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Original poster

Long Term Crush asked me out, should I say "No"

52 replies

LeMarmotte · 19/11/2013 23:36

Minor problem compared to many on here, so apologies for that.

But I've liked this guy for years. Couldn't understand why he didn't ask me out, as he kept flirting with me and there was chemistry (and he was single). A few hours ago, he asked me out (to go with him to his work Christmas night out, and describing it as a date). But I haven't replied yet, because I'm really pissed off with him (despite how much I like him).

Found out a couple of days ago that he had asked out my friend a few weeks back. And she said no. (she doesn't fancy him as she thinks he is too short and she doesn't like his hobby of salsa dancing).

Now I know I can't expect anything from him as we aren't going out, but it feels like a betrayal of some sort.

Plus, he asked out another of my friends last year (she also turned him down - she said he earns less money than her).

I haven't replied, and I know I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face, but I just feel so put off now.

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 19/11/2013 23:41

If you would like to go to the party with him just go and enjoy yourself.

sarahjaye · 20/11/2013 00:00

Accept and rib him mercilessly about the fact you were third choice and the reasons your friends turned him down?

Seriously! No, forget it. He is not the prize, you are.

Thatsnotmychicken · 20/11/2013 00:05

It's just a date, go and see if you have fun.

ghostonthecanvas · 20/11/2013 00:07

No. You should not say no. You like him. Go. Otherwise you will start a thread saying my secret crush has gone to his Christmas do without me. I am sad I said no.

But only if he didn't ask your friend to the same do. Smile

AnandaTimeIn · 20/11/2013 00:24

Go out with him - just cos there might be some other nice fellas there ;-)

Asking your friends out before you? Nah.

unless you are desperate

Roseflowers · 20/11/2013 00:30

You're annoyed with him because you feel like you're third choice right?Which is a perfectly reasonable thing to be annoyed about because I'm guessing he would be your first choice and you want him to feel the same level of interest in you as you do him (also perfectly reasonable). I say go out with him, and see if he makes you feel brilliant and wanted and like you're the girl he wants to date. If not, then just sack him off :)

justanuthermanicmumsday · 20/11/2013 00:44

Never dated but based on morals I'd say no. You were never his first choice he got rejected so now he's calling on you. I think he will be a big disappointment in the end, crush his hopes and get rid of that unhealthy crush of yours. Have better standards you're better than him and can get someone who sees you as their first not third choice!

TheDoctrineOfWho · 20/11/2013 00:46

Go on the date.

If you don't like it, f

TheDoctrineOfWho · 20/11/2013 00:47

...don't go on a second date!

MummyBeerest · 20/11/2013 00:52

I'd go. He's not asking marriage, just a date for a Xmas party. He may have had stupid reasons for not asking you before.

You may go and both have a great time. Or it may be awful and you'll wonder what you ever saw in him.

Either is better than wondering "what if."

Original poster
LeMarmotte · 20/11/2013 00:54

That's just it Justanother its the morals. He's only asking me because the others said no. I've liked him for a long time and I thought we were quite close, and its insulting. And my friends too! They're not my closest friends, and the most recent only told me about it, not because she knew I liked him as well, but because we were just talking about how difficult it is to find a nice boyfriend.

I turned down two of his friends too, because they were his friends, and it just didn't seem right.

I haven't replied to his text - yes it was just a text. And I don't feel like replying. He's actually not bothered replying to a few friendly texts I've sent, so its obviously the done thing as far as he is concerned.

The things is, its put me off him.

OP posts:
FluffyJumper · 20/11/2013 01:00

Hmmm, my first boyfriend was someone I has lusted after from afar for ages, knew him very slightly. The night we really got talking I was thrilled when he came and sat down next to me. I found out months later that he only sat with me cos he fancied a couple of my friends I was with, two of which at that point he would have fancied more than me.

However pretty quickly I felt like 'first choice'.

If I were you I would go, but if you don't get a good feeling on the date don't see him again.

FluffyJumper · 20/11/2013 01:08

...and both of my friends would have turned him down! Grin

lostInForrest · 20/11/2013 01:38

Lemarmotte
Did you consider different answers
Like for example that he never ask you because he was not really sure about your answer and was
just maybe to scared to ask you

Maybe again just maybe

He asked others because it was just a bit easier option in case they would say no

Another possibility
Perhaps he thought he could be not good enough
But that just ideas
Well good luck anyway whatever you would decide

steff13 · 20/11/2013 04:04

I say go. If the date sucks, you know. At least you might get some good food and salsa dancing. ;)

claraschu · 20/11/2013 04:10

Go and see if you actually like him.

Your friends have dumb reasons for turning him down "Don't fancy him", or "Don't feel like it" are fine reasons, but 'not earning as much as her'?
WTF?

peasandlove · 20/11/2013 04:15

You'll always wonder what if if you don't go.

devorahyanez · 20/11/2013 05:19

Just getting to know each other. "GO" that makes you happy I bet :)

Vivacia · 20/11/2013 06:21

What's with this "moral" business? What do feel has been, or would be, immoral?? Sounds more like pride or, as you say, the principle (cutting off your nose to spite your face).

Treat it as a casual date to a party which might be fun, don't treat it as a grand gesture where he's confirming that he's as in love with you as you are with him.

(Also, I think he had a lucky escape where your friends are involved).

Lazyjaney · 20/11/2013 07:01

Alls fair in lurve and war. If you don't go you'll never know what could have happened.

But teasing him is de rigeur.

overmydeadbody · 20/11/2013 07:04

Agree with Vivicia.

Morals don't come into it. He did nothing immoral.

There could be loads of reasons he hasn't asked you out until now.

It is only one date. You might as well go an see if he is worth having a crush on.

Vivacia · 20/11/2013 07:11

Yep, and make sure you're checking out his credentials rather than finally catching his approval. Don't let pride get in the way.

liquidstate · 20/11/2013 10:33

If it helps I met my DH speed dating. the ticks etc were all done online so I could see that he had logged on and chosen my friend not me Hmm.

He logged on again the next day and ticked me so alls well that ends well. He says he can't remember why he did it. I think he had first choice girls and second choice girls and not having much luck with the first choice ones moved on to the next lot. I forgave him but still tease him about it 6 years later. Grin

worsestershiresauce · 20/11/2013 13:16

Just go! You're really over thinking this. You'll either have fun, or you won't, but either way it'll be better than brooding over it.

normalishdude · 20/11/2013 13:25

Go. See if it's a laugh. See if you get on. If you don't, then knock it on the head after.

BTW, LOL @ the reasons for your friends not going out with him.

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