'If you leave me I'll kill myself'....

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Indulge me MN-ers. How many of you had that threatened at some point when you were leaving an abusive bully and how many of the abusive bullies are still with us today?

Xh threatened suicide when I wouldn't take him back after he left me.
In fact I had a text from him a couple of months ago while he was splitting up with his girlfriend saying he couldn't go on anymore. Experience has taught me to ignore, and unfortunately he is still alive and an abusive idiot.

I have had 2 people threaten suicide.

Both times I said I was calling their Mum.

It's amazing how quickly both suddenly regained their composure.

My first boyfriend tried this. He left me, but when he found out that I'd met someone else, he phoned me clearly rat arsed at 4am one morning and told me if I didn't end things with my new bloke and go back to him immediately he would put his head in the oven. I pointed out that it was an electric oven and if he'd ever bothered cooking in it he'd have known that. He lived.

I did go back to him eventually, we were on and off for about 6 years, he is dd1's father. When he found out I was pregnant he threatened to hang himself if I didn't abort the baby. When that didn't work he told me to go ahead and have the baby but not to get too close to her because he'd have custody by the time she was 3. Dd1 is now 10, she's still with me, he still hasn't met her, hung himself or gassed himself with his electric oven.

He has told mutual friends that he doesn't need to pursue contact because dd1 is being brought up by a lone parent, so he will meet her in professional capacity as a prohibition officer when she is old enough

Raises hand.

It was sort of funny when he showed up the following day, saying "I didn't kill myself" No shit, Sherlock. I wish you had

Having said that, I had chosen to believe him earlier when he had threatened to take his and our lives too. What he did with his own life, though was his problem.

Oh, at some point he had a knife to his throat. Supposedly (we were on the phone). The drama in his voice was worthy of a Razzie award and a Golden Raspberry too.

Another "yes" here....once I said I couldn't do the relationship any more, he fluctuated between outright bullying, tears and threats (to both my and his safety). He even went into visit DS1 one night to tell him that he was going to kill himself).

He was also going to involve the national press to show the world what an awful person and bad parent I was.......take the children away from me etc etc etc.

Strangely enough, he has also managed to survive a further couple of years (and from what I hear is repeating the controlling side of things with a new gf). DS1 has gone no contact with his dad and is a much more relaxed, happier person. (as have I!).

The 2 people I actually know in rl, neither used it as a threat in order to try to get someone to behave in a certain way. Just went ahead, as Cogito said earlier.

D0oin - just no words for your Stbex. Jeez.

God there are a lot of drama lamas out there.
An ex of mine must have threatened suicide hundreds of times. I left after he locked all the doors and turned on the gas in attempt to kill me and the cats (he was jealous of them ).
The day I left he held a knife to his throat and threatened to kill himself, again. He didn't kill himself but he did get sectioned that night. That was 15 years ago. Guess what? He's still alive.

Oh dear... I shouldn't laugh at the electric oven or the Golden Raspberry but I can't help it. I'm sure some of these threats were utterly terrifying at the time.

He also had a habit of shouting at me when we were together, listing my "errors" and "crimes" against him, blaming me for making him angry/upset etc and then driving off at speed (either phoning me a couple of hours later, not knowing where he was and telling me that he couldn't carry on living, or having told me before he drove off that I was pushing him to suicide).

First couple of times, I phoned his family (who talked me out of calling police) and panicked until he returned (when I'd be so relieved he was alive I would "fall back into line" and accept that everything I did was wrong ;)" ). Eventually, I got immune to it.

No, this is a different one Thumb, dd1's bio Dad. I have excellent taste in men

I haven't heard from dd1's dad since I was pregnant with dd1 but have told all mutual friends not to tell him any details about me or my children or to pass on contact details. If he wants contact he can email me.

STBX is still living in denial and still quite convinced that I will change my mind about leaving him. In a few days he will start being super nice and helpful. Atm he still thinks he has time to be complete twat before trying to win me over again.

Actually, the Golden Raspberry wasn't terrifying. I had left by then, reported his abuse to the police and was with my sister. I was more annoyed than anything and thinking of the possible stains on the floor. Any shreds of love or care had died by then.

Threats made to us/me were frightening, though.

Oh dear, D0oin!
Do you think STBX will pull this sort of stunt too?

Most likely, thought for now he is telling me he'll be forced to sell his house and have to move back in with his mum and me leaving him will leave him bankrupt. I am being very selfish and giving him no consideration at all

I had an ex do this once.

I am afraid that I, being young and a bit of a cow said good, I hope you do.

He didn't.

Me

he said it so many times until I made a big fuss and told him it wasn't on and just so bloody unfair that I WOULD leave him if he carried on. He'd often do it after trying to make me jealous by saying he got asked out or got checked out or whatever. Or found someone attractive.

arse!

He's still here of course and that was one of the least shitty things he'd do.

Never for me.
The ones I've been out with in the past must have believed in self preservation because it was ME they'd threatened to kill!!

That were still not good choice for them, neil, because they'd be in jail.

I told exH that once, and that it would be a shame if DS lost both his dad and mum. He sort of realised that he was not being taken too seriously and it would hinder his chances of having unsupervised contact with DS. He has calmed down a lot since then.

That was still not good a choice for them... (bad editing)

My EA Exh was threatening to kill himself when i was in the middle of leaving him. He grabbed a lot of paracetemol and shoved them in his mouth. I called an amublance and as it pulled up outside the house I drove away and have never seen him since (20 years ago).

He lived to tell the tale as he rang my mum up the next day to give her a load of abuse. prick.

A friend of mine committed suicide, no threats, no notes, no warning, just did it. A 22 year old girl. Nobody knows why she did it.

My first bf did this a lot. He was 10 years older then me and I was only 15 when we started dating so pretty immature. At first I was utterly convinced he would until a friend pointed out it followed a very predictable pattern. Every time I clawed back a little self respect or control, made a friend, wanted to go out with friends or family without him he suddenly couldn't let me leave because he was scared he'd end his life.

The last straw was when I wanted to go for an interview for a job he had forbidden me to apply for. because it would hand me my freedom

He picked up the knife and threatened to slit his wrists and I calmly told him to do it in the kitchen so I didn't lose the deposit if he ruined the carpet....

I did feel awful about it as it was mean but he hadn't done it the other 50 times he'd threatened so the odds were good.

I did get the job and with it my freedom (it was live in childcare for a pub landlady, I think he knew that he'd never be able to get through the barstaff to the accommodation upstairs)

He is still alive I think.

Sadly my charming mother has decided to use suicide as a threat against us now so I'm gearing up for all this shit again. My new plan is to disengage as soon as the threat comes and call an ambulance so she can explain to them she was being dramatic..... (feel bad about wasting the ambulance though!)

oh... that was a bit long! Sorry!

I dont really think of my ex as abusive but he was quite controlling. He threatened to kill himself a few times and it worked for a fair while because I knew he'd tried it in the past. He also often said there would be no point living without me.

When I finally did leave he had a razor blade and loads of tablets on the bedside table when I went to get my things.

Hes still live and kicking 8 years later

Yes. suicide threat from BF and he got away with that for over a year. He's still alive as far as I know. ExP said he would drink bleach, but all he ever drank was bloody expensive whisky. Also still alive.
The drama is just so over the top, but the first 20-30 times made me nervous. As the threats continued but the men stayed on I finally twigged... What a waste of time, space and oxygen.

How awful Hegdehog, you did have a Lucky Escape. It is very sad, I hope you are ok.

A colleague at Uni also killed herself. No warning at all, although, with hindsight, I can now spot some subtle signs in a conversation we had days earlier.