Possible other woman. Don't know what to do

[kellovesorangesoda]

Name changed for this one. Where do I start.
Basically been with dh for 10 years. We have 2 dd's.
Over the last couple of weeks he has been talking to this woman who he said was just a friend. Fair enough. She even added me on facebook after I came in during one of their phonecall's and said hi. Basically I had a feeling something wasn't right so did a bit of snooping.
I found messages between them mainly innocent but they seemed very close considering the only met a few weeks ago through work.
Last night he said he was going to a friends house to check out his new xbox. This seemed strange as hes never mentioned this guy before. So off he went that night. I just had a feeling he was keeping something from me so went snooping again and found all messages between dh and this woman had been deleted.
I confronted him tonight, he lied at first but eventually told me that he had in fact been to her house. Then I found out he took her to the cinema last week too. Again he said he had gone with another friend.
He said nothings going on and they're just friends. He was at hers last night for about 2 hours. Even asking me for money for petrol to get there.
I've kicked him out. I don't know whether to believe him about whether anything happened or not. But he's lied to me repeatedly.
I don't know if i've done the right thing. Am I over reacting?

Hope you are ok, OP.

He says that he was wrong for lying and is sorry for that.

But he is still lying to you.

No, those arrangements were not 'spur of the moment'. You know that, he knows that, we all know that.

So ask yourself this. Why is he persisting with these lies?

I suspect it is because he is hiding more from you. What did he do at her house on the 23rd?

What on earth did he go to her house for? Why did they feel the need for a get-together away from other people?
Ask him that.

He's fooling himself - at best. This is very dangerous territory he's got himself into and he's absolutely not thinking about you and your family. You are not over-reacting. It's a shame you took him back though I understand why you'd want to.

This is an EA at best.

Disagree with mammadiggingdeep, I am a married woman and would go to the cinema with a married man - I sometimes go to lunch and the theatre with colleagues - it's called liberation!

Personally I think OP should discuss the situation with her DH, 10 years of marriage and 2 children must be worth some consideration / discussion before you both throw in the towel.

You're kind of missing the point, ladylapsang. Its not going to the cinema per se that's the problem. It's the secrecy, lies and deletion of many text messages that puts a different slant on it. She'd be foolish to ignore her antennae waving on this one.

I am a married woman and would go to the cinema with a married man

But would you lie to your husband about it?

Yeah- I didn't really mean there would never be a situation where I wouldn't go to the cinema with a married guy. If my partner knew him, knew of the nature of the relationship and it was open then yes. I've never my colleagues partners and wives apart from fleetingly so I wouldn't ever go to the cinema with them because I would feel That possibly it could be misconstrued.
Liberation isn't crossing lines and possibly causing problems in somebody else's relationship.

How are things in the bedroom?

"I sometimes go to lunch and the theatre with colleagues - it's called liberation!"

:o

Liberation?

Is it indeed.

What a sad and limited idea of freedom you have if you think going to the theatre with colleagues is called "liberation".

Telling a woman whose husband is lying to her and taking another woman out on dates behind her back that she should put up with it in the name of "liberation" is called "cool wife-ism".

Google 'How to find deleted messages on Facebook' there's a 2 minute tutorial that comes up on YouTube, basically you request your Facebook archive which then gets emailed to your Facebook registered email.

If he has nothing to hide and this will give you both closure on this, request he does this. It will get sent to his email address. Then you can review the emails between them, if it's a deal breaker. I'd want to know myself especially if my trust in my partner was shaken like this.

Taking another man/woman to the cinema/meals/drinks isn't the issue at all.

The deliberate lying about it is; I think the come home, lie about where you are going and borrow money is the kicker.

By omission lies are bad enough (not mentioning it was an individual/man or woman) - this was blatant