Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lying cheating whoring husband

69 replies

PPaka · 09/12/2013 12:29

Marriage is a sham
He is just a pathological liar
He's saying he won't give up, wants me back
Can't live without us
Will kill himself
Meantime he's still texting some woman

I cannot believe what he has done to this family

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 10/12/2013 23:34

Don't worry about what you did then. You're doing the right thing now. He made those decisions. You are obviously a decent, honest person and the things he were up to were not on your radar.

You sound as if you're doing brilliantly.

Fairenuff · 11/12/2013 08:33

Stay strong. You are finally seeing the real him and it's not nice. But you will be ok. Have you got anyone to talk to in rl?

Original poster
PPaka · 11/12/2013 09:24

One friend has been great, doesn't know the whole story, but happy to trust me about how awful it is

Another friend Im seeing on Sunday, I'll tell her everything, right now she just knows we're separating. She knows how crap it's been and how hard I've tried.

Not told my family yet, well my sister knows something
Will tell them when I go home at the weekend

Was going to tell friend at lunch yesterday who has just been through a divorce, but the words wouldn't come out

Bad day today
Just want to curl up
And I've got so much to do that I'm just putting off.
Fuck it, the house can stay a mess

Xmas tree came last night, ds and I did a great job,
lovely time, he was so excited

I also have to come to terms with never having another child, I'm ovulating right now. Been trying for 5 years
So that is gutting to put it mildly

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 11/12/2013 09:46

O Ppaka, sorry you are having a horrible time your H sounds like a pig. I have just thrown my DP out after 20 years, he has been an EA ass but playing the victim. Well done on Xmas tree, not managed to get that far yet. I know exactly what you mean about putting things off, all so much to contend with.

Original poster
PPaka · 11/12/2013 20:40

Well done blossom
Hopefully this time next year we can look back and smile

I'm going over everything he's ever said and done and second guessing it
What a piece of shit

OP posts:
Original poster
PPaka · 12/12/2013 08:50

So he got let down by client last night
Who did he call to fill the reservation with him
The ow

He is begging me to take him back, but asks her to go to dinner with him

I want to send her a message, tell me what to say?

OP posts:
RubyGoat · 12/12/2013 09:05

Don't message her. Don't lower yourself. stay strong & keep the moral highground. It's harder but you'll know that you are better than either of them.

Sorry to bring this up, I don't think anyone has mentioned it, but have you been checked for STIs. It doesn't sound like he has been considering your safety at all.

Original poster
PPaka · 12/12/2013 09:16

I know I'll have to go
Bastard

OP posts:
Original poster
PPaka · 12/12/2013 11:04

Not doing v good

This is so hard
And I feel really alone
I can't wait to go home

OP posts:
enlightenmequick · 12/12/2013 15:40

Read this ppaka

cake eating

Fairenuff · 12/12/2013 16:13

We are here with you PP, you are not alone x

Original poster
PPaka · 12/12/2013 21:45

Take away the fork and leave!
Thanks for that

I'm spending too much time trying to figure him out
He's just a bad man, simple really

Tonight he has his work party, big do
He suggested he book a hotel room, because I wouldn't want him coming in drunk!
Really!!

OP posts:
Finola1step · 12/12/2013 21:53

You've got him right PP. You know he doesn't feel any real remorse, he only cares for himself. It will only stop because you stop it. Hold on to the thought of going back to your parents for Christmas, just you and your son. Tell them. And let them look after you.

enlightenmequick · 12/12/2013 22:12

'I'm spending too much time trying to figure him out'

there is an article on that too

Wink
enlightenmequick · 12/12/2013 22:21

'He's just a bad man, simple really'

trust that they suck

He really does suck. He is definitely a prize prick, that you don't deserve. Hope you are free of him -and his despicable treatment of you- very soon.

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 12/12/2013 22:35

Sorry to have to ask this, but are you sure he won't try anything whist you are away over xmas. I mean change the locks or anything he could do about the house.
I'm not sure what I mean really but he sounds a horrible man who could be capable of anything. I don't mean frightening but definitely deceitful.

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 12/12/2013 22:36

Could you not change the locks yourself whilst he's out, then you can go off for xmas knowing he was gone eventually.

meeeemo · 12/12/2013 22:44

m

Original poster
PPaka · 12/12/2013 22:52

Really don't think so
He's going to see his mum over Christmas
There's a chance he might not come back I guess
Jack in his job and leave.
That's the type of selfish cowardly, can't face up to it, thing he'd do.
He wouldn't lock his son out of the house

OP posts:
Twinkleandbunty · 13/12/2013 11:15

PPaka you sound very together and brave.
When you discover something like this it shakes you to your core - I nearly went mad trying to figure out why my ex didn't want me.
But now, I actually feel sorry for the OW - she's landed herself with a selfish, tight-fisted, arrogant arsehole and she's welcome to him!
It's taken me the best part of a year to get here. And some therapy. But my god, I'm a lot happier now!
You sound as if you are cool headed and calm.
Keep posting here and stay strong.

and kick his sorry butt into next week

Original poster
PPaka · 13/12/2013 16:47

I can actually be thankful for one thing
My heart isn't breaking
I'm not going to miss him at all

I'm astounded that he can do this. That's the struggle.
And he's going to turn nasty at some point
But I don't really care that he's going

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 13/12/2013 17:14

PPaka you sound like you are doing well and keeping it together. Try and have a great weekend.

Aroundtheworldandback · 13/12/2013 17:42

PPaka I had to answer your post because I was you. He was a pathological lier who swore on his children's lives he wasn't having an affair, threatened to kill himself if I left him. Strangely enough, at the same time he told our dd5 "Daddy loves another mummy". So you get the picture. The hardest thing I found was the disappointment that the person I had chosen was such a bad person.

No you won't miss him at all; yes he will turn nasty. But after the nastiness and him recede into the background, be prepared to live without anxiety and fear, to look forward to every day.

10 years on I am remarried to the type of man I didn't even believe existed, and my only problem now is not taking my life for granted. Look forward to the future.

Original poster
PPaka · 13/12/2013 19:04

Thanks, glad to hear a happy ending

I don't think another relationship is in my future

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldandback · 13/12/2013 19:50

How on earth can you say that? If only you knew how wrong you are. You simply have to accept that even though you will be more suspicious next time round before getting involved (a good thing), good things will happen to you.You will have learnt from this and make well informed, positive choices x