Need to vent - I'm angry :-(

[stressed8132]

Feel so angry right now. I'm mum to 6DC the youngest is 7 months. He is really difficult colic,reflux,possible milk allergy- He is up at least 8 times a night. I get up with him whilst partner sleeps. Last few weeks has been hell.
This morning I had my wisdom teeth removed all 4- gums stiched. My face is already swollen. I had vallium as I am a wuss. I took my children to school dropped my 3 year old off at grandma's (6 miles away I dont drive) did a shop , dropped it off and went to the dentist. Partner finished work at 10.30 he only started at 8 and met me there to take me home. I felt a bit off it from the vallium. We get home and he goes upstairs leaving me with the baby. I go up to find him having a nap because he is tired. He was so called having time off to help me. He shouted at me because house was untidy - I didnt have time to do it this morning, besides it was tidy when I went to bed.
Im sat here in pain face looking like I have been in a boxing match and he is fast asleep. Im left with a baby screaming when all I want to do is sleep and take some strong pain killers.
Is he being selfish or should I have just gotten on with it ?
I feel let down by him. I need knee surgery but how can I if he cant even help for one day and that would be weeks. Thoughts please

Yep he provides money but he makes out im a sponger.He tells me what i can and cant spend it on.

It doesn't matter if you had one child by him or 12. The fact is he isn't sharing the load, he's not doing right by you. You can't discuss things rationally with The Man Who's Always Right. If he feels hard done by he could at least come out with it rather than treat you like a skivvy and berate you.

He could start keeping you short of money or quibble about paying for your older DCs' clothes or food. Did you and your older DCs move in with him? Bullies know how to pick their moments when you are feeling at your most vulnerable. Do you have any support outside the home?

Another graduate of the Taliban School of Marriage Guidance.... OP you are in a really unhealthy, abusive relationship with this throwback bully of a man. You do not have to live this way. No-one does.

You sound as though you are in an abusive relationship love. Certainly a dysfunctional one.

Find out how much it'd cost to arrange childcare for 6 kids and tell him that this is what you are saving the family.

My EX did this to me, 2 dental implants, so horrendous that I went into some kind of mental shut down, and he couldn't be bothered to get me the pain killers my dentist gave him the prescription for.

did bugger all with my only son that day either.

Please take a long look at how your day to day life really is with this guy and look at how you could get financial support to go it alone without him.

I think you will find life a heck of a lot easier. As it stands, you can't have your knee op if he is going to fail you and your family like this again

No thats one thing. Its my house. He is still asleep. My oldest is on his xbox and my mum has picked the others up from school taken them to mc donalds and will bring them home after DDs dance lesson at 7. Baby is having a nap so im going to join him. Thanks for all your advice and support x

please get him to leave. Please look into what Tax credits/HB etc you would get if he wasn't there.

If it's your house, turf his sorry backside out of it. Seems to be you and your DM doing all the work anyway...

Why on EARTH are you putting up with that bulls**t?!

Is there some reason you haven't kicked his lazy, nasty arse onto the street?

And PLEASE don't say he's a great Dad...

Its my house.

I am so glad to hear it.

Cogito
"Another graduate of the Taliban School of Marriage Guidance"

Love this, sums up the fella perfectly

What does your mum say? She seems a great help to you, and your dc. You sound as though you have everything practical under control as well, I can't imagine 6!

He is a terrible role model - are you married? Do you argue much or does he just shout until you back down? So you don't bother anymore and work round him?

The tidying thing is appalling. My dh can be an arse, but he wouldn't expect a tidy house if I was in your situation. And in any case, the Hoover doesn't care what sex you are, it still works.

Have you been to the cba, or looked on a benefits site? You'll be better off financially and mentally, You are already doing it alone. I hazard a guess doing it alone without a big slug asleep upstairs would be easier still.

Can you call your dm and talk about it?

Christ almighty, so Le Slug has taken the day off to 'help' you and has spent it sleeping? When he, err, already gets a full night's sleep while you get up for the baby? And you are the ill one?

Right, what you have here is a godsend, really. It's so far beyond acceptable behaviour in a partner, it's so far beyond being a partner, that I really hope it will get the message across for you.

You're lucky enough to have the house as yours.

You have six wonderful children that you know you can manage alone, or with the other help you already have, because you already do manage that.

Check out tax credits etc, and factor in single person's coucil tax discount. You will see that you will be able to manage financially.

Best of all, you will no longer have to live with the fucking impertinence of this shitbag...taking you for a fool, laughing up his lazy sleeve as you wash, cook, babycare, and work yourself into the ground while he sits pretty, smugly pleased with himself that he's got his little woman right in her place.

Your life would be NICER and EASIER without him.

I'm assuming of course that you despise him. Anything else doesn't really compute.

...oh and I missed the bit where he tells you what you can spend YOUR money on. Yes, YOUR money - the money that comes into the home because YOU make it possible for Snoozing Pete to walk out the door every morning knowing everything else is taken care of. The money that, were you to split, a large - very large!!! - chunk of would be legally finding its way to YOUR purse for YOU to use for the children YOU care for.

I think I'd rather that set up, actually...

I have just woken from my nap baby hardly slept. My face is so swollen i cant open my eyes all the way my top teeth all feel numb but my face is throbbing. I have tears running down my face from the pain ( i think i have a high pain tollerance) All the children are home I need to get them all in bed and sorted. I had to cook for my 2 ds's and feed the baby whilst he sat watching .Apparently he isnt speaking to me because i dared to question him having a sleep. He is a twat !

My mum is 70 with health issues she helps as much as she can. I dont like to put on her

Throw. Him. Out. Of. Your. House.

My mum is 70 with health issues she helps as much as she can. I dont like to put on her

Kick him out. Now.

Oh stressed8132 I feel so sorry for you. Have a long hard think about how much more you are prepared to put up with. You need to get over this dental work before you make any decisions. Be kind to yourself.

I do think that you should very calmly go to him, tell him you're fed up of his treatment of you, that he acted like the biggest twat ever, and that he can pack his bags unless he prepares dinner and puts the children in bed.

In any case, stop doing things for him.

Not sure you should wait for the dental work to be completed. At least you'd have one less child and no screaming at you at home.

Oh OP your post has made me feel so sad. I had a tooth out that went a bit wrong recently and it was. Very. Painful.

You need to get into a routine of paracetamol then two hours later ibuprofen and then repeat paracetamol in another two hours. And if you've got some codeine, take that too ( unless you're allergic or whatever) that was the only way I could cope oh and I was also in bed as pain lessened if I kept still. There's also a risk of bleeding and loosing the clot, leading to dry socket which hurts like Fuck I can tell you
My love you need those painkillers and you need to rest. I have five DC and my DH worked from home for a week to look after me and do the chores etc. I don't know if he hoovered but the DC were fed and watered and had clean clothes and that was good enough!

Sometimes it takes situations like these to bring things to a head. Giving you the silent treatment is showing him in his true colours and they are the colours of a man child. How selfish.

And how wonderful of your mum. For her

Where are you? I'll come round if you're close

OP He is a bully, selfish, lazy and just disgusting.

Kick him out of your house and get on with your life. Anything less than this means you have low self esteem and really need to be considering the example you and him are setting to your kids. Do you want your girls to be doormats and the boys to grow up to be bullies?

Throw. Him. Out. Of. Your. House. x2

Really, this guy is a total prick.

This is not how you treat someone you love.

OP this man is abusing you by-

1. Creating an environment of inequality with regards to housework.
2. Creating an environment of inequality with regards to parenting.
3. Creating an environment of inequality with regards to finances.
4. Bullying you with his nasty words.
5. Attempting to manipulate you into believing that all this is your fault.
6. Constantly putting his needs first and treating you like an unpaid servant.

So to summarise, this man believes that you are inferior to him in every way and treats you accordingly. It doesn't have to be like that. A relationship should feel like a partnership where you can always depend on your partner to support you and love you and respect you.
It should leave you with your self esteem and self respect intact.
I think the only way to regain these things is to make him leave. Your life will be better. He is abusing you.
I'm so sorry OP. You deserve so much better.