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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Solicitors letter now sent to H..... I'm awaiting the aftermath!

61 replies

Toothache · 19/07/2006 20:49

Saw my Solicitor today and explained everything about H and how he had been behaving over the past 3 weeks.

His letter to H goes something like this:

My client informs me that the marriage was abusive, it ended with you being convicted of assaulting my client and you have continued this abuse through text messages, phone messages and a letter left in the marital home.

This must not happen again or I will be forced to take legal action against you which, as you can appreciate, will be extremely costly to you. You will also be entitled to cover the legal costs of my client.

My client wants this resolved as quickly as possible as I'm sure you do too.

My client proposes that you sign over all rights to the house to my client, you return the car and pay my client £360 per month to cover half the child care costs.

In return my client will take on all the marital debts.

With regards to access to the children, my client leaves that to you to make a reasonable and realistic proposal for regular access, which my client will consider.

You have 10 days to respond to this. If I have not received a response in that time scale I will advise my client to take action through the courts.

I trust you will accept these conditions and would like this resolved as soon as possible.

Divorce proceedings will commence after.

What do you think?????? Think he'll be angry?? Pleased???

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 21:15

remove the letter and any other evidence from the house. permanently.

leave them at work or w/a friend or neighbour.

Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:15

Can I just point out that WOMENS AID have been SHIT! All they did was give me the number for a Solicitor, I've been offered NOTHING. No emotional help at all. They told me there was nothing they could do apart from advise me if I needed financial support. Disgusted by them. I phoned them crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:16

Poisson WHY would it be given again?? I've no idea. I'm left high and dry as usual. I know nothing. I'm just left here to wait until he tries to kill me!!!!!!! Then the police will get involved.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 21:18

i've no experience w/the scottish sheriff courts, toothy. i presume he's at the falkirk one?

perhaps it's being deferred b/c the judge wishes to impose a custodial sentence?

that sounds a bit odd.

Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:21

Expat - Apparently its to d with good behaviour. I really am being told nothing. Just hearsay from the Victim(not really) Support people. As it stand he can still take the kids.... I have no power to stop him. I need proof he's a danger to me to get him arrested and new bail conditions set. I'm terrified! Can't even sit at home without listening for every noise. I HATE HIM I HATE I HATE HIM!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 21:25

but the scottish sheriff court uses summary procedure to prosecute and sentence, if i understand correctly, so why defer?

expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 21:26

IIRC, the sheriff court's sentencing powers are limited to a maximum 12 month sentence, which is very usual.

did he plead guilty? b/c of course then he gets a discount.

Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:26

Coz he's been good??? Don't know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 21/07/2006 21:27

Pled guilty.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 21:27

he'll get at least a third off hte max sentence then.

poisson · 21/07/2006 21:44

contrary to ehte meeeeeeeeja the 1/3 discoutn is not complusory
its only 1/10 if they chcnge ther i plea att ehc ourt door for eg

a defferred sentene is normally used when someone shows that they may get somwthing doen int he mean time - like alcohol treatmenetn for eg
our local justice area is very anti them

poisson · 21/07/2006 21:45

you get 1/3 off ifnes if it is use thoguh
so speeding fines for eg are redudeed accordingly

expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 21:54

lemme flick thru my notes here . . .

holy moly!

trials in sheriff court are before a sheriff sitting alone!

poisson · 21/07/2006 21:56

"Petty offenders who have their sentence deferred may soon be required to demonstrate improved behaviour between court appearances - or face the prospect of a fine or community sentence.

Sheriffs often defer a decision on an appropriate punishment for an offender to allow the offender to prove that their criminal behaviour was an aberration.

Under new Executive proposals for Structured Deferred Sentences, an offender may need to do more than simply avoid trouble - they could be required to take part in sessions with social work staff and other professionals to look at issues around their criminal behaviour.

If they don't co-operate they could be given another, more punitive penalty.

Announcing plans to pilot the scheme in four areas across Scotland, Justice Minister Cathy Jamieson said:

"There are a large number of petty offenders who appear before our lower courts who might benefit from some form of social work intervention or supervision. Historically, where sentence had been deferred, there has been little opportunity for social workers to become involved in helping the offender overcome the causes of their criminal behaviour.

"Introducing structured deferred sentences as an additional option for courts will provide the opportunity for offenders to follow a programme which could include regular meetings with social work staff, and addressing those issues which might have contributed to their criminal behaviour.

"Where courts take this option, the onus is on petty offenders to prove that they want to move on and have taken steps to prevent an early experience of offending becoming a criminal career.

"If that offender takes part successfully in that programme then they are likely to be admonished, avoid a criminal record - and are less likely to re-offend. Tougher for the offender because they have to agree to being supervised in this way. Better for communities because the offender is under greater supervision.

"

expatinscotland · 21/07/2006 22:00

toothy PLEASE keep any evidence you have of his ill behaviour. start keeping a log.

for example, he was abusive to a neighbour today. write it down so you won't forget.

please.

Aimsmum · 21/07/2006 22:14

Message withdrawn

prettybird · 24/07/2006 11:40

Toothache - if you are still paying for the car under a loan, was it bought with a hire purchase agreement, or did you take a loan out at the bank and pay ofr it in full?

If the loan was from the car people, then you'll find that he can't sell it as it technically still belongs to them.

Whose name are the registration documents in?

FoghornLeghorn · 25/07/2006 14:34

Just catching up with this Toothy and am at his behaviour. What a horrible thought to know he has been accessing the house without you knowing.
Has your solicitor had a response to the letter sent last week ?

Original poster
Toothache · 26/07/2006 22:34

Evenin all. Not heard anything from H or my Solicitor.

PB - The car was bought with a personal loan.... in my name. So no come back there, as far as the car is concerned, its paid.

Have contacted the Family Mediation people who are sending H a letter. Now he'll have NO way of implying I'm stopping him seeing the kids. They arrange it at a contact centre. He just has to agree.... which he won't.

We're all fine though. SKINT, but fine.

OP posts:
prettybird · 27/07/2006 08:57

Things will get better Toothache?

Were the car's registration docuemnts in your dh's name then? If they weren't, surely he can't sell it? Or were they in ohis name as he is the one who can drive?

prettybird · 27/07/2006 08:58

Oops - didn't mean to have the question mark there - it was supposed to be an exclamation mark!

Original poster
Toothache · 29/07/2006 19:53

Found out today that H had phoned my parents house on Tuesday and left a message on their BT answerphone. They only discovered the message today!

Anyway, it said he's back in Scotland and back at work. He wanted to make arrangements to see the kids and also to tranfer money into my account, but he didn't know the account number blah blah blah.

WHOOPS! He must have thought my folks were ignoring his call!!!!!!!!! Plus since he's been back here for 5 days he probably hasn't received the letter from my Solicitor as it was sent to his parents in Liverpool. Oh dear. At least it now looks like he's going to give me some money!

Don't know what arrangements he wants to make for the kids, but if he's just wanting to pop around to my Mums every Friday and kick a ball about for half an hour then he's sadly mistaken!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 29/07/2006 19:55

PB - I'm named as the registered keeper. He can still sell it... I'd just have to sue him for half the money as its still a joint possession until a separation agreement has been signed saying otherwise. He needs it for work though, so I don't think he'll sell it. He probably just wanted to prevent me selling it.

At least I know where he is now eh!!

OP posts:
Alipiggie · 29/07/2006 20:19

How can he sell the car without your signature on the V5 or am i being very thick!!! You have to sign over ownership it's a legal document or will he forge your signature??

DVX · 30/07/2006 08:58

Toothache how are you in all of this? How are you managing?