange times I can.

I have a few very dear friends, a fantastic dsis living close by, neighbours either side if there's an emergency, and a telephone - no reason to be lonely even when I'm alone iyswim.

CES I know exactly what you mean about being a magnet for "spoken for" men, that's the only kind that ever seem interested in me for about the last 15 years.

Agree with walkacrossthesand. When you've been single long enough people stop asking.
I'm single, 40 and happy. I also more or less stopped drinking when I had ds 5 years ago too.
I've seen similar threads on here and most posters state it's unusual not to want a partner and whilst we're certainly in the minority I don't think it is that unusual myself.
I just think it makes those who do 'need' to be in a relationship uncomfortable, people always question what they can't understand.

'Rooners you can be as lonely in a room full of people as you can be alone on a desert island.'

I know - tell me about it!

But I don't have many close friends either which is perhaps why it feels like a problem.

I don't know...I chat to people at school, I'm on here a lot. I think those things help sometimes.

Thanks gd I am not the only one. One of my workmates asked me with a pitying look 'Do you think you'll ever be ready to start dating again?'. If I answered honestly, it would be 'Not since i've got netflix, no'

I have been much much lonelier in my previous two relationships- one abusive, one lovely but a cocklodger. For the very first time in my life, I feel I am becoming myself. And that self is an utter weirdo

Hi, OP.

I'm 29 and only ever had one relationship that's lasted more than a year...plenty of sex and fair few mistakes, however. Like you, I'm more than capable and happy being alone. I genuinely love it, and the peace and quiet/freedom it allows me.

I have accounts with OkCupid and POF which I periodically re-activate, get interest on, then back out of meeting people and shut the account again. It's a pointless routine and I do it because BLOODY people keep telling me I should be looking to "meet someone."

I know as I go through my 30s the comments will come thick and fast (I already get "crazy cat spinster" from some idiots) but hey.

Good luck to you. I'm proud of being a single woman.

I'm single with one child and not really interested in a relationship. I'd like to date (but OD seems like too much effort) and I'd like a bit of romance and some hot sex but I wouldn't ever want to compromise my happiness and emotional well being for a man, so I think the risk of a full on relationship is too high. I don't fancy the idea of two by two (logistics rather than societal pressure) so I'm not looking to couple up for that reason, and I really don't want a step father for DS. So if I were to have a proper relationship again it wouldn't be for another 10+ years I don't think.
Of course, if mr perfect crosses my path I'm not going to turn him down but I'm not looking. Plus I think a lot of women my age (early 30s) settle big time for the commitment and babies and I'm not in the market for that, so I don't feel the pressure that some of my friends do.
The only friends who want me to date are ones in very nice relationships and I appreciate that, they would like me to have what they have. But I'm fine as I am, and I wouldn't ever want to settle.

Haha Jon snow I do that too!

People are forever trying to get me to meet a nice man... I reply and say I don't think they exist to be honest. Having been single over 4 yrs now after a 14yr relationship I love being my own keeper so to speak. As another poster mentioned you can do what you want when you want. The dc and I have a great time just the three of us.

I have met a few men in the past few years but they've not been exceptional enough for me to give up my lifestyle I've created now.

It's just the same few friends who cannot understand that I'm not worried about being alone.

I have had three married men tried it on though as another poster wrote.. I have no interest in being someone's ow. They seem to think as I am single I would jump at it with them!! And the question "when did you last have sex?" Is a man thing. They don't understand how we can cope without it!!

Spike that is the BEST response ever 'Not since i've got netflix, no'

I don't have MANY close friends Rooner, I can count them on one hand. And some of those I don't see or talk to for weeks on end sometimes depending on what's going on in our lives at the time.