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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

10 year old DD just got home from weekends at dads in tears

61 replies

Mintymoomoo · 29/12/2013 18:52

She is saying she doesn't want to go anymore as his new wife always shouts in her face (mostly when her dad isn't present) and today hit her around the head with a carrier bag with. Bottle of coke in!!!!

She has been crying and upset for last half hour, says his wife says horrible things about me etc

I don't have a good relationship with EXH or his wife she hates me with a passion and is extremely jelous, he not not allowed to communicate with me at all, not even through text!

Question is what do I do? I also have 2 younger children

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 29/12/2013 18:59

I definitely wouldn't let her go again. Horrible woman! Is contact through the courts. Could you discuss with your solicitor. I think if it were me, I would be on the phone raising hell!

Greenkit · 29/12/2013 19:01

Ring the police, she has assaulted your daughter.

Chocotrekkie · 29/12/2013 19:02

She physically assaulted your child - 101 police and take it from there.

AngelinaK · 29/12/2013 19:02

Stop the contact, contact ss and solicitor.
Call him and make a hell for him!!!

So sorry u r going through this :(

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 29/12/2013 19:15

Contact the police. I imagine you will need that if you want to limit contact (even if it's just with the new wife) through the courts.

Hope she is okay. x

Whereisegg · 29/12/2013 19:17

yy to the police op, your poor dd Sad

Original poster
Mintymoomoo · 29/12/2013 19:20

Nothing is done through the courts when we split he didn't see children for over two years his choice, came back into their life and was seeing them regularly fora year and things improved, he was nice would communicate etc then he met his wife and she has just been hell she HATES me stopped him talking to me won't do anything for kids never have them for extra day or change day, won't pay, tells kids she hates me etc etc!

Honestly just don't know what to do for best, I can't afford a solicitor

OP posts:
SantasPelvicFloor · 29/12/2013 19:20

If someone deliberately hit my daughter with any implement (bottle of coke whatever) I'd call 101 and report the assault

Lottiedoubtie · 29/12/2013 19:22

Agreed report the assault and stop contact unless husband will see them with you present.

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 29/12/2013 19:22

Find out if you qualify for legal aid?

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 29/12/2013 19:23

Legal aid help

FolkGirl · 29/12/2013 19:24

You need to contact the police. I don't like my children spending time with their dad's girlfriend, but the worst she has done is go slightly OTT on the Christmas presents...

If she shouted in their faces or assaulted either of them, I'd phone the police.

Whereisegg · 29/12/2013 19:25

You can cross the solicitor bridge if/when it comes to it.
Your dd needs you to actively protect her now op, do this for her.

There are some wonderful and knowledgeable people on mn that can guide you through this (not me, but here nonetheless).

You can do it!

Walkacrossthesand · 29/12/2013 19:26

Trouble is, if the coke bottle incident was unwitnessed, there's no way the woman will admit it was deliberate, all she has to do is say it was an accident & 10 year old is exaggerating to paint her in a bad light with you. Have there been other allegations previously?

Greenkit · 29/12/2013 19:28

You need to show your daughter you believe her version of events and that its no ok to be hit in any form.

You also need to log it with the police should the OW ever do it again or you need to back up why DD doesnt want to go to their house, should they get a solicitor involved.

sittingbythefairylights · 29/12/2013 19:28

Report to the police first.

Then, when you say you can't contact your ex, do you actually have his phone number? I would be very tempted to call him direct, tell him just how upset your dd is, and tell him that, unless he is prepared to change things and prioritise your dd, then you're stopping contact.

In the meantime, no contact.

CrewElla · 29/12/2013 19:29

Go through the CSA if he doesn't pay; they will take what he owes through his wages.

I agree with ringing the non emergency police number as that woman assaulted your daughter.

wallypops · 29/12/2013 19:33

Do contact police on non emergency no. It will at the very least give your DD an idea of what the police are like (not scary) and that she and you are not powerless. Time for things to stop, step mom needs to be brought up short and your daughter to have a real say. Also you need to protect the other kids.

aaaaaaa · 29/12/2013 19:34

Did you phone the police?

doasyouwouldbedoneby · 29/12/2013 19:34

You owe it to your DD to report this to the police and then refuse contact. I wonder what your ex thought of it all. Did he know about the assault?
There must be some way of contacting your ex...

wallypops · 29/12/2013 19:36

Do contact police on non emergency no. It will at the very least give your DD an idea of what the police are like (not scary) and that she and you are not powerless. Time for things to stop, step mom needs to be brought up short and your daughter to have a real say. Also you need to protect the other kids.

bumbumsmummy · 29/12/2013 19:42

Ring the police don't hesitate if a stranger did that to your daughter in the street you'd be outraged hopefully why should she get away with because she is her SM

Original poster
Mintymoomoo · 29/12/2013 19:50

Ok I have just called and spoke to EXH (daughter got a phone for Xmas so called off that as otherwise he is not allowed to answer my calls) told him I wanted to meet tomorrow day time to speak to him as dd has home home very upset and crying, he asked why and keep it brief and just said because of your wife shouting at her and hitting her and that dd is saying she doesn't want to go anymore!He straight away said ok call me tomorrow, think she was there!!

Can't figure out from children if the hitting was done in malice or not, apprantly she was claiming my youngest is her daughter and dd said no she is your step daughter and then she hit her, dd claims that she just said that hurt and turned away!

With regards to legal aid I was under the impression that all stopped! And CSA are useless got local mp on case

OP posts:
flippinada · 29/12/2013 19:56

She sounds like a really horrible woman and I agree that reporting to 101 is a good idea. Even if nothing happens it will be logged. Your poor DD and good on you standing up for your daughter.

Also, carefully plan what you are going to say to your XH about it as that conversation could go very wrong very easily.

Greenkit · 29/12/2013 20:09

I hope your EXDH will support you and your daughter