Help needed-dh,me and money

[Iamabadmother]

Have name changed for this thread but been on mn under various names for years. So ashamed I don't want anyone to recognise me.

Dh has found out that I have been using his credit card to buy stuff and he is furious. Its a lot of money-over a thousand pounds and I spent it all on frivolous stuff like clothes for myself and kids,make up,some stuff for house etc.

I know this is terrible but I find it so difficult to stop-I suffer from depression and have taken medication in the past but am too ashamed at the moment to go to doctors and admit am struggling again. Buying stuff cheers me up-albeit temporarily.

I won't be able to pay dh back much as I only have the cb-he pays all bills,mortagage,food etc.

Any ideas how I can sort this out please?

No comment at all of any sort can be made about how much, in Britain, today, £1,500 over a year is - without knowing what it was spent on.
However, it can be safely pointed out the cb is not enough to feed and clothe children and their mother. Not no way.

I don't think the OP has to pay for food out of that arthriticfingers. Just some of the clothes and outings. You can't say a husband is being selfish not giving the wife more money if there is no more money after all bills have been met. Maybe the OP should get an evening job to bring more money into the house.

Ok - this, as you say, is what you think - so not enough to base judgmental comments.
We are in 2014 - and I would have hoped the idea of a husband giving a wife spending money was long dead. Horrifying choice of verb!
The bills do not seem to have been paid; I did not say the husband is selfish - I said he was an arse and shit at managing the finances.
As for getting a job in the evening, that is not up to the op alone as it would mean her h encouraging her to get a driving licence and looking after the three children while she worked - is that going to happen?

I only got up to page 2, so apols if this was already answered.

OP do I remember a fred where the groceres go in two separate bits, including birthday cake?

If you won't want to answer that, it's OK.

Timetoask it is all very well saying don't listen to me, and I'm quite sure her dh is financially abusive, however, racking up a debt behind his back on what op admits are 'frivolous things' is never going to help anything! If the roles were reversed and a dh did the same to op, everyone would be saying ltb!

£1,500.00 a year on you and 3 children is less than £30 a month on each of you. That is less than a tenner. How much does your H spend on beers, takeaways, PC games etc?

I don't know the ages of your children but shoes, trainers, clothes etc x 4 (them plus you) no wonder you had to use his card if all you have access to is CB.

How can he be a good father if he has beers, takeaways and PC games (not necessary) while you and your children are probably buying the cheapest clothes, shoes (totally necessary) possible?

*That is less than a tenner a week sorry!

Did you grow up being told you were naughty and wrong every time you asked for something? Were you brought up to believe that The Man Of The House is the boss and owner of everyone else? The money that comes in to your household is family money - you looking after the DC ENABLES your H to go out to work. How are you supposed to 'pay him back' when you only have access to £20 a week, which is used for DC's activities and transport and isn't enough to cover that?
If your H, as the only wage earner, is badly paid then a) you should be getting tax credits as a family and b) you should still be working out a household budget based on family income and family expenditure. When the bills have been paid, you and your H should have exactly the same amount of money to spend as you wish.

Hmmm, I work full time and my dh is a sahd. So I am in the same position as your husband. We have joint accounts. All large purchases are discussed in advance. He does not have to ask me for money each month. We both have savings accounts, an isa and we utilise his tax allowances for savings. The fact he is a sahd makes my work life far easier, no worries about poorly children, childminders being sick or on holiday. I want to ensure he has clothes to wear and the children have clothes. They are my family not second class citizens.

I don't understand how he has only just realised that you have spent 1500, surely by checking the cc statement each month he would have noticed. Also is it his cc you are using or are you a second card holder?