I'm really sorry but I have to post here

[nutcracker]

Kinda promised myself I wouldn't do this again, whatever happened I'd keep it to myself but I'm really not coping with anything very well.

For anyone who doesn't know, I split with my dp in February, but then let him move back in at the beginning of June. I let him move back in because I was broke and fed up. I knew I didn't want him back, and told him so but anyway he moved back in.

My plan was to go back to college whilst he stayed at home, i'd do college maybe go to uni and then get a job and get me and the kids somewhere to live, but that could take years and I just can't do years.

I have even considered leaving without the kids which is just bloody awful and I am so ashamed of myself for even thinking it. I wouldn't actually do it, I couldn't, but the thought was there all the same.

So anyway, I have told him I regretus getting back together and he just blanks it and carries on as normal. I think I am really going to go off my head if I have to pretend anymore.

I know there is no way he will ever move out this time so what can I do, I am stuck and it's my own stupid fault, I am wrecking my kids lives and making myself nuts.

Don't mind if no one wants to reply, it has has helped to write it down anyway.

Try thinking about it a lot, then work out, if that really is going to be your future, what would you need to do to make it happen?

Maybe write it down here if it helps and mumsnet could help you make it real?

You are further towards getting what you want than I am...I struggle to do the 5 year thing at all!

ROFL Charlie

Honestly though I think I am hard to live with, really.

When we were living in the flat some days he would leave for work and less than an hour after he'd left I'd ring him crying and moaning, because the kids were playing up or I was generally having a shit day and i'd moan and cry so much he'd have to ring in and say he felt sick and come home to see to me.

Thing is mousie, because everything is so up and down here at the mo, especially with dp's work or not as it is at the mo, it's hard to plan anything.

I have applied to go to college full time from sept, at the mo the course is full and I am on waiting list, but at the same time I nag dp to go get a job even though I know we can't do both.

Sorry am waffling.

You need to be happy, could you be happy with him?
He seems to be getting his finger out and making an effort. Is that working for you?

Oh he is definatly making an effort, and I think if one of us was either working or at college or something then it could work, at least then I could see a future. At the mo all I see is me at home and him at home. I know him being off work isn't his fault but it does pee me off.

See when I agreed to him moving back, he was gonna go back to work and I had applied for a job and we were both looking forward to getting back into work and having money etc etc but then he got told he couldn't go back, and I didn't get the job i applied for.

My dp is only working 2 days a week and has been since...oh last november.......it is definetly trying.
And for YEARS hes been telling me how cushty staying at home with just the school run and dinner to do is...........
....little did he know how mindnumbing it is.
he does now.
Hates it.

Exactly

I think if he'd come back and gone straight back to work then this wouldn't be happening now.