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Original poster

Solicitors letter now sent to H..... I'm awaiting the aftermath!

61 replies

Toothache · 19/07/2006 20:49

Saw my Solicitor today and explained everything about H and how he had been behaving over the past 3 weeks.

His letter to H goes something like this:

My client informs me that the marriage was abusive, it ended with you being convicted of assaulting my client and you have continued this abuse through text messages, phone messages and a letter left in the marital home.

This must not happen again or I will be forced to take legal action against you which, as you can appreciate, will be extremely costly to you. You will also be entitled to cover the legal costs of my client.

My client wants this resolved as quickly as possible as I'm sure you do too.

My client proposes that you sign over all rights to the house to my client, you return the car and pay my client £360 per month to cover half the child care costs.

In return my client will take on all the marital debts.

With regards to access to the children, my client leaves that to you to make a reasonable and realistic proposal for regular access, which my client will consider.

You have 10 days to respond to this. If I have not received a response in that time scale I will advise my client to take action through the courts.

I trust you will accept these conditions and would like this resolved as soon as possible.

Divorce proceedings will commence after.

What do you think?????? Think he'll be angry?? Pleased???

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/07/2006 20:50

I think he'll be angry.

But he's got a temper hasnt he? I would expect the worst and hope for the best.

Good for you though

Original poster
Toothache · 19/07/2006 20:54

Wasn't happy about taking on the Marital debts... until the Solicitor re-iterated that the deposit and equity on the house amounted to MUCH more and If H wanted to he could try to force me to buy him out..... therefore I would end up giving him about £10k and STILL have the debts!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 19/07/2006 20:56

....even though the house is in my name.... my earnings got the mortgage etc etc etc.... he could still take half the equity! Grrrr!!

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 19/07/2006 20:57

I agree with vvvqv....the proverbial (sp?) shit will hit the fan even though I think you've been more than fair with the taking on the debts and letting him choose access (providing it's suitable)
However....

You've absolutley don't the right thing toothy, without a shadow of a doubt you are better than him and better off without him.

Original poster
Toothache · 19/07/2006 20:58

LadyTH - By him choosing access I'm demonstrating that despite what he's convince everyone.... I am NOT stopping him seeing the kids! He's just not interested.

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 19/07/2006 21:01

I know ....hopfully he'll shoot himself in the foot with that one....

You've said he can see them whenever and Oh what joy it will bring you when everyone else realises he isn't bothered because he doesn't make the effort.....

Original poster
Toothache · 19/07/2006 21:02
Wink
OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/07/2006 21:05

Mind you....he might not respond at all......

You are doing fab Toothy. Am really proud of you.

Original poster
Toothache · 19/07/2006 21:07

H e will NOT like the 'return the car' part! He really won't expect that. But he was supposed to give me the money for it.... and despite getting paid on Friday and the loan payment & insurance coming out my account on Monday I've still received nothing. So he blew it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 19/07/2006 22:01

Bumpity bump.... anymore thoughts?

OP posts:
Flossam · 19/07/2006 22:16

Toothache I think I missed all this but have perused a bit and think I have some idea of what went on. So sorry for all this but you are doing the right thing and being very strong. Well done you.

glitterfairy · 20/07/2006 06:39

Fabulous Toothy! Well done and glad that your solicitor has been so positive for you! It is good when they fight your corner!

Of course he will fume but then so do they all even when you start off meek and mild! Best for all concerned to be clear as a crystal!

SoupDragon · 20/07/2006 08:02

Was he convicted of assault then, Toothy? Did I miss the trial?

FoghornLeghorn · 20/07/2006 09:46

Have been away for a while Toothy and missed a few bits and pieces. I don't think H will be best pleased at all to be honest but you've been extremely fair and reasonable as far as I can see.

Original poster
Toothache · 20/07/2006 22:08

Got a phone call at work today from the Nursery.... my neighbour had phoned them to say H was at the house and he was being abusive to my neighbour when he approached. By the time the Police caught up with him he had already been to court and been given a deferred sentence until JANUARY!!!!

He was trying to get in the back door..... turns out he's had another key cut at some point and has been accessing the house at his leisure, but as his bail conditions only stipulate he can't come near me he's not in breach of bail! He's taken the registration documents for the car at some point over the past 2 weeks.

God knows what else he's taken.

He couldnt' get in today coz I'd bolted the backdoor from the inside..... he wasn't happy.

No idea where is now!!!

OP posts:
Amanda1 · 20/07/2006 22:20

Message withdrawn

glitterfairy · 20/07/2006 22:20

Oh God Toothy! It feels like a violation of your privacy and safety. Get the police to fit an alarm and speak to the Domestic Violence officer.I would also get an alarm. the police can take witness statements from your neighbour and it gives you more to back up your case.

What a nightmare I am so sorry!!! I am sedning you a sisterly hug!

Original poster
Toothache · 20/07/2006 22:31

Phoned the DVLA and the police and they can't do anything. I'm f*cked so to speak. He can sell it. He can access the house when I'm not there.... until I get a proper restraining order.

He's clearly had this planned out. The reason he turned nasty is coz he's been coming in and reading all my mail from the Solicitor etc. He knows everything.... he must have been coming back today for the letter he wrote me. Its the only evidence now that he's breached bail. He didn't get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 20/07/2006 22:33

Glitterfairy - His bail conditions don't say anything about not going near the house if I'm not there. The police have confirmed that he can access the Marital home whenever he wants to. I can phone 999 if he turns up whilst I'm here..... but he's not being classed as a danger to me as long as I'm out the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 20/07/2006 22:35

DVAL say he can sell the car. He has all the paperwork now. I can't stop him.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 20/07/2006 23:23

Christ that is crap! Change the locks again Toothy this man must not be allowed to invade your privacy! How about an injunction? Your solicitor sounds pretty robust I would speak to him/her and get their advice about how to stop him coming into the house.

You must be frightened I am really sorry! ALso it is unfair and unjust this man is a complete nightmare to you and should not be allowed in your house.

Freckle · 21/07/2006 03:33

I agree. Change the locks. Have you contacted your local women's aid group? Some of them have access to security lights/systems where a woman feels in danger at home. After all, he may come round thinking you are out when you aren't. And what happens if he enters the house when you are out and you come home unexpectedly?

Good job your neighbour is being vigilant.

Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:11

Womens aid can't do ANYTHING! coz his bail conditions state he just can't come near ME!

I have no legal power. Solicitor told me that the best thing I can do is make sure that if he wants into the house he has to make a fuss..... therefore the police can get involved. If he tries whilst I'm there....fine. If not..... nothing they can do. There IS nothing I can do until he breaches bail.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:13

Locks are are changed at the front. Doors at the back are bolted. He can't get in now. But he can sue me for that!!! Afterall, its his house too in the eyes of the law.

OP posts:
poisson · 21/07/2006 21:14

a deferred sentence is VERy unsual in these parts
I have never given one in our area since it introcution in 2003

apprently ONE is supposed ot be our career aim

why is it deffered/

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