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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm really sorry but I have to post here

84 replies

nutcracker · 27/07/2006 12:02

Kinda promised myself I wouldn't do this again, whatever happened I'd keep it to myself but I'm really not coping with anything very well.

For anyone who doesn't know, I split with my dp in February, but then let him move back in at the beginning of June. I let him move back in because I was broke and fed up. I knew I didn't want him back, and told him so but anyway he moved back in.

My plan was to go back to college whilst he stayed at home, i'd do college maybe go to uni and then get a job and get me and the kids somewhere to live, but that could take years and I just can't do years.

I have even considered leaving without the kids which is just bloody awful and I am so ashamed of myself for even thinking it. I wouldn't actually do it, I couldn't, but the thought was there all the same.

So anyway, I have told him I regretus getting back together and he just blanks it and carries on as normal. I think I am really going to go off my head if I have to pretend anymore.

I know there is no way he will ever move out this time so what can I do, I am stuck and it's my own stupid fault, I am wrecking my kids lives and making myself nuts.

Don't mind if no one wants to reply, it has has helped to write it down anyway.

OP posts:
ponygirl · 27/07/2006 14:56

Oh Nutty.

I really hope he does get it this time and leaves. Everything's crossed for you.

Original poster
nutcracker · 27/07/2006 15:00

I totally agree NDP, taking him back was a huge mistake and I should never have done it, I have done more damage to my kids than I ever imagined.

I don't care about the money. I will be oh so broke as have debts etc but even that has to be better than living like this.

I still feel quite selfish though.

I think it is important that P stays as close to the kids as poss especially as they have enjoyed having him at home with them, taking them to school since he's been back. This also means though that him finding something else will be hard as lettings around here are exspensive.

It means alot to me that you lot are still suporting me.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 27/07/2006 15:14

He was just about to mve into a flat before he moved back in here.

Problem is that it was up by his family and his mum will only help with deposit if he moves back up there.

OP posts:
bundle · 27/07/2006 15:15

how far away is she?

NomDePlume · 27/07/2006 15:16

Nutty, love. YOU ARE NOT SELFISH FOR NOT WANTING HIM IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE.

x

Original poster
nutcracker · 27/07/2006 15:23

His family all live in Derbyshire, we live in Birmingham.

Basically they will only help him if he moves up there. If he wants to rent down here they won't help at all.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 27/07/2006 15:24

Why wouldn't we support you, you dozey mare.

misdee · 27/07/2006 15:25

he needs to break the apron strings and nit rely on hos mother or you to bail him out. there are organisations he can go to to help with rent problems if he isnt working.

Original poster
nutcracker · 27/07/2006 15:38

He tried to get help with a bond before and got turned down, can't remember why now.

Have just found a few flats but they are with lettings agents and they don't accept Dss.

His brother has a caravan but i don't dare suggest that

OP posts:
misdee · 27/07/2006 15:39

i would suggest it.

Original poster
nutcracker · 27/07/2006 15:40

Nah i can't i've seen it and it's hardley habitable really.

Have to say he is annoying me already cos when i said which area one of the flats was in he said 'forget it'. Hmmmmm he's not gonna get one in milionaires row now is he.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 27/07/2006 15:41

Me too!
Sounds liek you did really well at your job iv. Keep at it

winnie · 27/07/2006 19:22

how are you doing nutty?

Original poster
nutcracker · 27/07/2006 19:56

I am ok, thankyou for asking.

I am relieved that I perservered and that he has said he is going to look for somewhere to live but getting a bit stressed by the fact that I am pretty sure he'll do sweet fa to actually find somewhere again.

Local paper is out tommorow, plus the free ads thing so will buy both of those and see what there is. He has mentioned selling the car to fund a deposit, which is perfectly ok with me if it is within busing distance so he can still see the kids.

I am not the most patient of people so am having to try hard and bite my tounge.

Am really looking forward to getting my independance back.

OP posts:
dinosaur · 28/07/2006 11:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/07/2006 20:32

Hi again

Well he did get the papers to look for a flat but there wasn't much doing and the ones that there were didn't accept dss.

He has asked if I will go to relate, I said i'll think about it. The waiting list is very long though afaik.

Bloody typical that we have gotten along great since the other day and I have to admitt that alot of this is me. He is actually being really nice, doing more than his share of housework, cooking, kids etc, being considerate blah blah blah.

I think perhaps I need counselling on my own cos i feel a bit nuts tbh.

Don't laugh but I do somtimes think I have a split personality the way I can feel one thing one minute and totally change it the next, but i think it might be the pill I am on so am going to change it.

Anyway as it stands we are getting on fine and he is off to the job centre on monday which will be interesting and thats it.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/07/2006 20:33

When we have no money probs and other stuff our relationship is great, but I have to admitt that as soon as I can't go and buy something or go out for the day or whatever, I do act like a 3 yr old.

Perhaps I need to grow up.

OP posts:
mousiemousie · 29/07/2006 20:44

Does being with dp make you feel more or less grown up, nutcracker?

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/07/2006 20:47

Blimey thats a good question mousie and tbh I haven't a clue.

I think alot of the problem is that I had a preconcieved idea of what my life would be like when I had kids, you know kids, half decent car, nice house, holiday once a year etc and it hasn't exactly gone to plan and so I am now throwing my dummy out of the pram, but not actually trying to do anything about it.

Dp on the other hand, had all of that when he was married and yet it still went pear shaped and so I don't think he is as bothered about any of that.

OP posts:
charliecat · 29/07/2006 20:47

What do you meant you act like a 3 year old?

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/07/2006 20:48

Sorry, i didn't answer your question.

Answer off the top of my head is , more grown up, but I don't act like it with dp.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/07/2006 20:50

CC, I mean i sulk and moan and cry and basically ruin everyones day instead of just thinking 'oh well, what else can we do'.

When I do that dp basically lets me get on with it, see's to the kids, lets me hide away upstairs or whatever.

OP posts:
mousiemousie · 29/07/2006 20:50

Well I can really empathise with the preconceived idea thing nutcracker!

My life isn't as planned either. I read today that life coaches ask you what you want to be doing and how you want to be living in 5 or 10 years time...apparently if you can answer that question in some detail it will help you to see what you need to do next to get there

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/07/2006 20:52

Not sure I could answer that, or actually I could but wouldn't really believe that thats where my life would be by then.

OP posts:
charliecat · 29/07/2006 20:53

You sound like my dp LOL...

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