Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

[brusslesprout]

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

And picking up from WF: gender roles are becoming increasingly flexible in all sorts of ways. What about lesbian co-parents? Transmen who give birth? And in reality, most 'blended families', where step-kids are involved, have a lot of different earning patterns (you've said your DSS's mother works...)

I have been with dh since we were very young, and money didn't really matter to us then. We have jogged along through times of feast and famine.

BUT - if I were to be on the look-out for dh#2, I guess I would hope for a certain income. This is certainly true of friends of mine. One friend has just broken up with someone because he just didn't have the same assets as she does. And it's not a gender thing, either. Male friends looking for luurve second (or third) time around are certainly not looking to rescue Cinderelllas. They expect a future partner to bring an equal share to the table.

Bonsoir, I am not denying that medicine is increasingly hard and unrewarding, especially for GPs starting out in rural areas, and especially given the competitiveness, length and cost of medical studies.
Some doctors are doing better than I, some are not.
I am not labouring under any misguided apprehensions as to our comparative situations and claiming that because doctors earn more than I do they are not paupers (though that doesn't seem far wrong, TBH).
I was merely pointing out that "pauper" is an inaccurate term to use in this context, as it would also be were it used to describe a profession like mine, where average earnings are far lower.
However hard things may be for those in the medical profession in France today, few doctors are literally poverty-stricken, extremely poor or even very poor. That is what "pauper" means.
In the current economic climate it is inexact and insensitive to describe them thus.
I shall step away from this thread now, as I have nothing to add and fear a derailment.

My understanding is that there are tax breaks available in France for SAHPs and dependent children, making it a little easier to stretch a single salary. Both partners working in the uk is way more tax efficient than one earning twice as much.

You are absolutely right. It is much more tax efficient to have a single high-earner in France.

In England you completely lose your tax free allowance if you earn over a certain amount.

Above £100k you lose £1 allowance for every £2 of income.

Another reason to have two good earners not one very high earner, if that's an option.

Yes, and tax rate over £150k is 45% so for example two earning £100k each will be better than one earning £200k, but of course there are other factors to consider and people rarely make the decision on this alone.

I still do not understand what bonsoir does all day, being a stay-at-home-mum to teenaged, stepchildren in full time education.

This is puzzling me too. Unless she lives in a home the size of Chatsworth, I fail to see how much 'household management' one home needs.

Given that a good proportion of today has been spent on mumsnet, I am worried that chez bonsoir is going chronically under-managed.

I am prepared to be convinced otherwise, if Bonsoir can talk us through a typical day.

I think Bonsoir has a maximum of two and three quarter hours a day without children so I'm sure she has plenty to do and what does it matter if she doesn't. Can't see how a family runs is of concern to anyone else.

No, but she is busily telling everyone else that their domestic arrangements are inferior to hers and damaging to their children.

She seems to talk a good game, but her daily routine seems to consist of a few school pick ups and drop offs and making lunch, followed by standing over her kids whilst they do their homework.

Oh ok I see. I just read it between the lines that she gets all the jobs/errands out of the way so they have the weekends or evenings free.

It's none of our business Cream and I understand why bonsoir has ignored the question so far. However, in this house we both work full time and manage to raise our children and, er, manage our household and have hobbies and quality time with the children.

I'm genuinely interested in how bonsoir fills the 40+ hours a week that I spend working, on "household management" and the care of teenage stepchildren who are in full time education.

To be fair I didn't really read many of her posts after she said about DC not needing to help out at home. I always do this if I know I'm going to completely not understand where somewhere is coming from.
Great thread though. I said up thread I spend my days with friends, doing house stuff and going to the gym. I thought I was going to get slated for that.

Why don't you work cream? (Am thinking that there are lots of reasons why people don't work).

It's a mixture of things really. I kind of prefer the studying to actual work. I have a degree in Sociology (which I loved doing) which I studied for when DS1 started school. Then I got married and had 2 more DC very quickly. When the youngest I got a job as a home care assistant which I really enjoyed. I seem to like helping people/doing stuff for people etc. Then my DH started working away and working my fair share of evening and weekend jobs became very difficult and were commented on by my team. So I reduced my hours, around the same time we went through an awful time where DS3 started having seizures and was eventually diagnosed with epilepsy. I thought the best thing was knock the working on the head. My DH is a very good earner and I literally used my money for mini breaks, gym and I saved some towards a special holiday. So then I started day trading at home and because I have a love for numbers got quite into it and made money for some more holidays. That's it really.

That's really interesting, and has made me question why I work and why I don't even consider not working.

Apologies as I haven't read the thread. But in answer to the Op, no, how much he earns doesn't matter to me. But what does matter is money sense and work ethic.

I'd like them to match me I think. I wouldn't want my quality of life to be reduced, or have to support someone else. Equality and the ability for both partners to always have financial independence (ie, freedom to leave) is very important to me.

420 posts in Freakoid it won't surprise you to hear that that point has been made. Repeatedly.

Freedom to leave is flattering - if you are free to leave but choose every day to stay, that's a really positive thing I think.

Making money with day trading is work, though.

I think so too Doctrine.

I'd hate to think someone was trapped in a relationship with me because they couldn't afford not to be.

Didn't attract me to him initially no. Him earning what he does enables me to stay at home though and we have a very nice lifestyle so does make things easier .. Happier maybe, as we don't have financial struggles which a lot of couples may have disagreements about.

My apologies Logg1e. Although my understanding of the OP was that she wanted to know how we personally felt about it so really it shouldn't matter whether my point has already been made by others or not.