Abusive ex just called - it's been 6 years FFS!

[thepobblewhohasnotoes]

Just got woken up by abusive arsehole ex.

He called to say my son is his. I thought he'd dropped that years ago. It's a physical impossibility for my son to be his, unless I was pregnant for 11 months. He knows this but doesn't want to acknowledge it, it's his only way to keep his claws into me.

Aaaargh.

I left my hometown and lied about where I'd moved to to get away from him, made my facebook private and defriended anyone connected with him. But it's been a while so I've started to relax a bit. Just went and checked my Facebook settings and somehow "future posts" is now set to public so I've changed that (fucking Facebook).

This is a horrible feeling. I still haven't recovered from the damage that relationship did to me. If I never hear from him again it'll be too soon.

I am terrified of him having any kind of contact with my son. He's liable to say or do crazy stuff. I don't want him near my children, or DP, me or anyone I know.

I am speaking as someone who couldn't disappear and abusive/threatening ex knows where I live, work, etc.

I wish I could have disappeared easily, but unless I changed jobs to something else entirely different, my career involves my work location being public (although not famous at all).
So, I just had to live with being a possible target for exH, and we have a child together. The only positive is that he lives abroad.

Anyway, it is possible to conquer the fear (although always being cautious) and to just keep hammering with the police until they essentially give up or get arrested.

Thanks for the replies everyone. It helps to think it through.

"Anyone living a normal life these days leaves a digital footprint." He's not living a normal life AFAIK. The small grip he had on a "normal life" totally fell apart when he got addicted to drugs. About 4 years ago I spotted him begging by a cashpoint, in my old town. I was with DP and some of his friends, thank goodness I saw ex before he saw me, and avoided him. How awful would that have been had he seen us? I know he would have made a scene had he spotted us, he's an emotional vampire, he thrives on the drama.

I don't think contacting me is to do with money though, despite the drugs - although no doubt he would try to wheedle some out of me if I did let him in to my life. When I was with him, he would go on about how much he missed his young DS, and that his ex wouldn't let him see him. The naive idiot I was back then, I helped him contact her by paying for presents for the boy and sending them at Christmas, several years running. It was only later I found out they'd been to court, the courts wouldn't even allow him supervised access because of his violence, he was allowed to write letters, that was all. He was too chaotic to even do that though. There was some kind of injunction on him. He knew where the house was, and said he wasn't going there out of respect for her, but actually it was the injunction. He used to go on about how she was keeping his son from him, and how I'd never do that, would I? He did eventually go anyway, drunk, one Christmas, to try to see his son, and found they'd moved. If he knew where I lived, I really wouldn't be surprised if he turned up eventually.

No, I meant YOU are living a normal life, and thus you are leaving a digital footprint. You are doing nothing wrong, or unusual, and you shouldn't have to worry about a shithead like this looking you up. In a different time, he might have looked you up in the phone directory.

What I mean is, you shouldn't have to change your normal life because of this prick. That's what the police is meant to ensure. If he harasses you or your family even a tiny little bit, call them. Every single time. Until he gets bored (and he will, from what you say).

Ive just read this and thought maybe you could get a dna test done from YOUR partner. So it shows if needed that he isn't the father.

Then call the police and ignore!