Please don't judge me. I already know i'm a terrible person and a shit mum.
I met my Dp (I'll call him P because he doesn't deserve the D) when I was 15. We have been together for 16 years and have 3 children.
Practically from the first month of me finding out I was pregnant with our first P changed. He began to push me around and became very controlling.
I was pregnant with my second and he attacked some people leaving them seriously injured. He went on the run for awhile until he was found and sent to prison on remand. He got out when I was roughly 8 months gone.
He beat me so hard that the placenta ruptured and I ended up in intensive care.
Throughout the years he has beat me, called me names, put my face in the bin, spat on me, told me to show his friends my bruises then they all laughed.
I posted on here about him a few years ago. My head was a complete mess and I had a breakdown. I told how he had got down on one knee and proposed to me, only for me to open the box and there was no ring. It was a joke.
P used to go out most nights drinking, he would come home and wake me up just to push me about and belittle me. I wet myself many times with fright. During these nights out a rumour started that he was seeing one of the barmaids.
They would all laugh about how I was probably kept in a dog cage under the stairs.
It was known in my village what he did to me but nobody helped.
I could go on and on about the many times he has done awful things to me but you would probably get bored.
P was sacked from his job two years ago and refuses to work. So I go out to work, come home and clean up. He makes his money is a dodgy way which I won't talk about but it's one of the reasons I want him out of my life.
P no longer hits me but the damage is done, I have many scars inside and out. I don't love him. I don't think I ever have really. It's all been fear of P and the unknown. He's all I have ever known.
My sister was raped before Christmas and he told me he didn't want to know and that she and I were drama queens!
That was the final straw.
I don't want to leave my HA house either, it's all I have.