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Original poster

Save our sex life!! (contaception)

59 replies

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 03/01/2014 15:17

I'm frustrated - literally!

DP and I used to be an 'every other day' couple. We've been together for 5 years but were friends for ages before. Initially we used condoms but tbh, quite quickly we 'relied on' withdrawal as neither of us were against having children (no step kids involved on either side)

We decided to ttc and I got a bfp after 6 months - all great, DS is now nearly 2.

BUT - our sex life is SHITE!

DP hates condoms and tbh, I think he'd rather not have sex than have to rely on them. I can't use the pill - I have high blood pressure. I don't really want to have the coil fitted as I've read lots of horror stories.

I am almost certain that DS will be an only, although we're gutted as we'd both like lots of children. My BP nearly killed me and DS - ended up with an emcs after a routine scan at 33 weeks. He was ill for a long time and the guilt was horrendous. Meds I'm on mean that I can't ttc whilst on them but would be at ris f stroke etc without them. Falling pregnant accidentally would be disastrous.

I can't face permanent contraception yet - it'd make things too final but what do we do? I miss our sex life, DP is less bothered and values a good night's kip more at the minute but I think it's because we're out of the habit.

Help!!

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 03/01/2014 16:22

I have high BP and I'm 44 and I've just had my second Merina fitted. 5yrs 7months with the first and I'm second month in with my second and I can't recommend it highly enough if your medically suitable. Yep no periods but I see that as a bonus and no pmt, or weight gain or any other horrors and once removed it I am lead to believe your fertility returns virtually straight away if you decide to ttc.

Lweji · 03/01/2014 16:24

Why don't you store his sperm and then he gets the snip?

scaevola · 03/01/2014 16:34

There is a male 'implant' under development (RISUG), and it looks promising. It's a reversible block to the vas - so like vasectomy you'd need to wait for an all clear after the procedure, but unlike vasectomy, the tubes can be cleared by dissolving the block.

The last I heard there were more toxicological tests going on to establish safety, and I think more work being done to establish a) if reversibility really is as good as they think and b) how long it stays effective for.

Matildathecat · 03/01/2014 16:49

For me the Mirena is amazing. So amazing I've had one after the other for 20 years. I did feel a bit anxious for the first year or two about being pregnant without realising but did a few pregnancy tests to confirm I wasn't and quite soon I stopped feeling like that.

Being period free is fantastic.

Please don't be offended but you seem to have ruled out several sensible suggestions without trying them. If you can't risk pregnancy but want a satisfying sex life you need reliable contraception. We are a generation of women lucky enough to have choices. Go to a family planning clinic and ask for all the options and maybe be prepared to try things you seem to have ruled out. You might find something you think is hopeless is, in fact just right for you.

redundantandbitter · 03/01/2014 17:44

Lweji - I was wondering how long it would take til someone suggested the snip. Really, seems the best option so far .

ilovepowerhoop · 03/01/2014 17:53

Would a mini pill not be an option? or if you didn't want hormones a copper coil is another option and you would still get periods with that

ROARmeow · 03/01/2014 19:18

I've been bleeding constantly due to the implant, so that's pretty much no fun at all. Have bled pretty much daily since August Hmm

Booked it to get it removed later this month (before I do it myself with a kitchen knife).

YOUCANBEMYFRIENDIFYOUBUYMECAKE · 03/01/2014 22:00

coil? you won't need to use condoms then and its calmed down period pain loads!!!

Thants · 03/01/2014 22:06

You don't need to risk pregnancy to have sex just don't have penetrative sex. Oral, mutual masturbation, toys you can experiment! And no risk! Just as much fun with none of the stress.

Joysmum · 03/01/2014 22:07

Go to your local CASH (contraception and sexual health) clinic. They know all the options and will be able to talk through your options and concerns with far more authority than non-experts on a forum.

ILoveFrogs · 03/01/2014 22:09

I have the copper coil and I honestly have no major issues with it, my period is probably slightly heavier and they used to be and last for around 5 days rather than the 3/4 they used to. I can't sing its praises enough.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 03/01/2014 22:12

I have a copper coil. Had one before kids, had them since too. They're brilliant and no hormones. Never had a problem at all. Love it infact.

I wouldn't go looking at horror stories online about them, go and have a chat a FPC about your options. See what they recommend. Don't scare yourself, there's pros and cons to all options.

TheFuzz · 03/01/2014 23:55

Just a pointer about the snip. There are high risk factors in the procedure. I fell fowl of this and it's ruined our sex life as I developed PVPS. I suspect a block would be similar in causing PVPS.

Just trying to get things back on track after 15 months of agony, and a further invasive surgical procedure, although if things don't improve rapidly, I will lose a testicle.

Surgery of any sort is risky.

Horsemad · 04/01/2014 00:10

Try the diaphragm; you can put it in upto 3hrs before sex, so you can still be spontaneous.
No hormones messing up your system. Ideal!

Original poster
BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 04/01/2014 08:45

Matilda - not offended at all. i said up thread that i knew i was being negative, and i know that women have many more choices now. Thing is though many of them aren't appealing - pain on insertion for coils / implants... risk of bleeding for months on end etc. Weight gain / irregular bleeding... Yes, we have choices but it seems a lot to put up with alongside!

I'll make an appointment - swaying towards copper coil or implant but tbh I'm not keen on either option! Sorry, don't mean to be dour and really do appreciate everyone's advice.

Really interesting info on the male options - definitely something i'd like DP to look into. No way will he have the snip!

OP posts:
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 04/01/2014 08:56

I have to say it was a short, sharp pain for the coil. Although the one put in 6 weeks after my son, didn't hurt at all. And then you get 5 or 10 years protection, depending on which coil you choose. That's a long time. You never need to think about it again until then and get it switched again.

Anyway you'll find one that works for you. I'll stop preaching Smile

Horsemad · 04/01/2014 09:18

Diaphragm!!!!! Doesn't hurt, no hormonal surges, no weight gain. What's not to like?!

tortoisesarefab · 04/01/2014 09:22

Op, i am in a similar position as you in that i can no longer take the pill due to high bp. I have decided to try the copper coil as i can get very depressed on the combined pill and the fact it is hormone free is appealing. I have spoken to my gp about it and she saidif i have any problems and dont get on with it then they can just take it out. I am just waiting to arrange theappointment now. Chat to your gp, its scary trying something new especially as it seems so invasive but it might work really well for you

MarlenaGru · 04/01/2014 09:23

Copper coil didn't hurt at all going in or out? Had it for 2 years and other than slightly heavier periods initially had no issues. Unless you just want to give up sex you are going to have to consider something that isn't pleasant. Hmm

JanePurdy · 04/01/2014 09:38

I've had two copper coils in & one out. No pain. It's been great.

Loopytiles · 04/01/2014 09:56

Can relate to major fear of pregnancy. I have a mirena coil, lots of horror stories, but lots of people like it and it can be removed if you don't. No pain putting it in (did take painkillers un advance!).

Jaffacakesallround · 04/01/2014 13:40

All contraception is a compromise and a trade off - pros and cons. No single method is perfect.

You sound as if you are blocking too many options.

First off- what's being done to lower your BP? is this a weight issue? if so then you need help with that. Anyone who has high BP is at risk of lots of stuff which you'll know, so unless this is hereditary then it's a lifestyle issue.

So if you can't or won't use hormonal methods you are left with barrier- condoms or the cap.

or IUDs.

Think you've just need to be willing to try something- none is for life- you can have coils taken out.

Joysmum · 04/01/2014 14:34

My doctor sent me to the CASH clinic when I decided to try the mirena coil as she said my cervix was very tight and she wouldn't be able to do it. She said that the clinic do it all the time and would be able to and they'd use local anaesthetic cream if needed.

As it was, they popped it straight in and, as described, the worst I would feel was a sharp cramp like a period pain. I was advised to take ibuprofen 30mins before my appointment and continue with it for the rest of the day as required. I used to have some horrendous period pains and this was no worse and mostly gone (no tablets required) by the next day.

Hell, if coils were that bad for more than the occasional case, why would so many women choose this method of contraception? It's just a case of what's right for you and in my case it was so good to discuss things with professionals who are specialists rather than GP's (who I now will be bypassing in future having been to CASH).

At the CASH clinic, that's their specialty, they'll listen to you and talk through your fears.

offloadingthisshit · 04/01/2014 14:46

I think the best thing to do would be to speak to your Dr about this and ask to be referred to a specialist who will probably be more knowledgeable about the medication options for you.

Jaffacakesallround · 04/01/2014 14:48

Hate to be a party pooper but my experience of coils was not good.

Dr found it hard to insert ( copper coil) and had to give up with first one and choose another model! managed to fit but was painful- and he asked if I'd given birth by CS!- No- hadn't- and had in fact given birth easily with no pain meds or even gas.

After insertion I bled for 7 weeks incl a period in the middle- went back this time to FPC and was told coil was half expelled so they removed it.