Hi,
I have nc'd for both the fear of being recognised and the shame of still being with my emotionally abusive husband. I posted early in the summer after he was verbally very abusive to me in front of the children. I also told the mumsnetters about the other things he had done in our 18 year relationship and the overwhelming advice was to leave this man. Since then he has been absolutely wonderful: kind, attentive and caring. I really thought that he had been reflecting on his past behaviour and realised that it was abusive. However, 2 weeks ago he took the day off work to look after my youngest child while I went to work. When I arrived home I was surprised to see a charity bag sitting on the pavement outside our house - I should have realised! A few days later I checked the back of an almost inaccessible cupboard, and found that a very precious (and large) possession of mine had gone. Over the years photos, ornaments, postcards and even furniture that has been given to me by my family has gone missing. He always denies it, but I actually saw him do it on one occasion. I feel absolutely sick. Ten minutes after making the discovery of the missing object I sat on the bed in absolute shock and he said "Oh, so we're going to have weeks of misery now, we're all going to suffer!".
We have 3 children who think he's absolutely wonderful; they're completely unaware of how he manipulates and emotionally abuses them too.
I did see a solicitor, which made me feel quite empowered for a time. However, I now seem to be sinking back into helplessness and I'm not sure I'll ever muster the strength to leave.