The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Stepping Into Christmas With Sobriety On Their Minds.

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

This is a thread for those who are worried about their drinking habits, relationships with alcohol, and/or drugs.

Even if you think your intake has gone up more today than the last or this week than last, come and join us on Gerald, the amazing, always room for more, fully stocked with glorious treats and donned in his Christmas Decorations, Bus!

We are a supportive thread, full of very different posters, from various backgrounds. Some of us drink in moderation, allowing ourselves the odd glass or two as a treat, or just because we're in control of our drinking for that day.

One Day At A Time.

We have those who abstain completely, and those who wake every day to Day 1 and hope with all of their hearts that they can, and will, make it to Day 2.

If you've followed our journey to date, you'll know who most of us are by now smile and we kind of have two 'sayings', that sum up who we are -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

That said, we will not have any bashing of support groups, such as AA or Community Addiction Support Teams, or even other support threads, posts like that will be reported if the need arises, so 'Orange Paper supporters' don't waste your time please :)

This Bus is a place for honesty, sanctuary and safety, something that has taken almost four years for a number of very special, very lovely, very honest and caring Babes to establish.

So, come find a seat, grab something warm from the supply cupboard at the back of the Bus, it's filled with (non alcoholic or narcotic) delicious, luxury treats and HUGE fluffy quilts, plus anything else you might need to help YOU get through YOUR day a minute, or an hour at a time.

And, if you'd like to see where this all began - This Is The Reason We're All Here, The Original JWN Thread

And This Is Our Previous Thread, With Links To Those Over The Past Few Years

We hope to meet you soon :) x

No way indeed ma xx

Morning all you lovely Babes

I've fallen off the bus, missed the sidecar and I'm in the gutter. Like a complete prat I went out, got hammered and lost my fricking phone FFS. I am so angry with myself, knocking back vodka shots having a lovely time (well it felt like that ) only to get home without my phone. Another life lesson - back up your phone and of course I HADN'T it had old videos on with my X and DD's, all of my numbers for work and friends, and to top it all DD1's school had left me a VM which I hadn't listened to as battery was flat and now I will never know who it was that called and what they said. Urgh

Ok rant over

Hi Guggen not watched lotr so can't comment if anyone is sha-wing

Beaches did I hear you mention snow my dog goes mad in the snow she loves it I think I'm using the house situation as an excuse to drink

I'm lovely just stay with us on the bus Babe stick with us babe. It takes time to build ones self up again Be gentle on yourself and take one day at a time

Hope Hi Babe hope you have a good weekend

Ma your post made me LOL, sounds like you've got a really nice boss how has your DS's bus travel been this week?

Soc I'm really looking forward to the 'not hating myself in the morning' feeling. Today I just feel angry with myself. Behaving like a complete dick age 46

Busy weekend here DD2's got a birthday party to go to 2day and another one 2moro need to buy DCs presents. In fact I seriously need to get my shit together.

Hello to everyone, Rural (are you still in the dressing up box?) Why I hope you're having a lovely bonding time with your DS, it must be an amazing time for you Mouse I'm sorry that your family are all still sick. I wish you all better very soon x

Sorry this turned out to be loooooong

Thanks xxx
I feel lost again drinking daily on tablets that iv ran out of, I'm so tired and low to gather any strength to stop drinking again feel free to mow him down making sure you run over his manly parts legs and break them both , I don't even mean that ;( still dont hate him would be eser if I did.
How do I get out this cycle? I'm board/flat no excitement when I don't drink for a while so then I drink so then I go to him and it goes online that
I just need to get that off my chest I feel better for that

My phone was in the back of my friends car - relief Wake up calls all round for me today. I've got the shakes, feel shite and all self inflicted - not good Day 1 for me . I will not be drinking today.

I'm drink is a cycle and not a good one. keep posting. it's good to talk it through and realise how your feeling

Hi everyone. Like you spanna I'm also starting day 1 today. I had been really good for 2 weeks but this last week I have managed to go through 3 bottles of wine. Last night I felt so worn out from looking after my toddler, being bored from no real adult interaction (my friends have been ill, too busy etc to meet up) and have been having difficulties with my toxic mum which has been causing me a lot of stress. I thought that I would "treat" myself to a nice glass of wine to unwind. Unfortunately I drank the whole bottle. Don't know why I thought I would be capable of just one glass given my reputation. Today I feel hungover and annoyed at myself that I have done this again. I also managed to quit smoking - got to almost 2 weeks, got through the difficult first few days and first week - only to flush it all down the toilet by lighting up on Thursday. Again feel really disappointed with myself. Am not going to give up giving up though. Today is another day and all that. Its just so frustrating that I keep sliding back down to square one after managing to do quite well. I know I drink/smoke to ease the emotional pain in my life (self medicating). When I stop, all the negative emotions that I am trying to bury or numb come to the surface in all their rawness and after a while it becomes quite overwhelming and I feel like I can't cope anymore. That's when I reach for the wine and the fags.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

I'm - has something set you off my lovely? Something made you feel worthess and sad again? I wish I had a magic wand, you are loved here you know? We all care about you and what happens to you. xxx

Hello Dancer

Sounds like you have had a shitty few days and are now beating yourself up for it? Don't. I find that giving myself a hard time over what I've done in the past, makes my 'FUCK IT' button shine brighter and bleep louder at me....... then I end up going OTT and stating in my head, that 'I'll start again on Monday (esp if it's a weekend) and that it's all just a learning curve, right?

It sounds as though your relationship with you mum is your trigger, and one that has been long standing? I can relate to that, I had a 'difficult' relationship with her at times....

The fact that you're trying to quit smoking AND drinking together is very commendable, not something that I could do so well done you for even attempting to do two of the hardest things BUT, you're putting yourself under a heck of alot of presure.

Have you thought about not drinking for now and worry about the smoking later? Or do the two go hand in hand?

You sound so fed up.... you're tyring to give up two of the most addictive substances! If you had the choice, which would you give up first?

Hello everyone else, I'm sorry I've not been around much but I will try to be from now on, I need a distraction and support through this time of year so I reckon we all snuggle up in Gerald and eat mince pies drink hot chocolates and try to avoid the office parties?

mouse

I'm not moving I'm stating here where is safe and warm

I don't feel like a person mouse he is in control of it all here my life me i feel I'm dead inside.
I don't feel strong any more
Things arnt good.

Thanks lovely spanna it means loads the hand hold thing

Got SW coming Monday I managed to hide drink from her just on her surprise visit on wed
Feel everyone knows I'm not coaping being Marac on Thursday

*its going to Marac on Thursday

Sorry I'm not offering much support ATM xx

I'm - what does 'Marac' mean sweetie?

What has the SW said to you so far? PM me if you'd rather keep things off the board but a bit of an update would help me to help you IYSWIM?

And you aren't expected to support anyone but YOURSELF right now, this is your time to ask us for help, support, or just to listenv to you for a short while, a few hours, anything you need from this Bus, just say xxx

Evening babes

hi there mouse good to hear from you always. x

spanna- I was going to say that perhaps your phone will turn up again,so i'm glad it has. Hope you feel a little better now.

dancer 2 weeks is good. I didn't make 2 weeks for a very,very long time after I decided to quit/control/cut down. You don't go back to square one at all or you wouldn't be here posting away. Once the headache has worn off you will be able to think about what you want to do next. Don't worry too much or it can feed into a "i feel sooo bad that I might as well have another drink".

I'm good to see you here,keep posting we want to know how you are doing,even if you feel down or drunk or sad. No judging on this bus!
Please try to get under a warm blanket and put some crap on tv. I promise you that your body and mind need a big rest much more than you need booze. It took me decades to work that one out though! I guess that you are in the place where you could just curl up and go to sleep for about a week? Let yourself rest if you can.

Eek. Fire in the hold....house full of firemen. Not the fantasy I thought it would be!
Faulty socket....now waiting for electrician.
Scary.
Please babes. Get up NOW and check your smoke alarms! Do it!!!

oooh! Are you ok ma?

Yes, all fine but a bit shaken up imagining if it had happened when we were out or asleep...
Smoke alarm battery was dead
Got deserved bollocking from firemen who fitted two more.

Ma glad you're all ok x

Ma - Shit, that must have scared you so much. I'm so glad you're all okay!

We have 5 smoke alarms, and a heat detector in the kitchen, I'm scared to death of fire. I really am. I used to get up and unplug things when I lived at home.

Massive hugs to you xxxxx

The fire service here come and do free risk assessments on house here, and fit free alarms. I'm glad that you have working alarms now.

Was there much damage? xxx

Hi all
On my knees again. Been drinking constantly and functioning. Not sure how much longer this can go on.
So many problems at the moment.
I don't deserve to be a mother. I am rubbish.
Honestly never ever felt worse.

I read here on a nearly daily basis and I know it is not a contest but I truly feel I am worse than anyone:((
In some ways it would be easier just to step off :(

Bugger me, you need to stop hating yourself sweetie......

This thread/Bus is for you as much as anyone else.

Stay. Be a part of the Bus and heal with our support and try to figure out what it is that you want... x

Mouse! Thanks:) kindness of strangers eh.. Someone who can spare a min to help. You will never know how much it means to me to have a response ...
It's just all got on to

Top of me :( by that I mean my life. I used to be a cop er and to look at me you might not guess my turmoil .. Or I could be wishfully thinking.
I just carry on. Always. Never mind that I am planning to leave partner... Long long story that I cannot do justice to.
I have to leave but I am scared.. I mean shit scared. But I am going and it will get easier i pray...
I'm such a strong person when it comes to just carrying on. Yet so so weak and pathetic in my drinking..'

I can hear a plane outside. I wish I was on it with my dd1. I wish we were starting again . I wish I could erase bad memories and start afresh. Lot s of wishes

Top of me :( by that I mean my life. I used to be a cop er and to look at me you might not guess my turmoil .. Or I could be wishfully thinking.
I just carry on. Always. Never mind that I am planning to leave partner... Long long story that I cannot do justice to.
I have to leave but I am scared.. I mean shit scared. But I am going and it will get easier i pray...
I'm such a strong person when it comes to just carrying on. Yet so so weak and pathetic in my drinking..'

BuggerMe - I was in a very violent, abusive and cruel relationship, I ended up in a women's hostel with security at every door, bars on the windows, in a room, a tiny room, just for me and DD.

I was scared but he'd hit me one last time. One last rape, one last cheat, one last lie too many and I ran, I grabbed her, two bags of clothes, no toys, nothing and I ran..... Shelter helped me, as did Women's Aid.

Do what your heart tells you and be that mum, be strong and get out.

If you have to wait til he sleeps, then so be it, but make sure you have somewhere completely safe. You are a police officer so you know how this works!

Come on girl, get your shit together and do it.

He can't touch you in a refuge. Call, make the call. Find help, solace and help.

PM me if you want to but where are you on the UK? Assuming you are? xxx

I'm how are you now?