I don't know how to start, but I'll just ramble on just in case thers someone out there. I've been suffering from depression for many years, been on Prozac but got "Prozac poop out" and haven't been on antidepressants for a few years. History of PND. Now reaching menopause and feeling more and more unstable. Drinking very heavily at times.
Four kids, three live at home. All adults, oldest 28 and living with gf at our home. None of them helpful in everyday chores etc. I don't cook or do stuff for them, but none of them pay rent etc, instead they ask for money from my DH. Youngest son and daughter forever critical of me. Every day. Plus very jealous of oldest son for getting biggest room etc.we are well off, so that's not the issue but still.
On New Year's Eve I drank a bottle and a half of wine and got into an argument with youngest DS. He screamed at the top of his voice that he hates me and wishes me dead and I've spoiled his life. He's 24. I pushed him. He grabbed my throat and pushed me and I fell over and started screaming hysterically. DD ( 20 ) called ambulance. They arrived. I refused to go with them. It ended up with them calling the cops. Six policemen/women stood in my bedroom. It was like a nightmare.
I was arrested, spent nine hours in a cell then cautioned for having attacked my son. I never told them that he grabbed my throat and I never would. I don't know where to go from here. I'm desperate. Haven't eaten since New Year's Eve afternoon. Just want to die.