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Original poster

Lovely new man-but heres the bad bit..

140 replies

memorylapse · 23/11/2013 19:06

met a nice guy on a dating site..after a few disastrous dates with others..we had a lot in common and I was attracted to him..he invited me out to see a band a few days lately and after a lovely evening..he walked me home..he is 46..he seperated from his wife last year who he was with for thirteen years..she was ten years younger....

He told me he fancied me and wanted to see me again..all looking good..he leaned in to kiss me then proceeded to kiss me like they did in the old black and white movies!..pursed lips..just kind of wiggled his head around..I couldnt really kiss him back because it just wasnt possible..it was completely weird..that last time I was kissed like that I was 14!

so is this a really bad sign..he wants me to go round tonight..but if he kisses me like that again I will scream..and Im really unsure about taking things further..which is a shame because I really liked him..but it was honestly like kissing a piece of cardboard..there was no response..just pursed lips..bit of a damp squid..but he seems really into me..

OP posts:
butterballs9 · 29/11/2013 13:05

This thread is hilarious! Well, I do think there is a correlation between how good someone is in bed and how they kiss but it is not necessarily a very close one. I think what is also very important, if you are wanting a good intimate relationship, is how he touches you. That might be even more important than kissing.

A man who knows how to touch can literally turn you to jelly. It's happened to me a few times. I literally went into a swoon for several hours and had to lie down.

A fantastic kisser is also a rare treat. I was once kissed by probably the best looking man I had ever seen. He no doubt had masses of experience with women. Boy, did he know how to kiss. Completely knocked my socks off. I was too much of a prude to take it any further, although he wanted to. Probably missed what would have been the best sex ever. I just know it would have been awesome.

But I was too hooked up on being the 'nice girl who doesn't do it'. Sigh!
Also, although I could see that objectively he was fantastically good looking but actually I wasn't really 'that' into him. He was almost too good looking. So the chemistry wasn't very high - at least for me. I think I was probably slightly intimidated by him and not confident enough.

MonkeysInTheFog · 29/11/2013 13:17

Butterballs - not necessarily. See my earlier post (fantastic kisser/rubbish at the rest).

And even if he'd been above average in bed he probably wouldn't have been as good as his kissing implied iykwim.

OohBridget · 29/11/2013 13:30

butterballs
I met one of those once. He was literally gods gift. I swear he made me orgasm just looking at me!

Eventually I struck up a conversation with him. Soon came crashing to earth. What s knobjockey.

Hogwash · 29/11/2013 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklestein · 29/11/2013 19:51

A male friend of mine who started off gay and became straight said that of the people he had snogged, (and there's been quite a few), more men were bad kissers than women. "Hard and jabby" is how he described it.

Thumbwitch · 29/11/2013 22:02

OohBridget - does your DH have a tongue tie? Can he stick his tongue right out? Cos if not, that might be the problem. My DH has a tongue tie that was never dealt with and isn't the best kisser either, although he's definitely not the worst!

Original poster
memorylapse · 30/11/2013 23:23

Ok, last night we went out for a meal..had a lovely evening, enjoying each others company..he complimented me lots of times on how I looked..and ditto..we left and went back to his..this time the equipment was in full working order and I have realised that I love kissing him! He was obviously nervous the first time..he is very tactile which I like..he is still lovely..now even lovelier..(makes mental note to self..NOT to jump in feet first)..we are now going to see how it goes..we are going out again..he has texted and told me how much he enjoyed last night Smile..we are going out again tomorrow..

OP posts:
redundantandbitter · 30/11/2013 23:38

WHOOO a happy story at last... Perseverance !

Yey to you , meal and tactile lover...sigh ... Good on you x

Original poster
memorylapse · 01/12/2013 09:19

Thanks Redundant Smile I have been following your threads too..I finally left my H in May 2012 eighteen months after he declared he no longer loved me..I suspected OW but couldnt prove and he denied it..I finally discovered the evidence this year..it had been going on for three years.

She then dumped him..so he came crawling back to me and I told him to get lost..this is the first time that I have actually felt ready to embark on anything with someone else..the last two years have consisted of healing and discovering who I am..I have almost weakened and had him back many a time but he was an EA and I would rather be without anyone..than with him...

OP posts:
redundantandbitter · 01/12/2013 09:42

Oh memory!

Why not just tell you he had OW! How stupid is he to think you wouldn't guess? Apologies,but he doesn't sound v bright. And if he thinks YOU'RE that daft then you are most certainly better off alone.

I was bloody miserable with my DDs father - woukd rather have noone than him. I dearly loved my Exp
(Yes I was OW) but he's moved on. Just goes to show they don't learn, stumbling from one mistake to the next.

Good on you got not taking him back, that must have been hard. And NOW you have something positively lovely. I hope you both have a great first Xmas together x

halfwildlingwoman · 01/12/2013 10:09

Ahh, he sounds lovely. Enjoy it! There's a poster on another thread who was rather sadly saying that their snogging days are over.I hope she's reading this for encouragement.

You have brought back a lovely memory of a fling I had in Scotland when I was young. He was a fantastic kisser and kept paying for my cabs! He did this incredibly erotic foreplay thing where he kissed every part of my body until I was just writhing with desire. I know the sex would have been amazing but his flatmate came home and had to sleep on the floor of the bedroom. Two days later he dumped me to go back to his tall rich blonde American girlfriend. (I'm brunette, 5,4 and skint) Damn.

Original poster
memorylapse · 01/12/2013 18:30

Redundant- oh it was obvious he was having an affair..at one point he even walked out and moved in with her..but they were just friends apparently ((laughs hysterically))..it started when my youngest was new born..he has now told that it was because I was bad tempered and didnt pay him enough attention..I just think he is sad and pathetic..I personally think that now my H has got away with a three year affair..the next partner he has be it someone new or the OW ( not sure what is going on and do not really care) he will do it again..because he refuses to address the things that enabled him to give himself permission to have an affair..

OP posts:
redundantandbitter · 01/12/2013 19:10

You are right . I am watching my exp jump from wife to me, from me to yoga lady in several years. So
Stupid really coz I would have stuck by him. Buy it's their loss, let them stumble while we work through the real
Issues here and in counselling which is costing me a bleedin fortune , I should invoice exp

Original poster
memorylapse · 03/12/2013 11:45

yes just remind yourself..the loss is his..not yours..I was where you are for a long time..until I nearly died from a bacterial infection in my hand last March..it opened my eyes to the fact that I could stay in limbo for ever or move on....I also see him for the sad pathetic piece of work he really is and realise he was an EA from day one..I feel stronger and happier without him as my partner..you will get to that point..its early days but you will get there

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 03/12/2013 12:21

OK, it must be time to post .

I was tempted to post the karaoke version as it started with a delightful advert starring David Tennant and kittens. I normally avoid ones with adverts but there are of course exceptions. Still, karaoke is NOT the same.

sicily1921 · 03/12/2013 16:28

memory give the guy a chance, he might just be really nervous!
Wishing you all the best with him seriously, if he's so nice you need to 'suck it and see' if you'll pardon the expression.

sicily1921 · 03/12/2013 16:29

Oops sorry, didn't see the later thread, I'm glad all worked out! Smile

Original poster
memorylapse · 04/12/2013 18:22

Well sadly..looks like it is not going anywhere..I don't expect to hear from him again..never mind..

OP posts:
Utterly · 04/12/2013 18:33

Why is it not going anywhere?

Utterly · 04/12/2013 18:33

Why is it not going anywhere?

Original poster
memorylapse · 04/12/2013 18:40

Well after a lovely night..heard nothing more...no arrangements made to see each other again...sent him a friendly text late afternoon..and got very non commital thanks for a great night..text back..but that was it..he doesnt really contact me much and I often have to initiate it..am kind of thinking..he sees me as a friends with benefits kind of thing which wasn't what I wanted

OP posts:
redundantandbitter · 04/12/2013 19:07

Huh? Nooooooo

Original poster
memorylapse · 04/12/2013 19:15

Ah well..it was nice while it lasted..

OP posts:
Original poster
memorylapse · 12/01/2014 21:03

just an update-still going strong, after an initial glitch, we see each other about twice a week,no idea where its going to go, if at all, will just take it as it comes

OP posts:
hermionepotter · 12/01/2014 22:16

Smile good news! I love an update OP, glad it's going well