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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

fresh start or not for 2014?

7 replies

Freshstartornot · 27/12/2013 17:46

Hi Ladies, "some deep breaths before i start to type" :-(

I will keep this as short as i can, in 2009 i met a man on the internet and we got married in 2010 when i was 5 months pregnant, i already had 3 children from my 1st marriage.

He is from Nigeria and i believed he had the right to work but after we were married i found out he was an over stayer on a visitors visa, at the time i was shocked he had misled me but i was were i was so we made a go of it and eventually he was given a visa for 3 years discretionary leave.

It has always be an effort to make the marriage work as there are cultural differences with children discipline and other stuff, he thinks i am too soft and the older kids walk all over me but they are 12 and 14 girls and can be difficult but i put this down to being teenagers.

Recently he has become more and more distant, ignores the children, shows no interest in anything not even his son and says i am a bad mother, fat etc etc!

Today he has said he is going but is taking our son with him and he has said before he will take him to nigeria..... he is obviously planning something as he has deleted all the browsing history and i feel so confused, i really need to take control of this situation i believe he will take our son!!

My emotions are all over the place

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SandyDilbert · 27/12/2013 18:03

first of all has your son a passport? - if so you need to keep that safe. And then you need legal advice immediately. If I were you I would be packing and running now, or getting him out of your home and safeguarding yourself and your son from him. He sounds utter hell. He cannot just take your child abroad surely? Do you think he only married you for the visa?

Apart from that the ignoring you, saying you are fat - that is awful.

Freshstartornot · 27/12/2013 18:09

Ive got DS passport out of the house, nobody is taking my son anywhere but i dont trust him he will try anything... I am beginning to think he did marry for a visa yes :-(

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SandyDilbert · 27/12/2013 18:12

and if you were to tell him to leave now would he go?

Freshstartornot · 27/12/2013 18:12

He is emotionally abusive and always complaining about things that i dont really think are a problem. i went back to work when baby was 19 weeks old as i had no choice, he had no visa and could not work so somebody had to keep the household going! He is now saying that he is the main carer which is not true and baby is in nursery 3 days a week and i do flexi time so he probably has the baby 1 half days a week

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Freshstartornot · 27/12/2013 18:12

Ive told him to go he says he is not leaving without his son....

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SandyDilbert · 27/12/2013 18:20

so you need some legal advice. He can't leave and take your son with him. Do you rent or own your home. Could you just leave. Is it worth a call to Woman's Aid for advice?

Freshstartornot · 27/12/2013 19:51

no its my house purchased before i knew him.
i will contact wa for advice x

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