'If you leave me I'll kill myself'....

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Indulge me MN-ers. How many of you had that threatened at some point when you were leaving an abusive bully and how many of the abusive bullies are still with us today?

that last bit was to hedgehogmanay way upthread...a few hedgehogs about today!

My ex threatened to kill himself if I left him so I stayed with him. Relationship got worse, I said I was leaving, he threatened to kill himself. I stayed with him.

Repeat x4

Eventually I left, he didn't kill himself.

Yup, years ago abusive ex threatened to kill himself. Shoved a note under my friends door (I was staying there) saying if I hadn't come home by midnight he'd be dead.

We didn't see the note til next morning, so went round and found him asleep under a pile of curtains in the lounge. Apparently he'd got drunk, stood on a chair and attached himself to the curtain rail, then stood waiting for me to come home and find him there.

Obviously when he jumped/fell asleep/slipped off the chair the curtain rail came down on top of him -he was 16stone! He was lucky there was no freak accident though, his best tie was still round his neck and the curtain rail when we got there. I left permanently that same day.

Yes, twice in the last 2 months

He's still at home and still a dick..... he needs to leave! Sometimes easier said than done, maybe tomorrow I'll tell him he needs to go, least then I have no kids at home for the weekend!

I wish this thread existed 3 years ago. The boyfriend of a friend threatened to kill himself if she left. He had more children so she decided fewer people would miss her so she killed herself.

After my ex and I broke up first time round, he spent months pursuing me to get back with him and said he was suicidal and would commit suicide if I didn't get back with him. I thought I loved him and we could work through our difficulties so got back with him. I realised our difficulties were that he was abusive and anytime I didn't do as he said, he played the card again, usually when I went out with my friends.

When I caught him with OW, he told her he'd broken up with me weeks ago and I said, no you didn't (he hadn't). He then said to her he couldn't break up with me because he was afraid I would commit suicide ('see I'm a good guy really!') - I had been depressed (abusive relationships will do that). I did feel suicidal after that but hey I'm still here and much happier without him. I haven't seen him since that day though as far as I know, living a jolly little existence without me.

That's sad Pukous .

When I was in my late teens I went through a dark period where I habitually tried to commit suicide. Was luckily unsuccessful on 3 separate occasions. Didn't see the point in writing notes etc, to this day nobody in my real life knows. Seems to sit with the theory that many real suicides don't deal like drama llamas.

My stbEH would never offer to kill himself he is far too valuable to the human race to ever consider it.

PukousMucous that's so sad

How sad that she believed him.

My ex threatened it after I left him. I asked how serious he was as I had spoken to a solicitor and didn't want to run up a bill if a divorce wasn't going to be necessary. Apparently that was a mean thing to say. He's still alive.

Not me personally but it happened to a good friend of mine.

She left, he committed suicide.

He wasn't abusive though, just a very, very broken individual who wanted their relationship to fix him (it wasn't his first suicide attempt either). They were both very young 21/22.

It took her a long time to come to terms with it but she does recognise that it's not her fault . Even at the time she knew she couldn't live with that sort of pressure.

I don't believe expe Dad killed himself, its just another thing exP used to say to me, his mum never.mentioned.his Dad killing hinself but did mention a brother who did.

I also remembered my first boyfriend tried to kill hinself as I woulsbt go to mcdonalds. he was also abusive. he tied something round the light thing in the ceiling. I went to bed with the dog as it was obvious nothibg could happen with the weight.of him, he also triwd to stab himself and threatened a few other things, which he was still alive a few years ago and uaing the same lies on the lateat,gf as she wouldbt go to kfc in the rain with a tiny newborn baby just out of hospital.

I never.knew it was abusive the firat time round and the second time round I was sort of waiting for it to come as it was always "if you leave I will top myself" (exp1 was also one who tried to gas hinswlf in an electric oven)

My ex had already dumped me for someone else, then, a few months later when I took a job in France he started with the 'I'm sorry, I was wrong, if you don't come back to the UK now I'll kill myself' line... This was almost 10 years ago, he lives in Wales now so alive and kicking. Though he has deleted me from Facebook, which is not quite the same...

My first husband when I left him the first time, came to my parents house where I was staying. He looked a mess (deliberately I think ~ unironed and torn shirt) and when I said I wouldn't go back, he tried to rip the live wire out of an extension lead to put in his mouth. I stopped him. I went back.

Another 4 years of abuse from him and I told him I wanted to separate and divorce. He tried to kill himself (seriously I think) and ended up permanently disabled. I didn't go back.

19 years on and his gf apparently left him and he killed himself. He'd had several other attempts and had told friends that he'd never got over me. Guilt tripped me to the grave.

He may tried to guilt-trip you Solo but it doesn't sound like he succeeded.

XH, DSs dad, held a knife to my throat and had me pinned up against the wall saying he didn't know who he wanted to kill more, himself or me.

He did neither and is still knocking about being a pain in my arse but has calmed down and grown up a lot and we get on quite well now (he's been sober for 3 years he was an alcoholic back then)

An ex boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him, he'd kill the guy I was cheating with in front of me, then DS, then any future children we had had together and then kill me and then kill himself.

He would also say that if we ever had kids together he would inject me with drugs while I was asleep and tell social services I was a drug addict and get full custody of the kids and he would raise them with his mum and new girlfriend.

He was not happy when I explained that my mother was a social worker, and my father very rich with a very good friend who's a very good family law soliceter, so the likely hood of the above happening would be close to......zero

We had been together for 3 months at this point!! I started to laugh straight away, much to his bewilderment and sent him packing ASAP to his mum to start his hunt for this new girlfriend to raise our non existent children with

I'm afraid it affected me very badly and after after a couple of years, I had 6 months of counselling which has more or less sorted me out.

My dad phoned to tell me my mum had left him and said he'd rather be dead than be without her. I gave notice on my room and moved back in with him for support. Within 6 weeks he'd found somebody else!

Looking back his threat was just him being scared and feeling lost. He and mum had been married for 23 years. It wasn't to manipulate or for any sinister reason.

Couple of years after he died I mean.

Glad you benefited from the counselling Solo

my exp
"i may as well just get a gun and kill myself" (after i told him we didnt ahve a future togethert)
"do you want me to jump?" (said balancing on fire escape outside flat above five metre drop - he was in throes of clinical depression at this time and it was touch and go... but hedidnt jump)
"i will leave you all and kill myself"

when in throes of depressive episode it was almost real - "i just want to die" etcetc.

there were few years he kept saying life wasnt fun with me and Dc, it was toos tressful he hated it, etc so he might as well kill himself...what is the point of life? bla bla bla ....i found myself planning his funeral.

there were times when he was v depressed clinically and i thought he would go thru with it; most times it was clearly just a threat.

but i some point i recognized that even if he did get so clinically depressed he would go thru with it - it was still not my fault.

at various times i informed police/GP etc - that assuaged any guilt i might have...

also he was going to kill himself when me and DC were with him because we made his life so terrible; then he was going to kill himself because i left him and removed the stress (dc) from his life. .... i realised you cannot win. he would always find a reason to, if he wanted...

anyway - he still here....

:) Me too! thank you!

cest trouble is, no matter how much you think you won't feel guilt, mostly I think you do. I had been away from my exh for 19 years when he did it. I still got the guilts.

My ex told me he was going to kill him self if I didn't let him in.

I was wrapping Christmas presents at the time and told him to fuck off over text.

He then posted empty paracetamol packets through the door.

I still ignored him.

I then seen him in the garden waving a steak knife around saying he was going to slash his wrists .

So I phoned police and he drove off. The police rang him and asked where he was and he said " on the way to Disney land to see Mickey Mouse "

He was actually on the motorway on the way back to his house when the police pulled him over and threw him in a cell for a night waiting for him to be seen by a doctor because of the death threats.

Apparently one of the officers told him through the door " to forget about her as I probably already had another fella lined up"

He was considering putting in a formal complaint about the officer because if he had really been suisidal that could have really sent him over the edge

He was considering putting in a formal complaint about the officer because if he had really been suicidal that could have really sent him over the edge
But surely they removed shoe laces and belts, or whatever they do to suicide risk cases. Or maybe they left them...

Yes, xh said this, took his shotgun and drove off.

I called the police, they eventually caught up with him and surrounded him with armed officers.

I later found a google history of how to commit suicide, so I'm guessing he was pretty serious about his intentions.

We have 2 doc together, fairly high chance one of them will try the same I am told. Just like him, and his father before him etc.

He is still very much alive and now married to an ex close friend