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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My estranged mother has just sent my DH a letter informing him that I had an abortion at 16

71 replies

dontsqueezetheteabag · 23/12/2013 21:09

He is very upset, he didn't know. I am not proud of it but I know it was the right thing to do at the time.

She is going through a very bitter divorce with my father at the moment after having an affair 18 months ago.

She is sending letters out willy nilly with pure venom in them. The woman is a disgrace.

Rant over. Urgh

OP posts:
Casmama · 23/12/2013 21:10

What a bitch!

Is he upset you did it or that he didn't know?

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 23/12/2013 21:11

I have no idea what to say, beyond how malicious of her and how horrible for you.

PacificDingbat · 23/12/2013 21:13

Good grief!

Poor you and what an ambush on your DH.
Who was she trying to hurt?? You? Or him?

I hope you and him will find a way for this to make you stronger as a couple rather than allow it to drive a wedge between you.

Who'd do that kind of thing??

ThePinkOcelot · 23/12/2013 21:13

Wow! What a nasty, vindictive cow!

Hope you are okay, well as okay as you can be.

FannyFifer · 23/12/2013 21:14

Why would your husband be upset, were you with him at 16?

lilyaldrin · 23/12/2013 21:15

Why is your DH very upset?

nilbyname · 23/12/2013 21:16

Holy shit, happy Christmas mental mother!! What a bitch, send it back covered in smiley face stickers and love hearts.

RandomMess · 23/12/2013 21:17
Sad
wetwetwetfan · 23/12/2013 21:17

You were 16 years old? You were just a child. A huge decision to make at any age but 16 is so young. You must have been a strong person to make the decision you clearly knew was right for you.. I hope your dh will see this.

FalalalalalalaFiggy · 23/12/2013 21:18

Why would she? What a cow!!

Debs75 · 23/12/2013 21:18

So sorry for you she sounds very nasty and vindictive. How on earth would your teenage abortion make her have an affair, presumably several years later and then get divorced. It looks like she is deflecting and feeling hurt so using the divorce as a way to unload everything so others feel just as hurt.
Still makes that a bitchy thing to do though.

I hope that your DH can see through this and realise you can work it out.

bunnymother · 23/12/2013 21:18

She has done a terrible thing. I'm sorry she has misdirected her self loathing at others. Hopefully you can calm your DH down and have a nice Christmas. I wouldn't be in contact with her any time soon, if that was me - she sounds poisonous.

Xfirefly · 23/12/2013 21:21

wow that's so awful Sad hope you're OK op Thanks

5OBalesofHay · 23/12/2013 21:22

He's probably upset he didnt know, upset for you having such a cow for a mother, and upset that you went through that so young. Stick where you are loved and try to get through together. That is so nasty of your mother, no wonder you keep away.

eightandthreequarters · 23/12/2013 21:23

Well, it was clearly the right decision to make her an 'estranged' mother. Lord. I hope you are okay. I'm sure your DH would not want every painful event of his life before he met you written down and posted to you, either.

tribpot · 23/12/2013 21:25

I would hope that your DH was more upset about your mother's unbelievable behaviour. I appreciate he may feel that this was something you would have shared with him, but you are entitled to privacy.

Your mother sounds unhinged. I would be considering no further contact and all letters returned unopened.

PissesGlitter · 23/12/2013 21:25

What a bitch

Was it his? Is that why he is upset?
If not then none of his business what you done at 16

lljkk · 23/12/2013 21:27

My mother did this in wake of her divorce. :( Aired all the family dirty laundry in trying to get revenge on all of us.

Some of it was fascinating because news to me, but sadly not helpful to OP.

send it back covered in smiley face stickers and love hearts.
But I do like that idea...

tribpot · 23/12/2013 21:29

send it back covered in smiley face stickers and love hearts.

I like that idea too. Surreal and massively inappropriate. Just like her letter.

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie · 23/12/2013 21:30

At 16 you were barely out of childhood, now she uses your experience as a stick to beat you with. What she hoped to accomplish goodness knows. Really not her place to raise this with your DH.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 23/12/2013 21:31

What a nasty cow.
hope you are ok, thats a shitty thing to do.

nopanicandverylittleanxiety · 23/12/2013 21:32

what a vicious horrible cow

poor you xxx definitely a good decision to be no contact with her

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/12/2013 21:33

Fuck, how awful for you. What a nasty, poisonous thing for her to do.

Why is your DH upset?! He should be upset for you, and gently asking what happened - after checking that you're ok to discuss it.

fedup21 · 23/12/2013 21:33

Was it your DH's?

crazyafterall · 23/12/2013 21:33

I am so sorry.

Why is your DH upset with you though?