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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

my mam is in hospital

102 replies

wontletmesignin · 26/12/2013 09:04

She was taken in to hospital last night.
She has had a lump for a few weeks and not said anything.

Her arm is all swelled up and she is apparently not well at all. On antibiotics and they will be keeping her in for a week.

I feel so helpless!

It may sound weird, but what is worrying me the most is her alcohol dependency.

How is she going to do this...for over 26 years she has had a drink every single day.

I know when i tried getting her help through every agency possible - they all said it would be far too dangerous for her to just stop.

Being in hospital is going to force her to just stop.

I am really worried.
She cant stand hospitals, she will be so scared and alone and with no alcohol. She will be doing withdrawals in a place she is most uncomfortable.

Anybody know what can/will happen with her drinking suddenly stopping?

OP posts:

Report

PacificDingbat · 26/12/2013 20:52

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 15:28

So frustrated. Nobody is giving me any clear information!!!

This is what i have had so far:

It doesnt look good. She doesnt realise how serious this is. It could affect her organs.
The alcohol has taken its toll on her body.
Waiting on results of ct scan. Got the results - waiting on two nurses from another hospital to come with them.
Nurses came - needs passed to a specialist.
I ask "how does it look" TWICE...conversation got changed and told id be filled in with thr details at 6!

Why why why why why ....

All of that does NOT sound good.
Why

OP posts:

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 15:56

Phoned hospital and they said ct scsn hasnt been reported yet. That they are concerned and worried, a breast specialist has been to see her this morning.

Why is my dad telling me the results were in? Wtf! Cant cope with this

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 27/12/2013 16:14

No, this does not sound good, I agree .

It is quite likely that nobody wants to give you any results because they are unable to then give you any kind of idea what the plan might be. Also, of course, they are unable to discuss anything with you (or your dad for that matter) without your mother's explicit consent. If your mum is happy for you to be informed, she needs to state this and it will need to be marked on her records too - same goes for your dad.

Have you been able to see her to see with your own eyes how she is in herself?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 27/12/2013 16:19

:(

I am sorry you are going through this, especially at Christmas when you are trying extra hard to make it 'fun' for the kids.

Do you best to 'put it in a box' until someone tells you something concrete.

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 16:28

Thank you. I amm going to see her at 6.
I can put it to rest, but then it smacks me in the face again and i crumble.
I dont think ive ever faced anything so difficult.

Should find out in the morning, exactly what is what.

It just feels like my dad knows more.
The nurse on the phone even asked me what my dad had told me before giving me any info!
Thought nothing of it at the time!

The other thing - he has been there almost all hours. So visiting hours dont seem to matter for him

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 27/12/2013 16:32

Ah, good, you're going to see her. Is your dad likely to be there too?

If (IF!) he knows more than he lets on, he might tell you more when he sees how much the uncertainty is eating you up?

Here's hoping for good news for you all.

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 16:38

Yeah my dad will be there.
I hope he will tell me. I really do. If he does know more that is.

All of this from a small spot! Unbelievable!

Thank you! Xx

OP posts:

tinyturtletim · 27/12/2013 18:01

I hope your mum is ok x

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 18:10

Thank you xx

OP posts:

tinyturtletim · 27/12/2013 19:35

How was she today?

YOUCANBEMYFRIENDIFYOUBUYMECAKE · 27/12/2013 20:16

sorry to hear about your mum
she will be with nurses and doctors who will look after her, I know it's worrying for you but it's important that you look after yourself for when she is discharged.
she will really need you then and if you rest now you will have both the emotional and physical energy to support her.
I hope you are ok.

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 21:10

Thank you!

My mam seems ok. Snappy and drowsy, but i think thats expected.

She has been in pain with her back today though.

I had a good talk with my dad. He says that he will keep me up to date.

He says what the nurse said to me on the phone. Told me it will probably be monday when we find out the results from the consultant.
He says it could be fatal.

Hopefully its not!

I got my first kiss off my mam today (that i can remember) so that was nice

OP posts:

wontletmesignin · 27/12/2013 22:50

I have just googled. I came across ulcerating breast tumor.

Scary how she fits into that. Scariest part being her swollen left arm.

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 28/12/2013 10:12

Dr Google is NOT your friend - step away.

You don't need to know what it could be; you need to know what your mum's got. And what the treatment plan is.

You need to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best.
Don't drive yourself round the bend by speculating.

MissMalonex2 · 28/12/2013 10:22

Thinking of you OP - hope you are holding up, I'd be in bits if it was my mum. Hope you get to visit with her again soon

wontletmesignin · 28/12/2013 10:30

You are right pacific. I realised that lastnight. I was a mess after reading.

My mam is allowed home today as she isnt sleeping in hospital. They think she would be more comfortable at home. Which im pleased about.

Its so difficult trying to keep it together. The kids help as i cant show my concern. I told them she was fine.

Their other grandma went in for a minor op and didnt come back out, and they still struggle to deal with that.
Thank you all xx

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 28/12/2013 10:35

Oh, good to hear she's coming home - that'll be a relief to her and you, I'm sure. And your dad .

Children can be great as a distraction because they just carry on regardless most of the time, even when they are dealing with difficult stuff like their other gran dying - how sad. Just keep talking to them and answering questions as they pop up.

Hope you have a good weekend.

wontletmesignin · 28/12/2013 11:56

Thank you.
Really pleased she is coming home. She cant stand hospitals, and she hates any change in her routine.
So its good to know she will feel better within herself.

It will be easier to put the results to bed in my head with her being at home too.
Feels a lot more normal iykwim

Thankfully thr kids havent really asked any questions as they think she is fine.
Which i feel bad about not telling them. But i know it is unneccessary until we actually know what the real problem is

OP posts:

Oldraver · 28/12/2013 13:39

Really pleased she is coming home. She cant stand hospitals, and she hates any change in her routine.

No, alcoholics cant stand being away from their precious drink supply, and you need to face up to this.

By all means direct your feeling sorry to other issues but her being at home will mean she can drink again and this will make her appear to be happy.

wontletmesignin · 28/12/2013 13:51

I have been quite worried about that actually, and wondered whether it was actually best for her to come home.

Wouldnt the alcohol, which she will most likely have, affect the antibiotics?

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 28/12/2013 15:13

Nope, the vast majority of antibiotics can be taken with alcohol (main exception is Flagyl = Metronidazol).

If she is fully detoxed and has an idea of might be wrong (a lot of people suspect more than they let on), she might just take this as an opportunity to stay stopped? One can but hope...
She might also have been discharged with follow-up for her drinking problem? Again, one can but hope... The service can be v patchy.

If she is motivated would she go to the AA? There's meeting everywhere and on every day of the year.
Or some of the things in this article might be helpful?

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weregoingtothezoo · 28/12/2013 15:24

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like you have done everything you can with relation to her drinking. Now is not the time to deal with alcoholism and how it affects your mum and how very clearly reading your posts it has affected you in a co-dependent way over the years. There is time for all of that, with your therapist, or with Al-Anon, once this crisis is past.

Just now you need to stay in today as much as you are able. Do your normal things with your children. There probably has been very little information because they are not sure - it does sound bad but they need to give you accurate news. I hope the waiting is not too agonising for you all. Keep talking, and thoughts are with you.

wontletmesignin · 28/12/2013 15:54

Ah thank you for that pacific.
No i very much doubt she will want to stop.
She defitely wouldnt go to AA.
I will have a read of that article when the kids are in bed.

I am not sure of a follow up. I have just phoned my dad, and they are just waiting on some tablets before they come home.

And you are right, weregoingtothezoo, now isnt thr time to be thinking about the drinking.
Monday cant come quick enoughm although,at the same time i dont want it to come!

They said they dont know what it is.
Although everything is pointing in a certain direction. I hope to god its not what i think.
Really cant think of anything else it could be!

I will try and leave that worry until we know for certain.

Thank you all again

OP posts:

wontletmesignin · 28/12/2013 17:03

Shes not getting out today now. Theres been a mix up with her meds and they have given her tablets instead of liquid medicine. She cant take tablets. So she has to stay in again as the pharmacy is closed.

Im quite relieved in a sense, as she wont be able to touch the bottle

OP posts:

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