Abusive ex just called - it's been 6 years FFS!

[thepobblewhohasnotoes]

Just got woken up by abusive arsehole ex.

He called to say my son is his. I thought he'd dropped that years ago. It's a physical impossibility for my son to be his, unless I was pregnant for 11 months. He knows this but doesn't want to acknowledge it, it's his only way to keep his claws into me.

Aaaargh.

I left my hometown and lied about where I'd moved to to get away from him, made my facebook private and defriended anyone connected with him. But it's been a while so I've started to relax a bit. Just went and checked my Facebook settings and somehow "future posts" is now set to public so I've changed that (fucking Facebook).

This is a horrible feeling. I still haven't recovered from the damage that relationship did to me. If I never hear from him again it'll be too soon.

I am terrified of him having any kind of contact with my son. He's liable to say or do crazy stuff. I don't want him near my children, or DP, me or anyone I know.

Does he know where you are mate? Is there anything on fb that gives it away?

He has no rights to your son .

Can you block his number ??

I would close my FB account now if I were you.

Have you offered him a DNA test, at his expense to prove he is not the father?

He's sending texts now saying he wants a paternity test "for closure" and is going to see a solicitor.

I seriously doubt he'll get it together to do it (he's become drug addict last I heard). I did say, when I had the baby that I was happy to do a paternity test but that I wasn't prepared to pay for it. I looked it up online and found one for £150.

But I'm not prepared to do that now, my son is 5, not a baby, and I don't want that arsehole anywhere near us.

I don't think he really believes it anyway, it's just a way of trying to wheedle his way back in, to have some contact.

don't respond at all. you've no reason for him to be part of your life.

Worth changing your number?

I don't think he knows where I am. I told him I'd gone somewhere I do have links to, so it was believable. The town I actually live in is small though, if he came here he'd find us. That thought scares me.

Fuck. If you google my name, my hometown comes up associated with my name, via several sites. Things I've joined and liked. I've become slack. Off to delete it all now.

I've had the same number for a decade, I really don't want to change it. I'm going to save his number this time so I know not to answer in future.

I've replied to one of his texts "you are harassing me. If you carry on with this nonsense I will go to the police. I do not want anything to do with you, leave me alone"

I doubt it will make him go away. he used to say he was going to commit suicide to manipulate me.

I've told him several times that I would have had to have been pregnant for 11 months it it were his, he just acts like I never said it.

Sorry to hear you've had the same kind of thing moldingsunbeams

fuck. My name and town is all over the internet. Petitions I've signed, an image library I joined. How to get rid of it all?!

I've changed the details on the accounts but they still come up with the old details in google. Will that disappear or stay?

You poor thing. If this man makes you worry this much I would be calling 101 now, to make a record. Send screen prints of the time he called you and retain them. Let the police know how you feel. I doubt he's committed a crime but it's important to let the police know you feel threatened/vulnerable.

I think you have to realise that you can't have a public life at all if you don't want to be found. Now it's probably too late, so I'd go to the police and, if necessary, take him on for harassment. Ultimately, it may lead to more lasting results than to hide.

I had to do this, delete all traces of myself from the internet. For most stuff it seemed to take google about a week to catch up. Some stuff you can never get rid of though... For example, I am the trustee of a charity and that is public by law. Try www.pipl.com it seemed to find most things. I tend to scan about once a month to see what is out there about me.

Unfortunately with the way google works it stores copies of webpages it finds, see here something on google caching

Would it be worth alerting your DS' school to this?

I'd go to the police and report this, frankly. Then get a non-molestation order. It's harassment, and borders on stalking.

Could you get a solicitor to write to him saying all further comms through them or a third party? And ask the police for advice?

This will take the wind out of his sails as you just block him everywhere, and there won't be any instant responses and you are dealing with it at arms length.

If I were you, I might actually fork over the money for the damn paternity test, prove it to him and then go to court and seek an order of protection so that any contact he has with you will result in his instant arrest. And just go over safety words with you DS to be double sure.

Be safe OP.

Because he's an ex, this falls under domestic violence.

I'd let him get a court order for a paternity test. If you do one he may still harass you because he might not "believe" it.

And a call by the police will probably carry more weight than a solicitor's letter.

I've got no idea where he lives now. He was thrown out of his council flat for non payment of rent, around the time we split up. (or I f I'm reluctant to ask for an address as any contact, even through police or solicitor feels like