So who wants to lay bets on whether or not I survive leaving?

[stripeylion3]

So PA Narc just threw a fit after I stayed with DC at DGPs last night. He knew this was happening but today changed the story of how it actually played out.

He's out of smokes and completely hostile.

The other times I've seen him like this I've been physically attacked.

I have left the house but have to go back as DCs there. He would not touch them. He picked up a rock and ran at the car aiming as I left.

I am quite terrified of going back. But I will. Am hoping it dies down so I can stick to my original plan of leaving in a couple of weeks.

Am going away for two weeks with DCs and DGPs end of jan and don't want their house unattended with him psychotic cos he will have nothing once I leave, no family, friends, money but does have a diag of depression.

All you need are the birth certificates, passports, other documentation and they clothes you are stood in. In the grand scheme of things that is what really matters.

WA will arrange to pick you up from somewhere if need be - local shops or wherever?

DCs his, shared rental, will be lease breaking which all the aid agencies have stressed to me is a bad thing. So be it I can barely make some planets align let alone all of them.

He is in the house. He NEVER leaves.

If he never leaves the house then you'll be safe from him if you leave. Unless I have misunderstood something.

How old are the dc and do you usually do the food shopping and take the dc with you?

Go back then offer to go out and get smokes for him and is there anything else he would like so you can make it up to him? Obviously take the dc with you and then do not return. If he never leaves the house he is unlikely to suddenly turn up at your parents or wherever?

I wouldn't worry about breaking the lease either, I think your life is a leetle bit more important than that!

It's relative. Lease breaking is a bad thing but DV is worse. If you need to get yourself and your DCs safe, that takes priority over breaking a lease. Have you called Womens Aid? 0808 2000 247

I will go back and act like all is ok like he does and try to leave tomoro.

Just scared is all.

DC 10, 7 and 3.

If he doesn't leave the house, what is scaring you about leaving?

Completely understand why you are scared. Try and keep your phone charged and with you just in case. Have you got the money to buy a new cheap phone just so it keeps it charge?

Try and gather documentation as that is harder to replace than clothes etc.

Do you ever take all the DC out, say to the library or to the park?

Leave then.

Never mind breaking leases.

Are you in the UK op?

Do your parents know what's going on? Can your family accompany you to get the kids and your stuff? A witness and someone to call the police could help.

Just leave. Nothing is more important right now.

Could you buy a cheap mobile phone? Cheaper than a new battery and they don't use up that much battery.

Appeasing him for now is a good plan. Just don't lose sight of the end goal.

I have called the equivalent to WA in Oz and can't get advice til jan 20. I have spoken to so many places this week and the upshot is info re VRO or go to a refuge. But getting out is the obstacle he will obstruct me at every turn.

My best plan is to wait til we go away in two weeks but today that feels too far away.

I'm sorry, I sound obstructive .

I have been going around and around and around in my head about this for weeks. The real corker is that this is only the beginning. I really truly fear for my DCs lives once were out.

This is killing me.

Again, I'm not the dramatic type. I've only cried when someone else has paraphrased my fears.

I really wish I could do or say something to help.

Once you have left I'm sure the refuge will have a way of helping you disappear.

Do you really think he will suddenly start leaving the house to hunt you down? It could well be that he has abused you so much mentally that you have that fear when it doesn't exist.

Hugs

Lois, needing to gather DC and some items is difficult with him watching. Once I leave it will be his life's ambition to teach me a lesson, he will leave the house then, cos he will have a burning drive to fuck me over good and proper.

Aussiemum, yr name made me well up.

Then you need to be housed somewhere he cannot find you. Is this possible in your country?

Sorry, didn't realise you weren't in the UK.

Why don't you leave some items elsewhere, at relatives, friends, work, storage facility even? Then just pick them up when you leave.

I will stay with my DM DF, but they are old and when we go away in two weeks H knows the family home is completely unattended and I completely expect him to fireball it.

He is a classic Narc and completely BELIEVES that I am the source of all his woes.

My parents have worked so hard all of their lives I can't risk this happening. Two weeks house unattended with H just minutes away would be way too much temptation.

Once when I left overnight and went to a friends he came over yelling and screaming and disconnected the mains power at the front of the house, this over a seemingly smaller slight. He is totally deranged.

Lweji, yes, done that, thanks. I really do want to get a couple of other items. I know they're only possessions but they will distract the DC in the aftermath and if I don't he will sell them.

If he does come over yelling and screaming, disconnecting power etc then you would be able to call the police and have him restrained at that point because he would be committing a public order offence.

Do you have a lawyer?

In this country if he has not been proven (with solid proof) to have harmed DC he has every right to significant and meaningful contact with them.

So disappearing would not be worth the effort. He cares for the children just despises me.

It sounds to me like his very existence harms the children.