Advice please about OW

[FoxyTerrier]

I will try to be brief. Found out husband was having a very long distance affair with a colleague, whom he sees in person twice a year. They had been messaging a lot for just over a year, and have slept together on several occasions, at work conferences. It is now over, and he is working hard to win back my trust and love, and I am trying to get over the devastation that has been caused.
She is still with her husband and family, and surprisingly has been publicly mooning over my husband on music sites, etc. I know I shouldn't look, but I did. It was a huge trigger, and in the end my DH emailed her and told her to stop, and move on. She emailed back saying she is still in love with him and that she was a victim in all of this...was fragile, couldn't stop crying, etc. With my blessing he responded telling her to read up on affairs, what they are based on (lies and negativity) and to get a grip; that he is very much in love with me, and we are getting ourselves back together. I, however, am furious that she chose to tell him that she is in love with him still. He is not interested, but I really want to contact her and tell her to back off and stop wallowing. WWYD?? I just don't feel I can let it go...she has also tried to contact him 3 times secretly on work intranet/facebook/email. He has not responded.
Thanks for reading.

Listen to what ormirian says.She has dealt with the OW situation in an amazingly dignified way.Must have been so hard;I'm not sure if I could do it but ormirian has managed to almost get her marriage back on track and on her terms.Good luck.

Thank you Orm and maras...am sitting on my hands and resisting. The urge has passed over the last day or so, and hope it stays that way. Orm, can you offer any advice as to how you got things back on track...am I looking at years of rollercoaster rides?

Foxy keep sitting on your hands, you have nothing to gain by contacting her, and radio silence from both of you should help bring an end to her obsession.

I'm 19 months on and I'd say I've only just stopped obsessing about OW. Her image used to pop into my head more or less every hour of every day at the start. Amazing how much mental energy we invest in people who adversely impact out lives, and in comparison how little to those who bring us happiness.

Be kind to yourself, and take things a day at a time. It does get easier.

Thanks for the compliment maras. Not sure if I really deserve it but I did try.

Foxy, my advice FWIW is go to a counsellor alone. Talk and talk and cry and talk some more. I needed that to build my self-esteem which isn't great to start with. The IC gave me the strength I needed to wade through the crap.

MC didn't start until 6 months after d-day. And mostly we talked about family dynamics and dhs relationships with us all which was the real cause for him finding it so easy to cross lines.

Regarding the OW I simply tried to forget she existed after a while - she was irrelevant ( also alarmingly ordinary and unspecial!). I lost it sometimes when I was feeling bad and called her all sorts of names to h, but not often. I caught sight of her once in school and I was so shocked - so was she as she scuttled off red in the face and avoiding my eye. And later saw a photo of h on the school website having a shave for November- guess who was wielding the razor! [Hmm] that was pretty weird. From about 3 yrs ago so they should take it down.

Good luck x it's a horrible situation that you didn't choose and grossly unfair but you can come through it safely with or without your h.