Porn

[emtee]

I've had a brief look at other threads with a similar title but I just wanted to see what people think.

I found out a couple of months ago that my OH watches porn. I've had partners before who watch it, but with them I've always enjoyed a very healthy sex life. However, ever since we got together, I've struggled to get my OH into bed. He always had an excuse and wouldn't talk about it when I tried. He would get grumpy if I even proposed the idea of sex and then wonder why I was upset. I had sort of accepted this and when I was pregnant, it was actually a bit of a blessing. However, as soon as I found out he watched porn, understandably I was pretty upset. (doesn't help that I caught him at it as I walked out of our baby's bedroom after putting him into bed). I tried talking to him about it and he claimed it was a stress relief and didn't happen very often. I then explained how I felt about the severe lack of sex and he had a plethora of excuses about how he thought I wasn't happy with my body post baby and he didn't want to make me do anything I didn't want to do. I ignored the fact that I think they were just excuses and went with it and explained the more attention he pays me, the happier I will be with myself. After that, things improved and sex has finally become a slightly bigger part of our relationship and although he still doesn't ever initiate things, he no longer huffs and puffs about it all quite so much and definitely seems to enjoy it.

However, he watches porn at every available opportunity it would seem. He works shifts and I am still on maternity leave. Whenever I leave the house he has a wank, and even does it when me and the baby are having a nap. I really don't mind the occasional wank, what bothers me is when he does it and how often he does it (not to mention the porn he is watching). If I try and talk to him about it he completely shuts down. I really don't know what to do! I'm really not happy at the moment but he just won't get that.

Am I being unreasonable?! I know blokes wank and watch porn, but daily and whilst I'm downstairs with the baby...

I have to agree with you sherlock. If it was just me and him, then I wouldn't have stuck around. But if I can do something to keep my family together in this instance, then I will.

No I don't expect a change over night, but the very fact he actually had a conversation with me shows this means something to him.

I wonder whether it is just women who think that a man just having a conversation is an acceptable minimum standard for a relationship? And whether it's just women who think that having a bad sex life with a man who sets traps or says he does, is a price worth paying to "keep the family together"?

If you were loaded and could live independently tomorrow, what would you really do poster?

I would do the same as im doing. We're a very happy little family if you take away this one issue. It's obviously a very important issue, but if its one that can be resolved with a bit of work, then its totally worth it

Good luck to you Emtee, I'm sure a lot of women posting here have been through some tough, even abusive situations, and are understandably jaundiced about men and their ability to change. However no-one in their right minds would walk away from a family situation which is basically sound, with one major problem, without giving their partner a chance to change. If it were me I'd give my partner a chance to go cold turkey and if that fails a second chance with professional help - after that if he's still a porn addict it's time to call time for your own sanity. I hope you make it work.

Thanks Sherlock. So far, so good :-)

I was in a relationship for five years and found out a year and a half in he compulsively masterbated to porn. He too said he wanted to stop and I think he really did but ultimately could'nt.

What the trying and failing and recriminations did to me, and I guess him destroyed my selfesteem and faith in humanity.

Just be prepaired for a rough ride in a battle that you are more than likely to lose, the only chance someone has to beat an addiction is if the desire to change comes 100% from them.