Scared for the future

[PPaka]

Just confronted husband with knowledge of him trying to hook up with other women
He is trying to blame me
He is going to be a complete bastard
Threats, etc
The future is so scary- what the fuck is he going to do
I think he's capable of anything

PPaka, what's happening now? Are you safe?

He's not violent
But I think he's just delusional
Some of the things he came out with
Mean, nasty. Threatening, not physical violence to me, but suggesting he would see me on the streets
And he's been sharking around
I think he's just mad that he's been found out
He says if I try again he won't be a bastard! Who thinks like that?

I'm just scared of the lies he is capable of
And the nastiness

He can't hurt you with lies if you don't let him. Do you plan to end your marriage? It sounds like you really should. His threats are a way to make you stay but really he can't hurt you, as long as you have a plan, gather your important papers (passport, drivers licence, birth certificate, financial documents etc) and keep them somewhere safe / hidden and stick with your resolve. Don't rise to the bait.

Oh God yes, we're done

He took her to 'our' restaurant
He invited her for a weekend away

And what do I do about her?

And there's websites too that he joined
And there's drugs and lies. Just so many lies

Wide awake
So worked up
Can hear him fucking snoring

Domestic abuse is not just physical violence. If he has work tomorrow don't start up any discussion. Let him go then get on the phone to womans aid for advice.

I'm sorry you're in this situation but please don't panic. As a wife you have quite a lot of power on your side legally, and I'd recommend you have an urgent chat to CAB or a solicitor so that you have some sound professional advice to back you up. He can't put you out on the street, put it that way.

If he is aggressive & threatening to the point that you are frightened for yourself or DCs then don't take any chances with your safety. Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 are a good resource for help if that describes your situation

You don't do anything about her because you're not married to her, you're married to him. He's the one you have the marriage contract with and the one whose behaviour is appalling. Good luck

Hi
Thanks
Had 2 hours sleep
This morning he came in and was insistent that we were not splitting up, said he believed we could work it out

He's since calmed down a bit, and is saying he's sorry, we don't deserve it etc
Last night he said he was cancelling the credit card, this morning he's offering to buy me a new watch strap

I'm angry and hurt and cried a lot on the phone to him
He says he's told a friend what he's done and the friend said he was an idiot.yeah, an idiot to get caught

He says he knows I'm resolute in this

We'll see how long this stage lasts
At some point he will start feeling hard done by again
And then the abuse will come back

I do know the local council has great domestic abuse support, they helped me a couple of years ago. Why I went back to him, I don't know. Could have been through all this by now

Have you told him to leave?

Good point cogito!
I've told him we're done
I haven't actually said the words " you'll have to leave"
Guess I should make that clear to him!
I really don't want up waste money on hotel rooms, so he's coming home tonight then I will tell him to find somewhere

Long term I need to take advice on whether to stay in house, go back to my old flat or sell up everything and move 20miles away to my hometown.
Obviously I'd prefer to stay in house, I'm not working, so couldn't secure mortgage on my own
What I really need is interview I went for 2 weeks ago to offer me a job

What a bastard, I'm shaking inside

Have you booked the CAB or solicitor appointment?

He reckons he hasn't slept with her
Whatever
But when I asked him had he even been unfaithful he said "yes, you know that"
Then he backtracked when he saw my face
I think he's honestly forgotten that I never got to the bottom if the last little dalliance, he thinks I knew he did! How can you be mistaken in that?

On the phone now

I can't stop shaking

Ppaka Just wanted to hold your hand. You are doing the right thing.

Thanks Gin!
Calmed down a bit now
Spoke to cab who have introduced me to solicitor
She is calling me back, they are pretty booked up but might be able to point me in The right direction
They also pointed me in the directo of the online advice guide which is good, but I really want to talk to someone
The law centre has clinics but nothing during the day, which is no good to me.

Btw it's amazing how many services the council can offer
Parenting/self confidence courses

Phone appt with solicitor tomorrow

He's come home tonight all keen to put ds to bed
Ha

So now he seems to be pretending nothing happened

he said he was cancelling the credit card

Do you have any independent finance, or is it all tied up with his?

That would be my foremost concern. I advocate every woman to be financially independent. Always.

I've moved all the money into my account
I do have access to funds
But if he refused to pay over next month I'd be in trouble
I think he's backed down from that threat

You say an appointment during the day is no good. Do you work? Could you take an afternoon's leave? It's important