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Relationships

Help please! Flirtation with a guy at work

178 replies

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 07/11/2013 10:39

Ok MNers, I've been considering posting this thread for some weeks now and have finally got frustrated enough to do it. So - tough love needed please.

I really fancy a guy at work. Am 99.9% sure he likes me too. We've worked together for over a year but the flirtation has only been going on for about 10 weeks. We drunkenly kissed at the end of a work evening out - that's what started things.
The next day I did the whole 'oh I was so drunk last night' thing, basically because I'd never thought of him like that before and I was a bit embarrassed. So he got the impression I wasn't interested, I think.

But since then the flirting and chemistry has ramped up to the point that everyone else we work with has noticed and it's become pretty full on and, tbh, embarrassing - I hate feeling I'm being gossiped about.

But - here's the rub - he hasn't asked me out. We've been out for work drinks with colleagues several times since then and nothing has happened. Each time, he spends the whole evening talking just to me, lots of chemistry and eye contact, but we never seem to actually make a move on each other.

The latest time was last night. I am sick of this now. I would rather he left me alone and didn't fancy me than continue like this. It is driving me batty quite frankly.

One further consideration (trying not to drip feed): I recently got a BIG promotion which means I will be leaving his department next month and won't see him from one day to the next. I am wondering whether he's either intimidated by this (I will be in a much higher status role than him, in terms of internal politics, kudos etc), or he's waiting for me to move jobs so that if things go wrong or I turn him down, he won't have to work with me every day.

On the other hand I just keep thinking, keep it simple, stop making excuses for him: if he liked me, he would have done something about it by now. He hasn't, so he's clearly just not that into me.

All my female friends reckon they had to make a move on their partners and I should just bite the bullet and ask him out. I did vaguely say something a couple of weeks ago about 'would he like to go for a drink' when he gets back from holiday (he has been away for the last couple of weeks), and he said yes definitely when he gets back. Yesterday was his first day back, we were in the pub all evening and he didn't mention it at all. Is that a hint that I should just drop the idea?
Aaaargh.

Seriously, tough love needed. Should I try and push it forward, should I tell him to stop flirting because it's making me uncomfortable at work, should I just be zen-like calm and professionalism and write the whole thing off? Or should I be patient and wait and see what happens when I move jobs?

Help please!

PS. Yes we are definitely both single!

OP posts:
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poopinthebin · 10/11/2013 23:25

I bloody love latecomers who don't read the thread. :D

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sebsmummy1 · 11/11/2013 09:58

He he yep, read the whole thread people!!!!

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SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 11/11/2013 10:38

Grin There's always one, isn't there!

No update. Will keep you posted if anything happens (or doesn't happen) when I get back to work.

Thanks for all your encouragement everyone, I truly never thought this thread would get so many replies Shock Smile

OP posts:
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Notmadeofrib · 12/11/2013 17:20

Have you written him off yet?

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Livinginlimbo2 · 12/11/2013 20:57

No, OP is on holiday, she only left the note on Friday as she was leaving work. Only time will tell........

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Notmadeofrib · 13/11/2013 16:55

Thanks living missed that bit... got to get my new love kicks from somewhere Grin

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Haggismcbaggis · 13/11/2013 18:55

Just marking for when the OP returns ...

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WorkAlot · 13/11/2013 23:36

Im kind of in same situation. We flirted on a works night out and told me he likes me and he has a gf. I also have a bf. Ive got very itchy feet its driving me crazy.

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WorkAlot · 13/11/2013 23:41

You only live once so go for it.

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FluffyJumper · 14/11/2013 00:56

So was the postcard picture side up, and the message on the back? You see, if that appeared on my desk I would probably think it was a flyer or something advertising days out at the museum or something, and probably not think 'I bet there's a love note on the back' and turn it over.

However that really doesn't help OP, sorry.

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SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 14/11/2013 08:57

Fluffy - yes it was picture side up. Hmm.
Was back at work yesterday - had morning meetings out of the office so didn't get in til early afternoon. He sauntered over within 10 mins to say hi. No indication whatsoever of anything being amiss. Then did his usual trying-to-catch-my-eye whenever I walked past. I avoided looking at him tbh Blush
Either he is a massive, colossal arsehole who just enjoys the drama and distraction of winding me up, OR he didn't get the postcard. OR he got it but is waiting for some reason. OR it's a misguided attempt at 'being friendly' on his part.
I don't know what to think but I've had enough of wondering, frankly. I'm not a drama-llama normally, honest. And this situation feels a bit too drama-llama for my liking.

OP posts:
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FluffyJumper · 14/11/2013 11:11

He didn't get it, surely?

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Granville72 · 14/11/2013 11:16

He can't have got the note surely? offer to make him a coffee or go for a coffee at lunch time or something and ask him.

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Livinginlimbo2 · 14/11/2013 11:23

So he sauntered over to you in 10 minutes, tried to catch your eye and you avoided him? Why?, he might have wanted to use this opportunity to say something.
Ask yourself this question; from an outsiders perspective, do you think it looks like you are the one playing games?
Next time he tries to catch your eye, look at him and at least smile.

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m0nkeynuts · 14/11/2013 11:31

Livinginlimbo2 I read it as he came over to say hi, then OP avoided eye contact later on whenever she walked past. So they have spoken.

Sounds like he didn't get the postcard, OP. TBH if I was very busy (as you said he was), I'd have assumed it was late [junk] mail that had been put on my desk and would have shoved it out of the way without looking at it!

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ThePieSmuggler · 14/11/2013 11:40

Blatently marking my place, waiting for the update that reveals he's only just found it, gets all excited and comes over to ask the OP out Grin

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Livinginlimbo2 · 14/11/2013 12:17

Just ask him to join you for lunch. Your moving departments and you'd like to have a chat etc. He's probably not seen the card.
What have you got to lose eh?

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BitOutOfPractice · 14/11/2013 12:59

Ask him if he got your card!!!

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Livinginlimbo2 · 14/11/2013 13:05

Listen, he may or may not turn out to be a total prick, but in my experience I've noticed that men ( and women) act like complete knobs when they have a crush on someone. One of you has got to make a move or there's going to be a very uncomfortable atmosphere at work. Burst this bubble and see what happens.

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tablefor4 · 14/11/2013 13:05

Asaagghhhh...

New to thread.

Please ask him if he got your postcard!

ps Flowers for doing it in the first place whatever the outcome and Wine (cos there's no MN [champagne]) for your promotion!

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sebsmummy1 · 14/11/2013 13:14

Omg he can't have got it can he!!! There is no way in hell someone would continue to act totally normally if they had chosen to ignore a love note. They'd be acting kind of weird, I'm sure of it.

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BigArea · 14/11/2013 13:22

Shameless place marking because I too am convinced he didn't see your message...

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skyeskyeskye · 14/11/2013 13:33

place marking too because I want to know the outcome!

Well done for doing that. Maybe the next time you see him, you can just ask him if he is interested or not?

Around 12 years ago, I had a man that flirted terribly with me, a bit younger than me, but made it clear he was interested. In the end I asked him outright if he was interested or not I was very drunk at the time and he said, look, I really like you, but you are too old for me! It upset me, but at least I knew and we have stayed friendly since but without the flirting....

Fingers crossed for you that he didn't see the message or some such explanation....

At least if it gets a bit awkward, you won't be working with him any more.

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GlaikitFizzog · 14/11/2013 16:42

I know its not very romantic but could you send him an email? All this faffing with postcards as whimsical and locely as it is there will always be the "did he get it" question. and email is less personal but you can be damned sure he will have seen it.

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GlaikitFizzog · 14/11/2013 16:45

lizzie I got crow road and the wasp factor dor my kidle last week for 99p each.

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