Save our sex life!! (contaception)

[BobPatSamandIgglePiggle]

I'm frustrated - literally!

DP and I used to be an 'every other day' couple. We've been together for 5 years but were friends for ages before. Initially we used condoms but tbh, quite quickly we 'relied on' withdrawal as neither of us were against having children (no step kids involved on either side)

We decided to ttc and I got a bfp after 6 months - all great, DS is now nearly 2.

BUT - our sex life is SHITE!

DP hates condoms and tbh, I think he'd rather not have sex than have to rely on them. I can't use the pill - I have high blood pressure. I don't really want to have the coil fitted as I've read lots of horror stories.

I am almost certain that DS will be an only, although we're gutted as we'd both like lots of children. My BP nearly killed me and DS - ended up with an emcs after a routine scan at 33 weeks. He was ill for a long time and the guilt was horrendous. Meds I'm on mean that I can't ttc whilst on them but would be at ris f stroke etc without them. Falling pregnant accidentally would be disastrous.

I can't face permanent contraception yet - it'd make things too final but what do we do? I miss our sex life, DP is less bothered and values a good night's kip more at the minute but I think it's because we're out of the habit.

Help!!

[ammature]

Natural family planning plus diaphram around ovulation and withdrawal. Be grand!

[Pannacotta]

Cant offer any advice sorry but just wondering if the copper coil and Mirena are the same size?
Think they sound like ok options but not convinced about I'd relish having one fitted.

[DumSpiroSperHoHoHo]

Should add that I hadn't considered a coil until my friend had a copper one fitted and recommend it.

Since I already suffered from bad cramps I felt the Mirena was better for me, but afaik she is still very happy with her copper coil.

[DumSpiroSperHoHoHo]

I also have a Mirena and love it. Had it when DD was 8 months, she's now 9yo and I'm on my second one.

Fitting is a bit like a tricky smear or cervical sweep - not pleasant but only briefly uncomfortable (I believe they apply an anaesthetic gel before insertion and you can take painkillers beforehand), and some very mild cramping for the rest of the day (not as bad as usual period pains).

I had fairly regular spotting for the first 4-6 months, roughly when I would have expected a period, but nothing for years now. I've certainly never had to worry about having a 'proper' period since I've been on it.

Can't feel it, no scares, no health issues, much improved sex life - all good!

[hiddenhome]

I have a Leas Shield which is a type of diaphragm and it's really good. You don't need fitting for it and it's easy to use.

I had to order mine from Germany as it's not sold in the UK, but it arrived very quickly.

[TheCrumpetQueen]

Another copper coil here :)

[ilovepowerhoop]

some people want a copper coil because it has no hormones as they do not tolerate them well

[Jaffacakesallround]

Matilda- the Mirena is very different to the copper. It's coated in progestogen for starters, and is bigger- re. insertion, and some women ( a few ) have to have it inserted under a GA- my gynae offered that not for BC but for other reasons.

Some women do have side effects from the hormone element- like all hormonal contraception. It can cause weight gain and PMT symptoms.

The diaphram is not 100% safe though - I used one in between DCs so PG was not going to be a disaster.

The copper coil is about 98% effective.

[Matildathecat]

So yes, there are some who have problems or side effects and some/ many who don't. I'm maybe lucky but no problems whatsoever with pain on insertion(uncomfortable for a few minutes), no irreg bleeding, actually no bleeding, Horray and no weight gain. Maybe a slight problem with spots but I'm prone do can't really say. I also have high bp( not remotely overweight).

Have to say, though, that some here are suggesting diaphragms and rhythm methods...be very careful. For you pregnancy is absolutely contra-indicated so you have to have something very reliable.

Ps. Am interested in why you prefer a copper coil to Mirena. Bit like wanting an old Skoda when you could opt for a new Ford. Poor analogy but YKWIM. Of course if the Mirena didn't suit you could try it but Mirena would be a better first choice for most women.

Good luck

[Jaffacakesallround]

Hate to be a party pooper but my experience of coils was not good.

Dr found it hard to insert ( copper coil) and had to give up with first one and choose another model! managed to fit but was painful- and he asked if I'd given birth by CS!- No- hadn't- and had in fact given birth easily with no pain meds or even gas.

After insertion I bled for 7 weeks incl a period in the middle- went back this time to FPC and was told coil was half expelled so they removed it.

[offloadingthisshit]

I think the best thing to do would be to speak to your Dr about this and ask to be referred to a specialist who will probably be more knowledgeable about the medication options for you.

[Joysmum]

My doctor sent me to the CASH clinic when I decided to try the mirena coil as she said my cervix was very tight and she wouldn't be able to do it. She said that the clinic do it all the time and would be able to and they'd use local anaesthetic cream if needed.

As it was, they popped it straight in and, as described, the worst I would feel was a sharp cramp like a period pain. I was advised to take ibuprofen 30mins before my appointment and continue with it for the rest of the day as required. I used to have some horrendous period pains and this was no worse and mostly gone (no tablets required) by the next day.

Hell, if coils were that bad for more than the occasional case, why would so many women choose this method of contraception? It's just a case of what's right for you and in my case it was so good to discuss things with professionals who are specialists rather than GP's (who I now will be bypassing in future having been to CASH).

At the CASH clinic, that's their specialty, they'll listen to you and talk through your fears.

[Jaffacakesallround]

All contraception is a compromise and a trade off - pros and cons. No single method is perfect.

You sound as if you are blocking too many options.

First off- what's being done to lower your BP? is this a weight issue? if so then you need help with that. Anyone who has high BP is at risk of lots of stuff which you'll know, so unless this is hereditary then it's a lifestyle issue.

So if you can't or won't use hormonal methods you are left with barrier- condoms or the cap.

or IUDs.

Think you've just need to be willing to try something- none is for life- you can have coils taken out.

[Loopytiles]

Can relate to major fear of pregnancy. I have a mirena coil, lots of horror stories, but lots of people like it and it can be removed if you don't. No pain putting it in (did take painkillers un advance!).

[JanePurdy]

I've had two copper coils in & one out. No pain. It's been great.

[MarlenaGru]

Copper coil didn't hurt at all going in or out? Had it for 2 years and other than slightly heavier periods initially had no issues. Unless you just want to give up sex you are going to have to consider something that isn't pleasant.

[tortoisesarefab]

Op, i am in a similar position as you in that i can no longer take the pill due to high bp. I have decided to try the copper coil as i can get very depressed on the combined pill and the fact it is hormone free is appealing. I have spoken to my gp about it and she saidif i have any problems and dont get on with it then they can just take it out. I am just waiting to arrange theappointment now. Chat to your gp, its scary trying something new especially as it seems so invasive but it might work really well for you

[Horsemad]

Diaphragm!!!!! Doesn't hurt, no hormonal surges, no weight gain. What's not to like?!

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

I have to say it was a short, sharp pain for the coil. Although the one put in 6 weeks after my son, didn't hurt at all. And then you get 5 or 10 years protection, depending on which coil you choose. That's a long time. You never need to think about it again until then and get it switched again.

Anyway you'll find one that works for you. I'll stop preaching

[BobPatSamandIgglePiggle]

Matilda - not offended at all. i said up thread that i knew i was being negative, and i know that women have many more choices now. Thing is though many of them aren't appealing - pain on insertion for coils / implants... risk of bleeding for months on end etc. Weight gain / irregular bleeding... Yes, we have choices but it seems a lot to put up with alongside!

I'll make an appointment - swaying towards copper coil or implant but tbh I'm not keen on either option! Sorry, don't mean to be dour and really do appreciate everyone's advice.

Really interesting info on the male options - definitely something i'd like DP to look into. No way will he have the snip!

[Horsemad]

Try the diaphragm; you can put it in upto 3hrs before sex, so you can still be spontaneous.
No hormones messing up your system. Ideal!

[TheFuzz]

Just a pointer about the snip. There are high risk factors in the procedure. I fell fowl of this and it's ruined our sex life as I developed PVPS. I suspect a block would be similar in causing PVPS.

Just trying to get things back on track after 15 months of agony, and a further invasive surgical procedure, although if things don't improve rapidly, I will lose a testicle.

Surgery of any sort is risky.

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

I have a copper coil. Had one before kids, had them since too. They're brilliant and no hormones. Never had a problem at all. Love it infact.

I wouldn't go looking at horror stories online about them, go and have a chat a FPC about your options. See what they recommend. Don't scare yourself, there's pros and cons to all options.

[ILoveFrogs]

I have the copper coil and I honestly have no major issues with it, my period is probably slightly heavier and they used to be and last for around 5 days rather than the 3/4 they used to. I can't sing its praises enough.

[Joysmum]

Go to your local CASH (contraception and sexual health) clinic. They know all the options and will be able to talk through your options and concerns with far more authority than non-experts on a forum.