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Original poster

My estranged mother has just sent my DH a letter informing him that I had an abortion at 16

71 replies

dontsqueezetheteabag · 23/12/2013 21:09

He is very upset, he didn't know. I am not proud of it but I know it was the right thing to do at the time.

She is going through a very bitter divorce with my father at the moment after having an affair 18 months ago.

She is sending letters out willy nilly with pure venom in them. The woman is a disgrace.

Rant over. Urgh

OP posts:
Original poster
dontsqueezetheteabag · 23/12/2013 21:35

Thanks all.

I am still in shock.

DH was upset because he thought we had no secrets. It wasn't a secret in my eyes, something that happened a looooong time ago that really has nothing to do with him.

He is ok now we have talked about it and we need not ever talk about it again.

Have told my dad and he just kept apologising on the phone. Blaming himself for the divorce and as a result the letter.

I LOVE the idea of sending it back with love hearts and smiley faces on it. Hahahaha!! Cheered me right up. I may just do that! Smile

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/12/2013 21:37

Glad things are ok for you and dh.

I really think you should send it back with love hearts and smiley faces on, I just love that idea Grin

TheFirstToel · 23/12/2013 21:37

Bloody hell what a total cow! Shock Does she think she is in Eastenders FFS?

This rings bells with me as my mother is similar - she has revealed another family member's abortion to me in a highly inappropriate way. And the worse she herself behaves, the more vindictive she is to those around her. It hurts, I know that however much you try to accept your mum is just a cow, it can still hurt.

I hope your DH can get over it and realise that simply means you were a responsible and in fact not all that unusual 16yo.

PacificDingbat · 23/12/2013 21:42

Ah, good, you've had a proper talk about it.

Tbh, I'd just not respond. At all. Ever.
It'll frustrate her no end.

TheCrackFox · 23/12/2013 21:43

What a bloody cow.

MurderOfGoths · 23/12/2013 21:47

I agree with Pacific, don't give her the satisfaction of a response

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 21:48

This is your past,your thing,you don't need it tell your dh,it predates him
Your dh needs to get over his own shock and support you,it's not about him
Your mother has behaved abominably.poor you

CookieDoughKid · 23/12/2013 21:49

I'm sorry but has your mother gone off the rails or what?! Bang bang out of order IMO. She ought be told her behaviour is totally unacceptable and she should not be allowed to get away with this.

Why would you want to do this to your own daughter?!!

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 23/12/2013 21:55

What a vile thing to do.

For the recoded I cannot see why your DH is upset, it's got nothing to do with him.

Some people are just poisonous.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 23/12/2013 21:55

Record, not recoded.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 23/12/2013 21:58

Jesus you poor thing! How dare she do that to both of you. Please dont feel you have to justify your decision to anyone. Your dh might be upset not to have been told but it wasnt his information to possess. It was yours an your choice about who knows.

stickysausages · 23/12/2013 22:05

Wow. I can't believe someone would sink so low :(

But agree with the smiley faces & love hearts Grin

neiljames77 · 23/12/2013 22:08

Tell your H to send her a text like a telegram;
Love her more than ever. Epic fail. Merry Christmas. Spiteful witch.

waltermittymissus · 23/12/2013 22:13

No response is the best response.

Or, a kick in the fanny.

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 22:14

Well,aye that's how it rolls in bearsden I hear

creighton · 23/12/2013 22:18

the only response is for her to see you and your husband together, happily, at some point in the future. bide your time and get on with your lives. she has probably ruined her Christmas, don't let her ruin yours.

Original poster
dontsqueezetheteabag · 23/12/2013 22:20

Haha. A kick in the fanny... Haha.

Thanks all, I'm still in total shock.

She had a long way to go to have any contact with me before today. That's it now, no more. I thought she was mentally ill and have tried to make her see sense (13 months ago).

She will never ever see me again. Or meet my dc (due in August).

Shame on her

OP posts:
PacificDingbat · 23/12/2013 22:22

Her loss.
Her bitterness (or self-loathing as said quite astutely upthread) - her problem.

Congrats on your pregnancy btw Thanks

Mamafratelli · 23/12/2013 22:22

Bloody hell what an awful thing to do. I'm at a loss. I can only imagine she must be ill to stoop that low.

bellasuewow · 24/12/2013 00:29

Wow just wow, you were 16 a child going through what must have been very traumatic how dare she. Clearly she is desperate for a reaction. I really feel for you and I hope you and your dh can get through this vile woman's games.

glastocat · 24/12/2013 00:47

What a fucking bitch!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 24/12/2013 01:04

What a bitch.

I can understand why your DH was upset - in his position I would be too, it's a huge thing not to tell someone. Especially when you are now pregnant and would have had to have answered the 'is this your first pregnancy' questions - but it's good he's sorted his head out quickly and things are OK now - as they should be.

I would get him to reply 'Why did you send this? It's old news. Nothing you can say or do will come between don't & I, so you are wasting your time'.

plentyofsoap · 24/12/2013 01:21

Sorry to hear this Sad My mum does/did shit like this. Made false complains about me to work, nasty letters....
Contacted the police as it was causing me harassment alarm and distress. She got a warning not to contact me again.

Cerisier · 24/12/2013 01:32

I disagree that it is a huge thing not to tell someone. If it happened years before the OP met her DH then it was water under the bridge. Dredging up every past sexual partner and any ramifications is a bit grim and surely not wanted or expected.

givemeaclue · 24/12/2013 01:39

That is the type of thing my mother would do. No wonder she is estranged.

Feel for you, your dh is prob shocked but presumably won't affect your relationship?