DH

[littlewind]

Can I ask are there any DH like my h?
We've got a DS 11 months old and my DH loves him to bits. But doesn't really do anything with him or spend a great amount of time with DS.

I think you need to give a little bit more info for any of us to answer honestly...

My DH works 50+ hours a week so I do majority of the kids & home stuff (I do 18 hours at work) this works for us though I do appreciate it may seem he does very little.

How does he show his love then? Love is a verb.

My ex husband did very little. If I'm totally honest, part of that is because I was on maternity for a year and she almost constantly breast fed for that year, and also I was very sure of how I wanted to parent, and rarely wanted a break (only to sleeeeeeeeep!) - so in some ways he didn't have much of a place. I expect I was scarily competent with her, from his position.

I've heard a lot of people say that many fathers come into their own after about 12 months, and especially once baby is walking.

But - plenty are just lazy.

Are you posting because it's a problem? Can you give him a set time or job? I tried to encourage bath time as at least a joint thing, and to always do bedtime story together.

How much do you pass your DS to your oh? Give him specific jobs and leave the house regularly or send them off to the park.

If your oh still resists then there is a problem and you'll need to talk to him. In fact, have you talked to him about it?

I think if you do everything regardless of who works what then you set the precedent for the future in that the man will get used to doing the bare minimum.

I hate the idea that just because you are a SAHM whether you are on ML or a permanent SAHM that you have to do everything. As a mum sometimes you need a bit of 'me' time away from the daily grind of housework and babies so a man should still be pitching in regardless of his working week unless it's truly excessive like over 70hrs a week but obviously I wont pass individual judgement of how other people decide to share responsibility for their household and children

Get him to do bath and bedtime routine and soft-play or shopping together on a Sat morning

Agree totally with bakingaddict. I am the wage earner and my DP is a SAHD but we are truly a team. I get DD up before work, give hew breakfast and then we take the dogs for a walk. After work I take over and I do bath and bed. Weekends we each have one lie-in and during the day we do family stuff. Plus each of us tries to get a few hours to ourselves.

We live next door to my parents and if I'm doing something like cooking tea or cleaning. DH will have little Ds for a bit but then take him next door to my parents. He will then come back and watch tv. I just find that a bit worrying or am I being silly? I wouldn't say DH's hours where really long, he works about 40 hours a week.

I would stop him taking DS to your parents, it's not fair either for DS to be just handed over to them because your DH cant be arsed to watch him for an hour. What if they had plans for the evening? You are cooking an evening meal the least he can do is look after DS. Sounds like he has got set in a routine of 'hands off' parenting and without a sea-change in attitude you'll be stuck with this for years

What else does your H do domestically? Has he always left it all to you on the grounds that he 'works' and you don't? A man who contributes nothing but his wages to the household is actually a bad husband and father - you could throw him out, still have the money and not have to service him domestically.

Have you spoken to him about this? You're obviously not happy with his contribution to the household so it's a conversation that needs to be had, perhaps ask him to do bath & bed?
He may become more hands on as DC gets older, they're not that interesting until they become more interactive tbh, though at 11 months this should already be the case.

Doesn't do much around the house, but will cook about twice a week.
I've spoken to him about spending more time with Ds. But just day's how tired he is!

He's doing it because he can. My husband works long hours but he comes home and he's got a pile of kids on him. He loves it and it relaxes him. He is always cuddling them and takes them out. We have no family so we have to do it so we might as well have fun. Your mum and dad need to refuse to have him.

That's the one thing I don't understand with DH. When he comes home from work I would think he would want to spend as much time as he could with Ds because he hasn't seen him all day.