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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Stepping Into Christmas With Sobriety On Their Minds.

999 replies

Mouseface · 16/11/2013 13:41

Hello, tis me, Mouse Smile

This is a thread for those who are worried about their drinking habits, relationships with alcohol, and/or drugs.

Even if you think your intake has gone up more today than the last or this week than last, come and join us on Gerald, the amazing, always room for more, fully stocked with glorious treats and donned in his Christmas Decorations, Bus!

We are a supportive thread, full of very different posters, from various backgrounds. Some of us drink in moderation, allowing ourselves the odd glass or two as a treat, or just because we're in control of our drinking for that day.

One Day At A Time.

We have those who abstain completely, and those who wake every day to Day 1 and hope with all of their hearts that they can, and will, make it to Day 2.

If you've followed our journey to date, you'll know who most of us are by now smile and we kind of have two 'sayings', that sum up who we are -

    • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
    • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

That said, we will not have any bashing of support groups, such as AA or Community Addiction Support Teams, or even other support threads, posts like that will be reported if the need arises, so 'Orange Paper supporters' don't waste your time please :)

This Bus is a place for honesty, sanctuary and safety, something that has taken almost four years for a number of very special, very lovely, very honest and caring Babes to establish.

So, come find a seat, grab something warm from the supply cupboard at the back of the Bus, it's filled with (non alcoholic or narcotic) delicious, luxury treats and HUGE fluffy quilts, plus anything else you might need to help YOU get through YOUR day a minute, or an hour at a time.

And, if you'd like to see where this all began - This Is The Reason We're All Here, The Original JWN Thread

And This Is Our Previous Thread, With Links To Those Over The Past Few Years

We hope to meet you soon :) x

OP posts:
SocFish · 29/11/2013 06:08

oh dear I'm...wish I could do something.

spanna41 · 29/11/2013 06:57

I'm please phone Womens Aid. Mouse put the phone number in one of her last post. They will be able to help you. Please pick up the phone and do it xx

Soc hi babe - I'm feeling like utter shit this morning all self inflicted by that WW. When I get stressed I turn to drink. I've sold my house but haven't found anywhere for us to go yet Hmm not a nice feeling Sad

Anyway ladies here I am feeling like shite and on Day 1 again Smile

Beaches thanks for the snow update Grin hope you're ok Babe x

Imdoingthis · 29/11/2013 06:59

I don't think no one can help me iv reported to police what can anyone do to help me I'm stuck

spanna41 · 29/11/2013 07:02

0808 2000 247 I'm babe this is their number - please just call them. They are there to help women in exactly your situation. they are not concerned about the police doing nothing they are there to protect you and your family.
Please babe just do it for your children and you

guggenheim · 29/11/2013 07:44

I'm Sorry to hear that he has got bail.Please call WA as soon as you can.

I know it hasn't fallen out the right way,yet,but you have done the right thing. The police have a record,they aren't stupid,they will have been able to gather some evidence on this sorry excuse for a human being.

Can you get out for the day? Stay in public places? Can you afford a holiday inn for a couple of nights? Call the headteacher of your school,she needs to know and will contact ss for you. Also she will believe you and want to protect your children.

It's all evidence and will build into a picture against him.

Am I also allowed to wish for his willy to shrivel and drop off?

lookingforhope · 29/11/2013 08:28

Just looking in before work, sending love to mouse and I'm.

I'm please ring WA. I am so sorry the bastard got out, do tell the police you are afraid for your safety and they need to be aware. Feel so helpless.

Mouse - no words. I have been through this and I know the pain. I lost my mum 8 years ago to a sudden cancer, and I had lost dad 5 years prior to that. Unlike you dh was not very supportive - probably cos I was a mess, losing mum is what made me move from a party drinker (albeit a very heavy party drinker) to a sneaky hopeless dependent drinker, and I really messed up a couple of years there which I cannot get back. You are being brave and strong, and I admire you so much getting through this sober. It takes time to come to terms with losing your mum, I so well understand the shock and surreal feeling that the world is going on without her, when it should just stop. But over time you will take comfort from how you live on in her - that is the legacy she will have left you.

We are all here supporting you both - just wish we could really pick you up on the bus and look after you. Take care both, and to all the other babes out there too, got to go to the forced labour camp work now but my thoughts are with all babes who are struggling today

guggenheim · 29/11/2013 08:59

mouse will be thinking of you today x

I'm do contact your headteacher as well as WA. My old head dropped everything one morning when a ta came in with a black eye,he got her and her family safely to a WA. Headteacher's can often open doors,also they didn't become HT to do sodding paperwork- go in to school and ask for help. The least you will get is a cup of tea and some sympathy.

aliasjoey · 29/11/2013 09:16

I'm some great advice from everyone on here, is part of the stress that you think the police aren't taking it seriously or don't believe you? I'm sure they do believe you, and are slowly building a case. Keep reporting, and the evidence will add up.

babyjane1 · 29/11/2013 10:04

im I'm thinking of you and mouse your in my thoughts and my prayers today xxx love to all you very special babes out there xxxxx

whydidthishappen · 29/11/2013 10:07

I'm please don't let fear or lack of police support leave you stunned into stalling. For the sake of your children, and yourself honey, phone WA. No matter how steep the hill you have to climb is, once you become a mother - you just have to do it. And you can do it. And you will do it.

When the greatest pain and the greatest challenges in life come at us at the same time, you have to find the strength inside you to meet any obstacle.

I'll be thinking of you today.

And of you Mouse.

And of all the Brave Babes doing their best.

Mouseface · 29/11/2013 10:29

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Not the funeral today, we're going to Manchester for a hospital appt for Nemo and calling in to see Dad on the way home. I've not seen him since this time last week when I was packing a bag to stay with him, thinking that I'd be there for a week or so to help him with Mum.......

I was with him for 36 hours.... mum even less Sad

So it's memories and being in the house again that will hurt.

Nemo said this morning "Where are we going today Mamam? I the hospital and then to see Grandad at his Grandad's house?"

I said "Yes, we're going to Grandma and Grandad's house to see Grandad"

He replied - "But Grandma has died Mamam, remember?" and then he kissed me and said he loved me. Sad Sad Sad

I love him so much. He is so, so, so sweet, innocent and has no real idea of what death is, but 'knows' that something is different.

Sorry not to NC and read back but I will later.

I hope you're safe today I'm - you are in my thoughts so much xxx

OP posts:
Anneisnotmyname · 29/11/2013 11:17

mouse and im my heart goes out to you both xx

beachestoexplore · 29/11/2013 14:21

Oh Im I am so sorry to hear he has got bail, are the police still looking out for you? Has he been warned to stay away or anything? I hope you are safe babe x

Dear little nemo, he sounds such a sweet soul. Hope you visit to Grandad goes ok today Mouse

Just for you Spanna. We have had an unexpected heavy snowfall Grin. Looks like a Christmas card outside.

I feel that tonight is going to be a tough battle, mainly because it is Friday and I really fancy a drink (been having whispers for days). Hanging on to the November thing, just 2 more nights and I will have made the month. (I will need a new mantra come dec 1).

Stay strong babes.

Anneisnotmyname · 29/11/2013 17:11

Don't give in beaches, not when you are so close to the 'end'. I got to day 18, just had two more weeks to finish dry November and had a drink. It was ok in the sense that I didn't get drunk, and have managed af days since , but it did not give me anything. I think that having let the ww back in my consumption is going up :(

Rubbish day today, have been ill, dds fighting, suspicious of h, my boing has definitely deserted me - already had half a glass of red. Stupid really as I can't even say I get any sort of numbing effect from that amount....

babyjane1 · 29/11/2013 17:11

Hi babes, I have come to the conclusion that I'm the only person in the world who hates the weekend!! I'm ok without wine during the week cos I have structure in each day but this time on a Friday, I feel the weekend looming and can almost feel tomorrow's hangover and regret coming on already!!! No wine yet and determined to keep it that way, send me strength my friends xxx

Fairenuff · 29/11/2013 17:23

Never mind baby, it'll soon be Monday Grin

spanna41 · 29/11/2013 18:04

Beaches only 2 more days babe and then you'll have done a whole month Grin just think how pleased and proud you'll be of yourself. you've done this for you x Snow (lovely) it's so calming the silence of snow Smile

Mouse I hope Nemo's appointment went well today and your visit to your dad's.

Baby hang in there, find loads to do over the weekend - you're doing really well, get busy Grin

I'm how are you?

Rural how's it going?

Hope lovely post

Have a good Friday all you lovely Babes

FantaIsFine · 29/11/2013 19:20

Hi ladies,

Checking in. I've lurked, but not posted this week. Feeling super chuffed that after months of being 2 bottles a day, realistically and with no breaks, I have had 1/2 glass of champagne since last Friday and that has been IT (and was on Saturday). Soc seriously, thank you for what you said. It doesn't seem only 8 days ago.

All my regular bar staff at different pubs a bit surprised but happily serving pints of green tea as they should given the amounts of money I've spent with them in the past

Im hope you're okay.

Baby I know exactly what you mean about the weekend. I've got a party tomorrow which would normally be an excuse to get boxed and it's with boozy buddies, I intend not to touch a thing though. Fingers crossed. Looking how did you get on last night at your drinks?

Dancer if you're off cigs too I'm in awe.

Happy Friday

FIF

Imdoingthis · 29/11/2013 19:28

Thank you so so much for all your advice it really is a huge help
Police came out today from dv unit, gave me her number a personal panic alarm and I got my house panic alarm in today, wa are going to be in touch they said.

beaches you are a big inspiration to me if I can do that one day Smile ill be a superstar babe like you, a month nearly I think that's great I really do x

baby I really understand this I like the structure of the midweek
madness routine

mouse Im hoping your as well as you could be lovely we will talk over pm in your own time x

How's things for you spanna ??

why I love reading your post I really get what you say your wise and sensible and sure your right theres a tendency to go along and except what the police say.

spanna41 · 29/11/2013 19:46

I'm really glad panic alarms are in place Smile

All ok here in Spanna world, still nowhere lined up to live but at least I've sold (fingers crossed) where we live, which I really can't afford to maintain Sad because really don't want to have to move (but needs must and all that....) Various friends out and about tonight, I'm firmly stuck indoors with DDs (DD1 at her 'control tower' and DD2 watching TV) I've had 2 thimbles full of wine (left over from last night) I know that it's gone and just about to make sweet tea Smile

Sorry I'm but you did ask Grin

FIF glad you've 'unlurked' you are doing amazingly well - half a glass 8 days ago please pat yourself on the back Grin

Sweet tea calls x

ruralreynard · 29/11/2013 20:06

Lovely posts here today. Thinking of you all xx
Fess up time I am having a f*ck it Friday.
Really Angry with myself but too late the damage is done.
So early night for me babes and hoping that tomorrow I am ready for a sober Saturday. Off to polish off the last glass in the bottle before bed. A/F free house tomorrow. I have never managed to tip wine down the sink. Country bumpkin tight as a ducks rear end mentality Sad

FantaIsFine · 29/11/2013 20:10

Thanks Spanna and caveat to my earlier post which I thought of as was driving - DRIVING at 8pm on a Friday!!! - back from the supermarket, thanks indeed to Soc but thanks to everyone. It helps so much to share and know there are others in the same boat.

Early days for me, hey, compared to many here, but it's made such a difference this time round of trying so far at least and long may it continue...

beachestoexplore · 29/11/2013 20:28

Anne, Spanna, Im thank so much for the encouragement! You have given me the push I needed to keep going. I can do it. I will get to the end of this bloody month. Smile

Im you already are a superstar babe, no doubt about it. Grin X hope the alarms are giving you some peace of mind for now.

spanna picturing your dd in an aircraft control tower of sorts Shock Is that how she keeps you all inline?

anne sorry to hear you are having a rubbish day, some days just are. You did 18 days, that is pretty bloody amazing, a few months ago that would have seemed so out of reach. (For me definitely) Take care and I hope tomorrow is a brighter day x

fanta wow! What a change, huge well done!

Grin waste not want not..... That was for you rural

Lots of love to all

Imdoingthis · 29/11/2013 20:44

beaches I have every bit of confidence in you that you can indeed do this you are an amazingly strong babe.

rural hello lovely well I wanted to send a hug really from me tonight

Yeah fanta stay with us honey it's all good x

spanna41 · 29/11/2013 20:50

Grin Beaches DD1 resembles air traffic control, sat in front of her computer, headphones on with microphone across her face, chatting to her mates on Skype whilst playing minecraft and messaging on school Ipad, all these gadgets (never had any of this when I was her age Smile