Ok MNers, I've been considering posting this thread for some weeks now and have finally got frustrated enough to do it. So - tough love needed please.
I really fancy a guy at work. Am 99.9% sure he likes me too. We've worked together for over a year but the flirtation has only been going on for about 10 weeks. We drunkenly kissed at the end of a work evening out - that's what started things.
The next day I did the whole 'oh I was so drunk last night' thing, basically because I'd never thought of him like that before and I was a bit embarrassed. So he got the impression I wasn't interested, I think.
But since then the flirting and chemistry has ramped up to the point that everyone else we work with has noticed and it's become pretty full on and, tbh, embarrassing - I hate feeling I'm being gossiped about.
But - here's the rub - he hasn't asked me out. We've been out for work drinks with colleagues several times since then and nothing has happened. Each time, he spends the whole evening talking just to me, lots of chemistry and eye contact, but we never seem to actually make a move on each other.
The latest time was last night. I am sick of this now. I would rather he left me alone and didn't fancy me than continue like this. It is driving me batty quite frankly.
One further consideration (trying not to drip feed): I recently got a BIG promotion which means I will be leaving his department next month and won't see him from one day to the next. I am wondering whether he's either intimidated by this (I will be in a much higher status role than him, in terms of internal politics, kudos etc), or he's waiting for me to move jobs so that if things go wrong or I turn him down, he won't have to work with me every day.
On the other hand I just keep thinking, keep it simple, stop making excuses for him: if he liked me, he would have done something about it by now. He hasn't, so he's clearly just not that into me.
All my female friends reckon they had to make a move on their partners and I should just bite the bullet and ask him out. I did vaguely say something a couple of weeks ago about 'would he like to go for a drink' when he gets back from holiday (he has been away for the last couple of weeks), and he said yes definitely when he gets back. Yesterday was his first day back, we were in the pub all evening and he didn't mention it at all. Is that a hint that I should just drop the idea?
Aaaargh.
Seriously, tough love needed. Should I try and push it forward, should I tell him to stop flirting because it's making me uncomfortable at work, should I just be zen-like calm and professionalism and write the whole thing off? Or should I be patient and wait and see what happens when I move jobs?
Help please!
PS. Yes we are definitely both single!
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Relationships
Help please! Flirtation with a guy at work
SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 07/11/2013 10:39
Thanks 
- I don't want to still be hoping so am going to write it off. But will see how things go in the longer term - maybe I'll be less shit at asking him out next year 
If anything happens I PROMISE I will come and update the thread!
Just to update the thread (thanks for your thoughts Livinginlimbo ) -
He turned up to my leaving-the-old-job drinks. Stayed all evening. Happened to be leaving at the same time (other people around too but either just before or after). I looked at him, he looked at me, I leaned a little ....
And he said in a fairly brutal fashion that he didn't like me, had never liked me, had said so when we kissed before (an incident in which HE kissed ME let us be clear - and no he had said no such thing) and just generally it was horrible and I was in shock. I kept saying 'but why all the flirting, the attention, the ... (Etc)' to which he had no answer.
And after just a minute or so THANK YOU JESUS a good female friend emerged from the pub with some other people and I turned away from his gaping unable-to-answer cowardly face and walked off with her with dignity.
(And then cried on the way home and when I got in but hey he didn't see any of that so it doesn't count).
Arsehole.
MY FUCKING EVENING FFS. Why would any sane person ... Sigh. Anyway. Whatever.
I said 'why did you come tonight then?' And he said 'these are my friends, you can't stop me seeing them.'
My fucking leaving drinks. Only about 15 people, all of whom I've worked with closely. He worked with 2 - me, and my boss. There was no need for him to be there, and if he genuinely wasn't interested then he probably woulda noticed my embarrassing behaviour (the postcard! Facepalm!) and bailed out. Surely.
Arsehole. I want to think well of him but I just can't find an explanation that does that.
Sorry for the delay in reporting back but I've been having a work-detox on hols. And today was my first day back and I'm sitting in a totally different bit of the office (which is all weird and Important-People and stuff but that's a whole other thread) and I'm totally fine about it now.
Except that I think he's an epic arsehole while also thinking I am a total loser who must have been psychotic to think someone like him (or indeed anyone in fact) would fancy me.
So, yay for self esteem hey.
But at least I sorted it out one way or the other.
Arsehole.
Thanks so much for all your support everyone, you've been absolutely magic.
That last bit sounded sarcastic but it wasn't, I honestly do appreciate everyone who's posted for their support so thank you
The most positive interpretation I can put onto it (and I'm trying, believe me) is that he is still really hurting over his ex dumping him and he enjoyed the flattery but when it became onerous he took the opportunity to exact some of the hurt he has been feeling onto me.
I can understand that, I've been in that really crushing heartbreak situation where you lose it for a few months and will try to hurt people almost casually.
I'm not excusing him and it doesn't change anything btw. Just given that I work in his vicinity I'd rather attribute it to that than let it overwhelm me with the arseholery of the whole thing. Iyswim.
Charitable thoughts etc.
Arsehole
What a twunt. 
Still, head up, tits out, move on.
He's still a twunt though....
I second the person who said at least you didn't shag him! That would've been worse
just
Op, do not eve bdare to think of yourself as a loser! that's irrational. You come across as really nice, fun and charming imo. Someone (or not just one) will appreciate!
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Thanks everyone
I'm glad I've for a really absorbing new job to focus on for the next few months - no more adventures in office 'romance' for me !!
I really do appreciate everyone who has posted, thank you so much, I never thought I'd get this many replies!
what an arse, glad you got some closure on that idiot. Good luck with your new job! 
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