Advice with relatives needed please.

[lulalullabye]

Short history, I live in Australia with my Dh and two DD's. We have lived here for 3 yrs and are due to visit family in the UK in June. I am not massively close to my relatives and mother in law who we will be visiting.
Anyway, I need tactics for dealing with family. they have stayed with us in Oz and I always feel claustrophobic and angry all the time they are there.
My MIL is staying with us at the moment and I feel a ball of anger in my chest the whole time she is here for no particular reason.
It was exactly the same when my parents stayed. Anyway I am rambling now!
I need to find ways of dealing with myself whilst we are staying with them so I don't end up very miserable and spoil the holiday for everybody else.
I know I sound like a sulky teenager but we have had lots of family issues in the past that I have grown resentful for!
Any advice will be helpful.

Do you need to organise regular time for yourself away from the house?

Do you want to see these people or are you doing it out of duty?

I suspect 'sulky teenager' nails it, actually. You are a grown woman, it's your home, your family... you're in charge. But I suspect that, when presented with people you see as adults in a position of authority (parents or parent figures) you defer to them and this results in you feeling angry, unimportant and powerless.

The mental adjustment therefore is to see yourself as their equal or, when on home turf, their superior. Command and demand respect.

Can you explore that ball of anger? Is there a sub text running in your head that says something?
"Here I am trying to cook and clean and be hospitable wearing my fingers to the bone and YOU are sitting there with the Woman's Weekly expecting waitress service"

or "Look at you smiling away when you didn't lift a finger to help when Uncle Eric was dying and I had to lay him out myself even though I was 9 months pregnant" etc
It might help to understand what it is that the visitors are triggering. The fact it happened with your own family as well suggests it isn't personal to the inlaws which might be helpful.

OP: I think the closer you live to family, the easier it can be because the visits are shorter although more frequent.

Could you rent a holiday flat or house nearby for some of the visit, so you have your own space?

My DB lives in Oz and used to visit with his 4 DCs. It worked better for our parents if they rented a holiday house or flat near by.
They should have done that more often as money was no problem for them.
Instead they had four quite wild DCs running riot through our parents small three bedroomed house.
The parents never complained because they were so pleased to see them every few years.