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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, my life been a 'well known' joke for 6 month.......cheating liar..

64 replies

oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 14:19

Okay, so things not been the best and he left just before xmas....

But now find out he's been with someone else for 6 bloody months, stashing money, lying about work, telling everyone lies about me, blaming me for things that haven't even happened to gain sympathy from his friends, all to set up this new life of his with this other person -

I couldn't of give a shit when he left, we were not getting on, but now I know why, it was all planned -

I'm so bloody hurt, and just feel totally stupid for not knowing, the fact so many people I thought were friends were involved in this is hurting so much, what the bloody hell has he told them, it's all lies, just to set himself up with someone else??? why do that?? Money is why, used me and the kids to set himself up -

And now they all gone on holiday together I've found out -

Arsehole

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 14:31

He should have just left us, not this, I'm in bits -

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere · 07/01/2014 14:35

How horrid. He is not worth your tears.

Hold your head high in the safe knowledge you have not done the things he has said. Look at the money as a fee... for getting rid of this horrid man.

Chyochan · 07/01/2014 14:53

Your feeling bad because hes taken all your power away in this relationship/ breakup by manipulating you and lying his head off.

Its a nasty, painful feeling when you realise youve been screwed over this way, sadly I suspect its quite common.
dont worry too much about his lies convincing other people, people are not as gulible as he may like to think and I bet many of his friends know what he is like even if they would not actually say it.

He will always be a pathetic sad sack of desperate selfinterest.
Would anyone in their right mind want to be this guy at the end of the day, I doubt it.

Some people are just a f*ing waste of oxygen.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 14:56

He's told everyone I'm Bipolar!!! (I am not!!), that I shout all the time at him (which if you knew me is so far from the truth, if it wasn't so hurtful I'd laugh at it....)

It's not that he's with someone else, i dont care, but he's been lying to us for 6 months, sleeping with me (and someone else, I feel sick at the thought), just biding his time, saving his money, to leave -

OP posts:
Chyochan · 07/01/2014 15:07

He sounds like a real prince, lucky new gf. Not.
Guess she did'nt mind sharing though so sounds like they kind of deserve each other.

Anyone who knows you well or cares to think about it will know what hes saying about you is a crock of sh*te, and as for anyone else, who cares about them anyway, life is too short to worry about what people you hardly know, or those who want to think the worst of you think.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 15:15

I think his lies don't stop with me, he's very good at it -

He's told people I'm sick, so guessing he's used that as an excuse to 'be away', from her - I've heard enough at present to be honest, so really do not want to hear anymore -

Hope they have a lovely holiday, we have never, I've been a total doormat -

Still, hope to think him calling me a 'baby killer' for having a miscarriage was his last shot at me kicking him out, it worked for him obviously -

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 15:21

"it's all lies, just to set himself up with someone else??? why do that?? "

A cowardly person will do anything rather than have others know the truth. He's a liar. Lied to you, lied to friends, almost definitely lied to the new woman. He's woven this huge story in which he is the victim, others have chosen to go along with it for now but, trust me, he's on borrowed time. If they haven't seen through the bullshit already, they will soon.

All you can do is hold your head high, be with people that you can trust and not participate in this one-man remake of Billy Liar. Good luck

Chyochan · 07/01/2014 15:23

He sounds like a pathetic exscuse for a person.

I really hope you can move on as quickly as possible and thank goodness hes out of your life, god knows what someone like that could get up to.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 15:27

cogito I don't want to talk to anyone right now - they all knew - no one told me - He's a manipulative shit, so I don't blame anyone -

But they all now on holiday together, posting their happy pictures on twitter -

My friends hey -

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Mrscaindingle · 07/01/2014 15:30

It sounds like you're well rid and I'm sure the OW has no idea what she has let herself in for. Not that you need concern yourself with that,you will need all your energy for yourself and your Dc to get through this.

Stay on these boards, MN has helped me immeasurably over the past 6 months since my ex left me and 2 DC, especially in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep for raging at the injustice of it all.

The people who matter will see through his lies, I've really found out who my friends are these past few months.

Look after yourself.

Mrscaindingle · 07/01/2014 15:34

I think it's especially hard with FB and twitter rubbing your nose in it, I've still not been able to completely wean myself off periodically checking OW's twitter posts and her smug boasting about how loved up she is has been hard to bear at times.

It's like having a sore you keep picking at despite knowing you shouldn't.

nancerama · 07/01/2014 15:35

If a "friend" of mine left his wife because she was bipolar, I would think less of him for his lack of support. To make something like that up is totally bizarre. What a shameful thing for him to do.

I'm so sorry to hear that your friends have been taken in by this. You WILL be able to make a fresh start, but right now, be gentle with yourself.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 15:39

"they all knew - no one told me "

In fairness to friends, knowing and telling are two sides of a chasm. Few people feel comfortable getting in the middle of someone else's personal/relationship problems. It's not exactly easy to go to a friend, say 'Hey there oopsadaisyme. I hear you're a bi-polar nightmare and btw, your old man has got his eye on someone else'.

If you're happy to do without these people in your life move swiftly on. However, if you thought you were particularly close to any of them I recommend a quiet one-on-one conversation rather than trying to tackle the pack or do something daft like a FB character assassination.

Were you married? Kids?

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 15:45

mrs thanks xx I am thankful to be able to post on here - it just seems I finding new stuff out daily, (have come off FB by the way, don't want to know anything in detail), will come off twitter now also - can't look at this anymore)

I'm thankful to the friend that 'filled me in', but have fallen out with her because she has known for ages, (don't shoot the messenger I know, but come on.......)

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AnyFucker · 07/01/2014 15:53

I am very sorry to hear this. True friends would have told you. This one that did, at least she got there eventually ?

Very horrible feeling to be the "last to know" which is when threads come up asking "would you tell" I usually say yes.

Don't feel stupid though. You tried but he had obviously already "gone" and you weren't to know.

Divinity · 07/01/2014 16:00

What you're feeling is betrayal. You are not stupid. Making up a mental illness is common among cheating men trying to shift his own guilt. He's trying to cover up his own limitations. You are well rid of him.

Do you want to keep the friend that eventually told you?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 16:02

How old is everyone in this story? All sounds a bit playground...

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 16:04

So why use us??

We have been struggling to pay debts all year, the kids had nothing off him this xmas, now he's in Vegas??? Got a plush appartment in the city with new bird, and we are in debt to our eyeballs -

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Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 16:05

cogito playground??? He's 45, I'm 34 - why playground?

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 16:08

divinity yes of course, but not for now, trust wall well and truely up, and just don't want to hear anything else, for now -

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Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 16:11

cogito thinking about it actually your totally right!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 16:12

I dunno... the lies have a teenage feel to them, they've all gone on holiday together, Facebook, Twitter... If he's 45 then it's very immature stuff.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 07/01/2014 16:18

cognito yes, your right, (he's in a job that does include alot of 'younger people', and nightlife, so not so much if you knew what he did for a living)

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 16:20

Pony-tail?

wavesandsmiles · 07/01/2014 16:21

Hey oops, it is such a horrible feeling, I know. My stbxh did very similar in terms of telling the world that I was a "lunatic" "worst mistake of his life" "total nutter" "abusive to his DSs", and a whole lot more! Truth was, I was hospitalized with severe hyperemesis, pregnant with our (planned for) son. Do you know, it actually hurt MORE that he was telling all these other people that stuff, that all these people thought that I was the reason things ended, that I was all that he said, that hurt more than the fact that he had been such a twunt, that he was bragging about celebrating the birth of the baby with "beer and fanny".

It is a huge betrayal. And motivated by his guilt. He sounds like my stbxh, still stuck in a playground popularity contest. If people knew the truth, they would not want to be his friends. He therefore creates a fiction, so that he is not left alone. Maybe he even believes it himself?

But it will all come crashing down one day. And the people who REALLY matter to you, they will know the truth. It will get better, but it hurts like hell at first.

I hope it doesn't hurt for too long, and glad that he is well away from you now

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