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Original poster

women dating ' just for fun'

27 replies

Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 07:46

Ive not had sex for a year, so despite not really wanting a relationship, ive joined a few dating sites with the view to going out, having an enjoyable time, and if i feel like it, getting some :)

This doesnt seem to have gone down too well with friends of mine, ive been advised im misleading men and have no morals nor self respect.

Wondering if my friends are just being blinkered or if im going to be viewed as some kind of slut.

OP posts:
onthetrainoflife · 05/01/2014 07:54

I am a male, so given the wiring difference I see nothing wrong , in fact I have been out with some lovely ladies had a good meal, great conversation and a fun evening and sometimes a little more. ( and some are now friends with benefits)
Guess it’s not the sort of thing you want to make known as most of the women I have spoken to also say friends would string me up

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2014 07:55

Are your friends part of some throwback religious sect? Recently awakened from a sixty year coma? Trapped in miserable marriages? Dating is all about fun and, provided you're clear with your dates on what you want out of the experience, there's no immorality whatsoever. Sounds like they're jealous of your freedom, quite honestly. I'd be making new friends.

Jengnr · 05/01/2014 07:56

Your friends are wrong. Why should not wanting a relationship get in the way of your sex life?

Have a good time, wrap up. :)

FolkGirl · 05/01/2014 07:57

Well, you're not misleading anyone if you're open and upfront about what it is you're doing.

On reflection, it's pretty much what I did when I was OD.

I used to talk about it with some of my friends. I went on a few dates with one particular man. It would never have worked LT for a number of reasons but we got on well and had a few things in common. We had sex. We didn't see each other again. We chatted and parted on good terms but you'd have thought I'd been dumped naked in the street the way some of my friends reacted! When in fact, I really just wanted to have sex with him but not be in a relationship.

Some people still have difficulty accepting that sex is not something men do to women and against which we must defend ourselves. Because of this, some people think that if women want sex without all the other lovely stuff (that women are supposed to want) then that indicates no self respect and is a cause for concern...

Original poster
Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 08:02

Most of my friends are younger than me so i cant blame out of date attitudes when they are in their twenties. My older friends have mostly thought its a good idea. My mother would have a fit, but she doesnt have to know.

Ive been single for a long time, I can either continue having no sex or intimacy while I wait an indefinate amount of time for Mr Right or I can have some fun on my terms while im.waiting. Thats the way I see it. Otherwise my years absinence could quite easily turn into 2 or 3 and I think thats a waste.

OP posts:
Tikkamasala · 05/01/2014 08:04

I think you have a good attitude and I don't see why it's a problem. Friends sound like prudes.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2014 08:05

In a way it's even more disturbing if young women are trying to guilt-trip you down the aisle.. Hmm Why would your mother have a fit at the idea of you dating? Does she think you're a virgin?

Original poster
Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 08:05

Folkgirl, I understand that. I have enough self respect that I know I want some sex and dont feel bad for saying so.

A relationship would be nice, with the right person but I feel like ive cut my nose off to spite my face a bit.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2014 08:08

I suppose the only caveat is that the world of online dating can attract some unsavoury types. Married men looking for no-strings, for example. If you set yourself up as a no-strings option, that's fine, but just keep your wits about you and be safety conscious rather than taking anyone completely on face value

FolkGirl · 05/01/2014 08:10

I think you sound spot on, tbh!

A relationship would be nice, but enough self respect and confidence to know that you can have sex just for the sake of sex if you meet someone suitable and don't feel bad for saying so.

I don't understand your last comment though. Why do you feel like you've cut off your nose to spite your face?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2014 08:12

I think the nose/face remark is that, by holding out for some real deal relationship prospect, the OP isn't getting any.... :)

Original poster
Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 08:12

Cognito, She wouldnt like me being so free with myself, she tends to think women are quite passive in a dating sense.

I dont think younger friends are trying to get me up the asile, more that they have been with partners since theywere younger and maybe inexperienced.

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 05/01/2014 08:13

I cannot see anything wrong with what you want to do as long as you are being honest both with yourself and others. I do find it slightly odd when you say 'sex or intimacy'. I cannot see anything intimate about sex with a virtual stranger and it is confusing physical sex with intimacy that can lead to problems.

FolkGirl · 05/01/2014 08:13

Ah thanks cog. Smile

Original poster
Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 08:16

Thats what I meant Cognito. By holding out im missing out alot. Its a shame as i really like sex too.

I wouldnt put on my dating profile that im looking for nostrings. It would be more, if it happens, great and that im not really looking at long term prospects when i agree to a date..

OP posts:
Original poster
Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 08:18

Larry. I mean kissing, Touching, that kind of thing. You dont get that with a vibrator.

OP posts:
1983mummy · 05/01/2014 08:21

I think you should go for it. People these days have such random views on sex it's weird. For me having come out of a long term relationship since being a teenager my view has changed and I'm in your camp. I think you just go into things thinking that you're not sure what you're looking for and let fate decide - have fun and be safe!

MasterP0 · 05/01/2014 08:26

Baked just as long as you don't then start falling for the Mr Bootycall/FWB and wanting more, you know how we females can get all emotional and shit! If YOU can handle that with little/zero emotional attachment GO FOR IT! Stay Safe, Have Fun!

Original poster
Bakedpies · 05/01/2014 08:29

I think thats a silly stereotype Masterpo. Not everyone is the same with these things. Its just sex.
And im not going to be anyones bootycall.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 05/01/2014 08:58

Bakedpies Absolutely agree with you - it's the skin contact, feeling the warmth of another person, touch...

And it is entirely possible to enjoy these with a 'stranger' if you've chatted a bit before hand and built up a rapport, go on a date and find there is still an attraction when you meet.

SoleSource · 18/01/2014 20:02

I can't do this. I feel that for me it is wrong as I am scared of being hurt also. I wish I didn't have such hang ups about it but I do:(

Suelford · 18/01/2014 23:08

If you've decided that you definitely don't want a LTR in the future, I do think you should be open about that on your page, so people who are looking for that won't get their hopes up.

But if you've just decided that you're not looking to find a LTR, but are open to one if the circumstances were right, then go ahead.

Blondeorbrunette · 18/01/2014 23:59

Go for it, but be careful.

Some are swingers that try the more popular sites such as plenty of fish and if you saw their profiles and read their verifications you would double bag it!

Lazyjaney · 19/01/2014 11:34

"Wondering if my friends are just being blinkered"

Envious maybe? It's the 21st century, women are allowed to seek sex without lurve.

Mintymoomoo · 19/01/2014 11:42

You state on these dating sites what your intentions are I.e looking for relationship/ casual dating no commitment!

I think as long as your upfront about your intentions then your doing nothing wrong! The men who contact you will have a choice!

I say enjoy a bit of attention, and have fun