The waitress test

[DeeJayYouth]

What is this, exactly?

Is this not the idea that a person who acts high-handedly and rudely towards waiters, porters, shop staff etc. is likely to be a twat in numerous other ways too? A red flag.

Sorry - pressed post too soon.

I just read the waitress test being mentioned a few times on this board in relation to red flags in new relationships and just wondered what this is?

My best friend is in a fairly new relationship and none of us (her girlfriends) is sure about this guy but just cant put our fingers on the reason why.

Thanks.

It's judging someone by how they treat people they think aren't in a position to answer back and/or are 'beneath' them - waitresses, shop assistants, junior admin staff etc

I think it's a very good way to assess character.

Shiny new man or woman takes you out to dinner and is on his/her best behaviour to impress you. But during the meal he/she is gratuitously rude to the waiter. RED FLAG! How people treat those who serve them is an indicator of their values. Easy really

Although of course someone can be wonderful in public and a monster behind closed doors, so it's not a 100% reliable test, but true character does tend to 'leech out' in waitress situations.

Honestly, does anyone know someone who fails the waitress test who isn't a complete arse in other areas of life?

My DP fails the waitress test as he is terrified of talking to them.

What does that say about us?

Peking, that is not a fail!
I'd rather someone didn't talk than be rude!

This isn't fail safe
My H could be v charming to certain female waitresses
But utterly obnoxious to some M and F

He sometimes comes across as rude because he is shy.

I shout at him in front of the serving staff and then they think we are bonkers

We're going out to lunch today. I'll leave him to it this time and report back.

Hahahaha! I look forward to hearing about it!
Seriously though, 'coming across' as rude is not the same as actually being a prick to waiting staff.
Experienced waitresses know the difference! (And we LOVE bonkers )

I thought it was either being rude / dismissive or a bit of a lech

agree with Ppaka

The red flag (early on) for me should have been how he talked about female colleagues who were on his level, or above. Or, if the plumber challenged how he'd calculated a payment. Or, how he treated a man his own age who was delivering groceries for tesco, or a man of a 'similar status' in his own mind who over took him! or, how he reacted to an unattractive older but confident woman. That really used to confuse my poor x. Lol. An unattractive but older woman having confidence?? he imploded. syntax error. [sigh] it was all so obvious.

But yes, if you think of it as the waitress test but not limited to how he talks to a pretty young waitress, then it's good to have your eyes wide open.

eg, my x would have been so charming to a young pretty waitress. The test would have been if say she'd returned to the table to tell him his card had been declined or something like that!

My BIL definately fails the waitress/waiter test - I have been out to dinner with him twice, never again - he called the owner of a cafe a "good boy" because he brought us an additional chair over but worse than that was when we had gone to the local indian restuarant and he called the waiter abdul Luckily DP and myself have been going there for years and the guy said to me "hes a bit of a wanker isn't he" to which i replied, "oh yes". BIL never used to be like this - but he gets more obnoxious and ignorant with time and DP and myself avoid his company at all costs nowadays.

My cousin is a waitress and she often has stories about rude customers. The best one i think was the woman who complained loudly that she had rested her breast on her husband's shoulder as she set out the dinner

Dickheads.... let's give them their correct psychological moniker... derive their self-esteem from making others feel bad. They see themselves as deserving of special treatment. Mistakes or bad luck are the fault of others who are 'out to get them'. That's the waitress test to me. Not whether they complain - dammit, my current bf thought I was awesome because I sent back a corked bottle of wine on our first date! -but how they handle it with someone who is not in a position to answer back. Because one day... the person getting the blame will be you!

Another test - how do they treat animals? Don't have to go gaga, but cruelty is a big flag.

I do a lot of recruitment for our office and we have two additional "tests" for candidates. The first is how they treat the receptionist, and the second is how they treat the person who brings them upstairs for the interview. If they fail at both of these, they don't get the job. The young man who treated me as some half witted old fool as I escorted him to the interview room got a nice surprise when he discovered that I was chairing the panel.

MIL would fail the waitress test. She's getting worse as she gets older too.

Not liking animals isn't cruel though, is it?Lazyjaney points out that it doesn't include someone not keen on pets, but does include people who are cruel to pets.
I know a woman that is rude to waiting staff etc. She is an arse, and completely without any social skills.

If the man is too nice to the young female waitress it's probably not a good sign either.
As is being too nice to the young male waiter.

I think it relates in general to how they treat people who do things for them. Are they polite, generous, civil, understanding, or are they rude, tight, aggressive, dismissive?

The waitress specific situation may not be a great indicator because some people are shy, but we don't often see possible partners dealing with people that work for them.

Alternatives may be to ask them to teach you something that requires patience. Or work on a common project with them leading.

You've just reminded me Lweji... a work colleague once brought her new fiance along to Ladies' Pool Night. We were all having a great time playing, drinking, having a laugh & cheering each other on. She stepped up with the cue and this bloke turned into something between a Drill Sergeant & a Complete Cock...

'Not like that like this!'
'Aim here not there!'
'You'll never hit anything holding it like that!'

How he left without an eight-ball rammed up his arse, I'll never know. And she still went on to marry him the silly cow.

My ex P was so unpleasant to a waitress once that the restaurant manager sent her home early, she was so distraught.

He's an ex for a reason.

The point is, it's a red flag, i.e. a warning.

It doesn't necessarily mean they are an arse, as in the example of someone who is a bit socially inept, but doesn't mean to be rude.

But its worth noticing, in that first flush of lust, when they are still being lovely to you.