No sex please. Well, actually...

[PaulMcGannsMistress]

I wouldn't mind some. But it's been years. The kids are often awake, true, but all my advances are usually rebuffed. He talks about sex a lot, in that he gets his cock out in the kitchen and wangles it about as a joke, but when it comes down to it, there's not a sniff of any action and I'm at my wits end in terms of knowing what to do about it.

It could be ED, but he won't talk about it. I've seen him with an erection in the morning, don't know much about ED though.

It's not the vasectomy - that was 6 years ago now.

I think you really just need to have a very frank conversation with him.

He needs to see that this is not on. Has nothing to do with religion - unless it's a weird guilt thing any yet there is strangely no guilt to waving his cock around. Hmm... someone inappropriately waved one to him in the past perhaps? Something already experienced may seem less strange, learned behavior? There could be more to his issues than meets the eye.

Ed is most likey hugely embarrasing for most men. I wonder whether you both know that viagra is now available in the uk without visiting a doctor. You just fill in an online form. Just google something like viagra online uk

I don't want to come across as a bitch about this - I married the man and I do care about him. I'll try and be gentle about bringing ED up and see what happens.

Three years? You don't sound like a bitch you sound incredibly...patient.

Sorry, he sounds awful- not neccassarily the withholding of sex but for failing to tell you why and for saying it doesn't matter.

Actually, it does.

Managed to pin him down a bit this evening for five minutes without him taking the piss. Explained how it was making me feel and for the first time I feel like he heard me. We shall have to wait and see.

I don't have any good advice unfortunately, just wanted to say that you're not alone. I think the longer you leave it the scarier it gets. Could he be scared? Or worried it will be awkward as has been so long?

Speak to him about it again in a few days time, ask him if he's had a think about what you said and does he think the situation will change.

I'm glad you managed to explain yourself clearly. Let's hope he is able to do the same...

Does he overeat, theres research to suggest that some people replace the satisfaction of food and overeating from engaging in intimacy with someone else, does he have any unresolved issues?

Does he overeat, theres research to suggest that some people replace the satisfaction of food and overeating from engaging in intimacy with someone else, does he have any unresolved issues?

Sounds a bit like my STBXH, who was partial to a bit of willy wangling at times he could be sure he wouldn't be expected to actually do anything with it.

He's now receiving therapy for a lot of different issues but his fear of intimacy is one. He and his counsellor have apparently discussed why he treated me more like a brother and tried to make me laugh with locker room banter rather than acting like a loving husband.

He avoided sex with me for a very long time due to a masturbation compulsion he says.

It's all very self indulgent but any chance some of it rings any bells? We used to have a good sex life and I would never have guessed he had intimacy issues.

Does he struggle to see sex as having a point, if there's no chance of a child? I know some women can feel like this, obviously men can too? Not that sex is about procreation full stop, but ending that aspect of it could have drained some of that fertile/moist/germinating vibe?

When did you lose your faith? Have you talked about it together? Does he go to church on his own, and how does he feel about that - does he feel abandoned in his faith?

This all sounds quite confrontational to you - sorry. I am just trying to throw out ideas that might spark thought.

Maybe he knows you are Paul McGann's Mistress

If he has an erection in the morning it is not physiological ED. Doesn't rule out psychological ED though.

It's not over eating. It could be intimacy issues for sure.

He's not got a problem with the not having kids anymore thing - I think he's relieved. As I would be if it actually ever led anywhere. The faith thing is a bit messier, but I don't really do anything different in terms of going to church with the family and suchlike. We never really prayed together or owt like that.

He hasn't found out I'm Paul McGann's Mistress, I keep that very quiet

/emo/te/2.gif Good luck with the conversations.

Extreme religious observance can be connected to covering up homosexuality, or other major issues. Could this be an issue?

Good lord, I don't know. He could be gay I suppose, but he's exceedingly closeted if he is.

Now you have talked once, so he knows that the topic is on the table, you need to have another chat. It's tough but choose a time when he won't have any excuses to escape!

could he be jealous of Paul McGann?

Sorry to be so explicit but if he takes it out again in the kitchen or wherever, and you know you both have 20 minutes or so to spare, take him in your hand, fondle it for a bit, and say some sexy things as you masturbate him to a happy ending right there and then.
If you can make him hard and bring him to orgasm you'll then know for sure he can get an erection ok and that everything's in working order!
So you'll know whether he has ED problems or not. If this works the next puzzle will be why on earth doesn't he want to have sex and put it inside you!

Meant to add - if he stops you there's something far wrong. No normal man would stop a woman doing that to him!

(Btw. Maybe this idea was suggested already. Sorry if so, didn't check every post.)

He actually kissed me today, proper kissed me. I'm still in shock.