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Original poster

Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

766 replies

brusslesprout · 07/01/2014 23:52

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

OP posts:
Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 22:01

Master I don't understand your post. I used to have a monkey job of my very own, thank you. Just because I have another means of income doesn't mean I am scrounging from anyone!

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 22:02

Plus I also pay taxes, thank you.

morethanpotatoprints · 08/01/2014 22:04

My dh loves his work and we have managed our lives so we don't need much money. His income is peanuts to most people but we managed to get in a position where we have few outgoings and have assets.
So how much he earns is immaterial really.
We aren't materialistic in the slightest and don't want stuff.

messalina · 08/01/2014 22:05

I am the breadwinner and i like being the breadwinner. I would be annoyed if he earnt more than me. It allows me to call more of the shots.

Puddles1234 · 08/01/2014 22:05

It's absolutely important to me. I don't work and I never have I am now 26 and this wouldn't have been possible without either my parents and now my husband. We are expecting our first child so luckily I will be a SAHM. We both come from households where the 'Wife' doesn't not work so it suits us fine as it is exactly what we are used to. From reading the replies, to most people it doesn't matter so if it makes you happy and you can live with it then so be it but I would think about the long term future ie.Children and a mortgage and consider if him earning a small wage will be an issue then.

TheGinLushMinion · 08/01/2014 22:06

When I met DH he was an apprentice earning very little, he's now a company director-do I love him more because of his earnings? No but I do respect the ambition & hard work it took to get him there.

januarysunsetfire · 08/01/2014 22:08

Puddles - it wouldn't be an issue to me if a DH was earning a small wage because mine is more than adequate.

It is that I cannot for the life of me understand. Why demand something from a DP that you yourself cannot or will nor provide?

angeltulips · 08/01/2014 22:22

It's an interesting theme that many posters on this thread are saying simultaneously that they need someone with ambition whilst admitting they don't want to work themselves. I guess it's good there are still men around happy to marry women without ambition - i feel a bit sad for all of you who don't have any passions though.

Needless to say I am financially independent and would not marry a man who thought he needed to "keep" me - I find the notion offensive and am amazed so many women are saying they like to be looked after. V weird.

Puddles1234 · 08/01/2014 22:25

January - There is no 'Demand' we both come from wealthy families so we don't need to demand anything from each other I just prefer to be a 'Housewife' and to be honest money is important to me. We live in a expensive world and there is a certain lifestyle I like to lead.

People are entitled to their own opinions wether you like it or not. All I said was the OP needed to think about the future as buying/furnishing houses and bringing up children is extremely expensive and it obviously concerned the OP enough to post about it.

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 22:27

I do think you can have passions for things without 'working' though.. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you have no passion for anything Hmm
I think the main thing is that women are independent enough financially for the worst case scenario. Any woman who has to rely on a man financially is putting herself and her family at risk, no matter how minimal that risk may be.

januarysunsetfire · 08/01/2014 22:31

But it isn't about how wealthy your families are, surely - when I think about the future I imagine marrying a man I love, not someone to go out and work so I don't have to. I suppose it is that I am struggling to get my head around, obviously it is nice to have money, obviously it is nice not to have to worry about money - but surely no one thinks "buying a house is expensive, must marry a high earner!"

I would hope a strong marriage would see people loving one another no matter how many figures were on their paycheque.

januarysunsetfire · 08/01/2014 22:36

I suppose, to phrase it differently, I have been in two serious relationships. In one he earned more, but not hugely significantly so and was a bit older than me and therefore in a more senior role. In my last one he earned far less than me.

It just honestly didn't matter. I can understand how if you both earned a small amount it would make life stressful, but that is (surely?) not a reason not to be with someone and love them. It may mean of course not having the lifestyle you'd envisage but then quite a lot of people don't. I certainly can't imagine stating that I would not commit to somebody because of what they earn!

Ex-DP was a handyman and while he may not have earned a lot of money, he certainly helped loads in and around the house and garden. People's contributions - financial, emotional, physical - are so much more than money.

Puddles1234 · 08/01/2014 22:41

January I love my husband more than anything in this world and think about how I lucky I am to have found my soulmate everyday however I am not going to lie and say money isn't important to me and that it doesn't help because it does.

I just think the OP needs to consider the future.

Also SAHM and Housewives have aspirations and passions mine just happen to be my husband, family, friends and the Arts which I can indulge by not having a career.

angeltulips · 08/01/2014 22:43

Of course, lion, but I don't hear anyone on this thread saying they need a high earner to enable them to pursue their (non paying) dreams - they want to be looked after so they can stay home.

Puddles - your life, your choice - but my goodness you sound dull.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 08/01/2014 22:44

Yes it does matter..my oh doesn't earn enough for me to stay at home.
I do resent him for that.

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 22:51

Some people's dream may well be to stay home with the kids. Everyone's idea of a dream is different. Perhaps they do the gardening or cook Michelin star meals - just because they don't get paid to fulfil their dreams doesn't mean they don't have passion.

rpitchfo · 08/01/2014 22:51

I cannot believe some of the posts on this thread and there are so many of them. It's a side of mumsnet i've really not experienced before.

I wouldn't consider getting into a relationship with a women who didn't have ambition career wise. i want her to be successful in her own right (she is).

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 22:54

I think the confusion many people are still having is between ambition/money/passion. They are all separate and although can be linked, are not always. Some people do not mind that they are not, and others do.

Puddles1234 · 08/01/2014 22:56

Dull because I don't have a career? Get a grip angeltulips most people would love to be financially well off enough where they didn't have to have a career and not work and I'm guessing you included.

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 23:02

Actually Puddles, I think a lot of people wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they didn't have a career. I think it would break a lot of people. It's horses for courses. Anyway the OP was about the DH, not a thread on SAHM or Working mums.

Starballbunny · 08/01/2014 23:02

rpitchfo that's all very well, but I'm younger than DH we got together as post and undergrad students. I had ambitions I have PG degree, but DD1 came along before I had a established career.

Ambition and the practicalities of parenthood aren't always comparable.

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 23:03

That last bit wasn't directed at you Puddles, the thread in general seems to be veering off.

angeltulips · 08/01/2014 23:03

Not dull ecause you don't have a career - dull because you have no interest in being successful at anything other than pootling around at home.

And i could give up work tomorrow if I wanted to. No idea why I'd do that - I love building and creating things, and I'm good at it, so the money flows from there.

Li

angeltulips · 08/01/2014 23:04

Oops iPhone fingers

Lion I don't disagree in principle, I'm just observing that I don't hear any of that on this thread.

Lioninthesun · 08/01/2014 23:08

I don't really understand the whole putting money before the person you marry tbh. You can say it wasn't the ONLY thing, but the fact it was 'needed' negates the rest of the person IMO. If you look at the wallet first and the rest second, it doesn't sound like it will end well to me.
But that's me being negative I'm sure someone will say. I've just never rolled like that. Maybe I would have if I didn't have my own money though, who knows. Each to their own.