Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

[brusslesprout]

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

It doesn't bother me what he actually earns.....but it does bother me that I don't know how much that is.

It's a big secret, dontcha know, and he used to say he didn't want to worry me on lean months (self employed) coz after all I'm just a woman who doesn't need to know these things.

NotJustACigar - I agree that less educated and skilled parents may have less to impart by way of skills in informed decision-making. Though I disagree that Google is a substitute for conversation with interested and informed adults.

My relationship ended in 2013. He earned less than half of my salary; it did not matter at all. I loved him for who he was.

Bonsoir, I don't really understand the point behind being a SAHM so your children do well at school and university with the premise that most (I realise not all) people will have their own children and therefore not work.

I realise education isn't just about earning potential but with the cost now it does make a bit of a mockery of it.

Ambition, hard work and intelligence do matter to me. That may translate into a large pay packet. But if a guy had those attributes and was following a meaningful vocation which earned little, I'd be equally happy.

Generally though, I have had problems with men who earn less than me, either they want me to support them, or they are a bit affronted by career success in a woman. My relationships were just easier when man earned more than woman, although not by a significant amount.
I've never been able to get my head around not working and relying on Mr. Bacon to bring home the bacon (see what I did there?).

This is mumsnet's defining thread. Brilliant stuff....and to think, the OP didn't want to 'start anything'.

Januarysunsetfire, sorry to hear your relationship ended. I hope things work out for you.

It mattered very much because there was a massive disparity. Xh earns just under £60k, when I was in work full time I earned £10k. There was no option for me to work as his job involves on call work and the childcare would have cost more than I could earn and we were entitled to no help and just scraping by as it was.

I started a law degree with OU with this in mind, knowing I needed to increase my earning capacity.

Now we have split, weirdly we're all better off financially. I would be able to afford to work but will not complete my degree until 2016 so time is taken up with that.

It mattered because it was one of the inequalities that wrecked the relationship.

Well, I met DH when he was earning well. Then he wasn't as set up his own business which coincided with me being made redundant and getting pregnant. So our joint income reduced by about 75% - those times were not much fun.

Now we have more money, I work part time as youngest has started school but its in my DH's business so if we ever divorced - that would be interesting.

But I am not stupid, I gave up a lot to be at home with my 3 children and I manage all our money.

The people who worry me are friends I have who have no idea of even what their DH earns or where their savings are.

Amount of money earned is less important than how good or bad he is with it! I don't like frivolous expenditure, buying loads of crap, debt-nor do I like men being 'tight', and I've dated both types!
Being poor can make people miserable, but you can earn loads of £ and still be poor if you aren't good with money.

DP and I earn roughly the same, but I've had to 'train' him a little!He used to waste money on loads of crap!

Thanks Creamy, that's really kind of you :)

It matters that we have enough money to live on, it doesn't matter which of us earns it.
I married my husband, not his wallet.

I agree with this post. DH could earn more if he travelled more and spent time away from home but neither of us want this. I currently earn more but we're a team , it's a joint venture.

Exactly, it just matters that people have enough to live on.

To those who's relationships failed because if money, I can't help but think that even if money were no issue then would the relationship have failed anyway?

Good relationships aren't good relationships only when this are going swimmingly. Good relationships are the ones that weather the pressures and storms too, whether that is health, money, family, whatever. If it wasn't a storm over money would it have been a storm over something else?

When my DD's older she'll be expected to do tax returns and have sex with her DP -

I like to think that my DC will want to have sex with their DP's when they are adults, rather than being expected to do so.

Joysmum - yes, was one of the inequalities that made life difficult. If the rest of the relationship had been ok it wouldn't have mattered that much.

Part of the thing was he wouldn't ask for flexible working to enable me to work. Now we've split he has so he can spend more time with the children but I've been able to take career relevant voluntary work because of it.

It only matters which partner earns the money if not earning the money for a period of time leaves the other partner financially vulnerable should the worst happen.

"the worst" might be illness, death or divorce - not things any of us really expect to happen, but if we have totally relied on one person in the partnership to support the family then we have to make sure that if any of these things happen we would still be able to support ourselves and our children.

I see a worrying number of women on here who don't seem to ever consider the possibility that their lives might change at some point and they need to be prepared for that.

I agree catsrus. When we married I had the high salary and the capital assets. DH had the ambition. We had a pre-nup to protect what was mine (my mum had three husbands). Had my DH had an issue, I wouldn't have trustd him enough to marry him. Nearly 25 years on, I earn less than one tenth of his earnings, yet my original capital is still protected. And if the worst came to the worst I'd still be happy to leave with the equivalent of what I brought.

I earn more than DH although not considerably so. We both earn decent money. He is clever and kind and hardworking but has no drive to earn lots of money, it's not a priority as we are comfortable. His attitude is so refreshing to me. There's no greed or pretension in his family and I've never known such generous and kind people. DH has turned out like them and I couldn't be happier. I find overly ambitious, money driven types quite selfish actually and it's not a personality type I would find particularly attractive.

Money gives choices, that's it's main benefit IMO, esp. when kids arrive. Below a certain level of income it really matters, above that it gets less and less important as it goes up. Level varies by where in UK you live.

I couldn't stick SAHM-hood because I liked the stimulation, freedom and security earning my own money gave, bonus means less worry about DH' job in times of risk.

It matters to me how much money is in my household, on account of having to pay for such idle frivolities as food, mortgage and gory novels.

Doesn't bother me who's earning it.

A study was done; it's official. The quality and frequency of a women's orgasm is directly related to how rich their husband is:

www.nickcampos.com/2010/08/womens-orgasm-tied-to-mens-wealth/

T

That study was done in China. You may have heard about their one child policy and stigmatisation of female children?

Phallic ROFL but I may be too old PMSL.

MotherInferior I nipped to Sainsbury's on the way home tonight and very carefully spent £15 to avoid parking, went down on my knees to retrieve the trolley pound I dropped and thought carefully about treating us to four mini trifles reduced to 45p each. Just had one - yum.

When I unpacked; saw DH had left his bank statement on the kitchen counter. He had the cheek to tell me not to buy any extras this month after the expense of Christmas.

He's lucky I'm a tight wad too because wtff - it's a good job we know each other well enough to laugh about it. Books hairdresser for full works before pay day