how would you feel if your husband brought a sex toy and you found it?

[hudsonriver1]

I dont know how I feel.

Hubby brought me some ann summers underwear for my birthday in november and I was just clearing out his wardrobe and found the invoice with 'tenga eggs' on it so I looked it up and its a male masterbater? I haven't spoken to him yet but how would you feel?

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It sounds like this is the least of your issues.

Masturbation isn't a shameful activity and it doesn't sound like you think it is either, so if he bought this for his own use, why have secrets and tell lies about it?

Using porn to masturbate, paying for sexual services and spending family holiday money on a solo holiday to a sex tourism venue are in a different league though.

I guess you think all of these are inextricably linked and that this has just added to the pile of secrets, lies and misogyny that seem to be the backdrop to this?

Up to you if you want to tell us the back story- but it looks like there is a bigger picture here.

Have i missed something, is porn like the devils work?

"Have i missed something, is porn like the devils work?". Well if the objectification and degradation of women doesn't bother you, then it's absolutely tickety-boo.

Some people feel very strongly about porn, and it's nothing to do with prudishness. The person they're in a relationship with should really respect those views.

cantheyseeme - haha i know, makes me giggle!

Yeah, women having to endure internal stitches and faecal incontinence in order for wankers to get their orgasm is just side-splitting eh?

meeemo so glad you're getting 'a giggle' try educating yourself as to the many victims of the porn industry.

Im sure all porn is like that Leah

Well you wouldn't know if it was or wasn't, would you? Assuming that is, that you use the internet for the porn that you watch?

Ok....
Im not a fan of porn but i dont find it offensive or dirty.
I suppose you think that porn is the reason sex offenders exist?

Oh god, have I fallen into net mum's by accident?

Or the Daily Mail

If he's using it to masturbate to porn, I'd have a problem with that- but then I hate the porn industry for moral reasons.

Otherwise, then, his sexual activities can be private if he so wants. I have no problem with a woman using a vibrator, or a man using this. As long as your sex life doesn't drop off or change in a way you are unhappy with, then fine.

not all porn is the devil as it is made out to be!

But dont most men have a wank to porn every now and then?

After all they are very visual.

We had problems at the beginning of our relationship with him spending loads on porn and being on dating websites. We got over that and are now married

lots of men AND women enjoy porn. nothing unusual or wrong, unless of course your partner has a problem with it

Meemo you are being very irrational

Me and dp tried to watch it together but didnt enjoy it, that was just our taste though nothing to do with ethics. I couldnt care less if dp watched it without me.

Morals.

I'd tell hubby if I'd bought a vibrator and he'd tell me if he'd bought something. It'd be strange not to and I'd want to know why.

Why on earth would this bother you?

But dont most men have a wank to porn every now and then?
Are you serious OP? Why do they have to, do you think male libido is naturally so low that they are biologically programmed to need the modern invention of porn videos to achieve arousal?
While I completely understand why someone would have problem with their partner using porn (horrible industry) simply masturbating is harmless isn't it unless he is always doing it alone and never wants sex.

I looked up Tenga eggs and they look fun. They have pretty female vibrators too, feeling quite tempted actually...

I think buying sex toys together is much nicer

Sorry OP I misread "have a" as "have to". That makes your sentence much less strange!

Having googled these egg shaped things I personally would be tempted to call him down for breakfast in the morning and to have it stood there in an egg cup on his plate.

What's the worse that can happen?

Joking aside, in all seriousness, there is something in his sex life that is not being fulfilled. It is as simple as that.

What that is, well, only by asking him can you find out.

Either he needs sex more often than he is currently getting or he has some particular sexual need that he needs fulfilled that you are not fulfilling - it might be something simple like wanting you to masturbate him and play with his C&Bs, or it might be him wanting more oral from you... or it might be something that he is too embarrassed to tell you about needing.

Everyone is entitled to masturbate, and if a toy brings an extra dimension then there is nothing wrong with that.