Being single and not trying to meet anyone

[MrsBobHale]

I have only been single for a few months, but before that was in a long distance relationship for 8 years, so was effectively living a single life.

Since we split up, I'm constantly getting asked if I've tried online dating, if I met anyone at the weekend etc etc. If I say I'm not interested, I get laughed at and told I'll change my mind when I meet the right man etc. Of course I can't deny this because I might, but I'm really very happy not to for the time being.

I don't think I realised before just how much social pressure there is to stop being single. It's really similar to when you give up drinking, and people react with disbelief.

I can't actually think of a good reason to go out looking for a boyfriend at the moment. I'm financially secure, I have my DD who is great, and I've parented her alone her whole life anyway. I have good friends and close family so I'm not lonely, and I'm actually really enjoying having my weekends back now I'm not obliged to spend them with LDR.

Plus - and this might be the main factor - I have recently gone through an early menopause and I have no sex drive whatsoever, so I don't have any needs in that department.

Has anyone else decided to opt out of the convention of looking for a partner? Am I kidding myself that I could be happily single for the rest of my life? I'm 39 BTW.

I hate the 'you'll change your mind' brigade. I have now taken to saying it back to them and they soon see how offensive it is!

I can identify, i'm 40, my marriage ended when i was 37, i have 2 dc. I've had relationships since but i am reaching a point where i CAN'T BE ARSED, i see and read about so many difficult, complex and distressing relationships, i just am not willing to lay myself open to any of that potential hassle and all the effort entailed in getting emotionally entangled.....and at the moment i'm quite happy with that. But i do have an FWB so........

I wish I knew you all in real life. I spend half the time wishing I was in a loving relationship; I get very lonely despite having lots of good friends. But every time I do OD I want to run a mile. Jesus there are some inadequate men out there. I never, never want to settle. I know I'd be far more miserable in a bad relationship. I look at some other peoples' relationships too and wonder why they do settle. The things they put up with!

I just wish I had dcs, had good sex on tap and someone to share the odd weekend with once in a while. And someone to go travelling with.

Another who is very happily single. Every now and then I look at pof etc and dont even get to the registering part because I truly cant be arsed. I love my independence, my kids have both left home this year and finally have my own space and no more financial issues and its fucking wonderful.
I dont want to have to consider someone elses needs and wants or demands on my time
I have been single too long now and see so many awful relationships and the majority of time its the women who gets the shitty end of the stick and it would take someone pretty amazing to make me reconsider. I just dont feel being part of a couple would offer me more than I would lose by being in one

bringmeroses - OK, I concede that 'despair' is a little strong, perhaps, it's better to say I worry about friends, and any woman really, who doesn't have a handle on the practicalities of the running of their lives.

There's a world of difference between deciding as a team that this is how the jobs are going to be divvied out but I seem to know a lot of couples where, if the man was hit by a bus, the woman would not necessarily know where to start with the direct debits....

As a single woman I have the responsibility and control (and some would say the burden!) of all the aspects of my household and I can't see me giving that up anytime soon!

I've been single for almost 3 years and for me to be in a relationship again it would have to be nothing short of perfect. So not likely then!

I do have a very high sex drive but have a selection of fwb's which takes care of my needs very well being single is awesome, I wish more women in shit relationships could see that.

only read the first page but will rtft, another one waving my hand to be counted here :)

4 years single, lp to a 6 & 7 yo and no real desire to change and upset the apple cart. yy to other womens' husbands so in some way I can see why single women are stereotyped as a threat...but imo it's the men that need watching and usually the wrong women see us as a threat, i mean the ones who say 'oh my dh would never' are the ones who should probably be worried.

finding as i get older that i a getting even fussier and would never compromise my current status for what a lot of people settle for in a relationship or just to not be alone

The default option in our culture (and many other cultures) is to be in a relationship. I think that's the wrong way round. I think the default should be to be single, based on the fact that there is no guarantee you will meet a partner so is setting people up to fail. If single was the default then it would be an acceptable and normal situation but of course, people could then be in a relationship if they wanted to be. Win-win situation.

Oh, I don't know how to work my tv I have teenagers

The attitude towards singleness is so sexist, too - it's always aimed at women. 'You'll change your mind' is really offensive and funnily enough usually aimed at decisions women make that are outside the norm - not having kids, not getting married, not looking like the beauty norms dictate etc. It's such offensive bollocks.

Can I join! Separated from STBXH 7 months only but never been more sure of anything - am done with committed relationships. All relationships in fact !! Not from being bitter and twisted about what happened, am simply not opening myself up to the potential of that crap ever again. Apart from wanting to hang on to the independence and freedom i have regained I read the book 'WifeWork' and pretty much every thing applied. Such a dull stereotype I had become, as well as suffocated/depressed shadow of my former self esteem. It all crept in so quietly Been there done that not going back!!!! Hooray! I realize I probably sound like a nut job

this thread is so reassuring

2 years single with 2 dcs. No desire AT ALL to get involved ever again. Again, not bitter and twisted, its just not worth the risk...

I am not single, but am I still allowed to sing the praises of a single life? It is absolutely preferable to be single than in a rubbish or even a mediocre relationship. It is ignorant to assume single people must feel in some way lacking.

Also it seems that single men are not put under the same pressure to get themselves a partner in the same way women are.

Another here who has been single for years and no intention of meeting anyone again. The break ups I have had meant I couldn't function properly for long periods of time, I can't cope with all the emotion and pain of it all....and can't/won't do that any more for the sake of my health and well being.

No regrets, just happy on my own, not affecting anyone. Living my own life in my own house, own car, in peace and freedom. Lonely times, but they pass.

I am only recently single, but I was very happily single for several years before making the huge mistake that was my last relationship and I feel just like Handywoman [In fact, are you me; have I been sleep-posting or something?]

If anyone happens along who is worth the effort, I wouldn't be totally averse to a casual-ish fling, but I am absolutely certain I never again want to share my home with another adult.

Ha ha maparole a few of your posts a while back did strike a cord. Hooray (and phew) for us both!

I've been lonely at times since being single. However I was far, far more lonely and far more often when I was in a non functioning relationship.

Wifework is an eye opener isnt it.

Yes, Wifework really does say it like it is, IMO

I love being single. I prefer it to being in a great relationship, let alone a mediocre one.

I keep dreaming about snogging though. I think I need a snog.

I'm also a long term single, nearly 40 and haven't been in a LTR since the end of my relationship with my DS' dad - apart from one slightly rubbish boyfriend.

Am the happiest and most content I've ever been and can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else. I have good friends and am close to my family. I miss sex occasionally, but not much.

I've been pretty much single for 6 years (and before that spent most of the preceding 10 years in an abysmally bad relationship).

I have had people suggesting to me for years that I must feel a failure for being single. Or that it's my fault that I am. Or a waste, or whatever. Or faux-sympathising 'Oh it must be soooo hard being on your own and having no-one to do things with. Did I tell you DP and I are going to Paris for the weekend' and so on.

I function better on my own, it's a calmer state and I feel more in equilibrium, no highs but no lows either. I have a great job, god health, teenage DC, a lovely home, financial independence. In some ways my life is pretty good.

But my friends are mostly pretty flaky and unreliable - and few are single - and I have no family other than my DC, so being utterly on my own without any support is bloody hard a lot of the time, and I do wish I felt someone had my back, which really I never do.

Having rtft in detail, I must confess that I can't drive (not for want of trying mind). I live in a city with great pt though do didn't matter too much.

However, I do hold down a (nearly) full time job, run a household, am reasonably tech savvy and am bringing up my DS as well so reckon I'm doing ok :)

"do didn't" should be "so doesn't".