Need to vent - I'm angry :-(

[stressed8132]

Feel so angry right now. I'm mum to 6DC the youngest is 7 months. He is really difficult colic,reflux,possible milk allergy- He is up at least 8 times a night. I get up with him whilst partner sleeps. Last few weeks has been hell.
This morning I had my wisdom teeth removed all 4- gums stiched. My face is already swollen. I had vallium as I am a wuss. I took my children to school dropped my 3 year old off at grandma's (6 miles away I dont drive) did a shop , dropped it off and went to the dentist. Partner finished work at 10.30 he only started at 8 and met me there to take me home. I felt a bit off it from the vallium. We get home and he goes upstairs leaving me with the baby. I go up to find him having a nap because he is tired. He was so called having time off to help me. He shouted at me because house was untidy - I didnt have time to do it this morning, besides it was tidy when I went to bed.
Im sat here in pain face looking like I have been in a boxing match and he is fast asleep. Im left with a baby screaming when all I want to do is sleep and take some strong pain killers.
Is he being selfish or should I have just gotten on with it ?
I feel let down by him. I need knee surgery but how can I if he cant even help for one day and that would be weeks. Thoughts please

You are not being unreasonable!! Wake him up, hand him the baby and get into bed.

When you've had a few hours sleep and feel better, tell him what a useless shite he is.

He is behaving appallingly!!

Is he being selfish? That you have to ask that question is revealing He is not only selfish, he is a bully. Does he often shout at you if the house is untidy? Is this normal behaviour from him? I'm appalled.

You poor thing! Face ache after the dentist is the pits but this on top makes me want to come round and help you!

He sounds like a really horrible man

He is being selfish and irresponsible. You've had surgery, and taken valium, and he leaves you with the baby so he can have a nap, and complains that the house is not tidy enough?!

Wake him up.

Jesus, you poor thing. I had 2 wisdom teeth out a few years ago and it was very painful and very upsetting. You are in no way a wuss for taking Valium - that sounds very sensible to me!

Yes he is being selfish - and that's being polite about it. He seems to think that the house and the children are nothing to do with him, despite you just having had oral surgery and being swollen and in pain. You have every right to be furious. You have every right to expect your partner to step in and take over house and children duties while you recover. This is not how a loving, caring, supportive partner behaves. Has he always been so insensitive and rotten to you?

Sending you and hoping that you feel better soon

BTW... If you're angry, why not tell him you're angry rather than 'venting' on the internet? Are you frightened of him?

I'm angry for you. What a lazy bastard. Get to bed and sleep.

I had my 4 wisdom teeth out in hospital under general. It is a horrible and painful procedure and you need to recover.

No If I tell him I am upset or feel let down he twists it around so that it is my fault. He can be nasty with hid mouth not physically. He always thinks he is right and never say's sorry. He wouldnt normally shout about the house because I would usually of tidied it.

Having time off to help you was inaccurate, he sounds no help at all. Six DCs and the last thing you need is an unsupportive partner.

Ask your mother if you can stop round her place for 48 hours. 'D'P gets ample sleep let him take charge of home and the older 4 DCs this weekend.

If the older DCs are at school is it the 3 year old and next oldest who make the mess? Or is it Dad not picking up plates and papers?

DCs can help tidy - ask them to pick up stuff and if the older two are over 10 they can certainly use a carpet sweeper or fold up washing.

Btw expect you have consulted a dietitian, sorry if you have looked into this but could your baby also have tongue tie? That can lead to colic and gassiness and unsettled babies.

What an absolute arsehole. Arse on every level. Clearly now is not the time to deal with it (you've enough on your plate and should be resting). But once you've had a rest you need big words

'He can be nasty with hid mouth not physically. He always thinks he is right and never say's sorry'

OP, this is emotional abuse. It is not normal and it is not something you should be expected to put up with. I can't advise you on what to do next but please keep posting - you will get loads of support on here. Please be very clear that this is not your fault, it is not normal, it is not a 'typical man' thing - it is cruel and unacceptable behaviour.

You've got 7 kids not 6.
What support does he actually offer you?
I'd be waking him up, handing him the baby, tell him that dinner will need to be cooked and you need to have a serious chat lat once you're feeling a bit more up to it and the kids are in bed. Then take some painkillers and go to bed.
You must tell him how you feel, if he doesn't like it tell him to leave!

Selfish pig. I bet he expects you to wait on him hand and foot whenever he has so much of a sniffle?

Wake him up, hand him the baby, then come round here and get some kip. I don't mind

Seriously though, tell him to stow it. If he wants the house tidy, he can do it, he can't be that tired if he was only at work for 2.5 hours!

He's an arsehole!

for you

He sounds nasty, lazy, uncaring and a bully. You sound like you have a hell of a lot to deal with by yourself. Is he always like this when you are poorly?

'Nasty with his mouth' is abusive behaviour. Bet he bullied you into having 6 DCs as well. Sounds the type that like their women 'barefoot, pregnant and chained to the kitchen sink'

You don't have to live like this OP

He made the mess. I took baby to bed once the kids was asleep. Was his plates glasses magazines couple of bottles he had promised to wash and the bowls from breakfast. I thought making my appointment was more important than tidying that would take 20 mins at most.I washed uniforms and ironed for rest of week changed all the beds and hoovered throughout yesterday. I did a shop of easy meals so it would be easier and bits to keep kids entertained. My children do help, they are very good like that. Even the 3 year old helps. He just wanted something to be an arse about.

I guessed it would be his mess . You and your DCs sound a good team. Unfortunately they don't have a good role model in their father. Has he always been like this?

So your 3 year old child helps around the house, but your children's grown adult father does nothing? This is not a healthy environment for any of you OP

omg ! I had two taken with stitches do know what your feeling!

Tell him to get the fuck up and look after dc what an arsehole!

I had 3 children when we met. We had 3 together. I wanted a big family maybe not so big.To be fair he didnt want the last one. Failed contraception (copper iud). I didnt want a termination and told him I would do it alone if need be. He works 37 hours a week and provides but thats it. I do everything else.

Provides what? Money? You realise, if he wasn't there he'd still have to provide money? You have to stand up to this horrible man.

Stop beating yourself up about the number of children you have. It does after all take two to make a baby.
I agree with the person who advised you to take yourself off for a couple of days (finacnes permitting).
Some men are just woeful babies. Yours sounds like her fits that mould.
[soft] and a and som for you.

He is quite lazy, but is getting worse. Having 6 kids I have to run a tight ship and have routines in place. There is so much to do. I cant even be ill lol

From a guys point of view this fella is out of order for expecting you to do all of this after the moning you have just had.
And he had taken the time off to support you too, and that support is in the form of........
Having a nap, what a wimp!