What does your dh think of strip clubs?

[Mapleissweet]

What do your dh think of strip clubs? I am against them and would be very upset if my dh went to one. Dh says he would never go but I get the impression that if it wasn't a deal breaker he would go to them on occasion.
Dh says that he is the only one in his office who hasn't been or doesn't go. He works in a professional environment with men ranging from graduates up to married older men.
I don't know why but it rattles me that the implication I should be 'pleased' that he doesn't go. I said he must work in a sleazy office.
I just have very little respect for men who go to these places. Paying for women to gyrate their vaginas in their face, whilst their dw are at home caring for the children.
Don't know what I'm asking just that the whole thing annoys me and I'm not sure why given my dh doesn't go.

I think there are two main strands to this- often highlighted on here.

1. Whether or not we trust our dps to go to a strip club without being overcome by desire and immediately demanding a private dance/room whatever.

And

1. Whether or not the whole idea of strip clubs is acceptable in terms of feminism/human rights/misogyny/exploitation.

In dps opinion-and mine- the answers are yes and no respectively.

Curfew I would assume the men go because they like seeing naked pretty women with fit bodies. Same reasons we see beautiful half naked women on men's mags (not just tacky mags like Nuts but tech mags like T3 do it too). Same reason they check out pretty women in the street, at work or on a beach. Men and women like to look at attractive men and women.

The more I think about this the less bothered I am. I agree with Curfew that its unlikely trafficked women will be found in mainstream clubs (not saying trafficking doesn't happen). I also doubt that the majority of women will be offering extras. Againn maybe a minority do.

In fact it's a shame we don't have any women that work in this particular industry on the thread so they can tell us the real story instead of the assumptions we are all making. I doubt any of the women that do work in this industry would appear on this thread for fear of been flamed to shreds. From my understanding most not all i understand of the women are making a small fortune (£10 for a 3 min dance on average the guys at work tell me. If they work 8 hours averaging 10 dances an hour thats c.£800 before tax and NI a day).

For me, as long as its legal, the womens choice to do it then I don't see the big issue. I do wonder whether some people are not so much against to the strip clubs but the hate the idea that their DH/DP etc. are paying to watch a pretty, fit naked girl dance for them? So in effect they see this as cheating.

That should be I agree with fatherjake

LittlePeaPod- did you read FatherJake's post that I was referring to?

And you forget several things. Including the fact that the money paid for "dances" doesn't go directly to the women.

Oh, and it wasn't me said that it was unlikely that trafficked women would work in a strip club. However there are many ways of being exploited apart from being trafficked.

And I think you should give women the credit of thinking more deeply about this issue than simply being worried about their dps cheating on them.

Curfew I didn't read father post. Just thought I would agree with him for the sake of it ! How do you know that the money doesn't go directly to the women? Have you worked in one of these clubs or do you know any women that work in these clubs? From what the guys at work say these girls get every penny and pay the club a 10% - 20% commission. Again this may not be true but I don't work their so I can't say either way.

You are right, there are many ways of been exploited but this can and does happen many other walks of life.

And I wasn't saying women don't think more deeply than that their partners are cheating. I was raising a valid point that in some situations it may well be the thought their partner watching another woman naked drives their beliefs.

I ask because "Personally I'm not a big fan of strip clubs though have been for a few stag dos and I think you would find it remarkable how 'unsexy' the whole thing is. The general protocol is to stand and have a few drinks at the bar and shift around slightly uncomfortable if a girl comes up to see if you want a dance. No-one is under any illusion they will do any more than - possibly - see a naked girl" doesn't seem to tie in with your contention that men go there to see fit pretty girls.

Curfew as with everyone that is your view on these places based on your experience. You can't possibly say that every other man (I am assuming you are a man) thinks the same as you. For all you know some if these men really enjoy it. Certainly the guys at my work all go and take clients (including some on my behalf) often enough so they must enjoy it. No one drags them there. If men didn't enjoy these places that much then there wouldn't be a demand for so many open.

I am a woman that really isn't bothered either way and it wouldn't be an issue if my DH wentwith a bunch of guys again. I only have an issue with tis if a woman is forced into doing something she doesn't want to do. But, I would feel the same about anything that forces anyone into doing what they don't want to do.

Why on earth are you assuming I am a man?

DH went in Canada, but he was visiting family over there & didn't realise the kind of place he was being taken to 'for a few beers' he was shocked, as it was total nudity & he felt uncomfortable and didn't know where to look. He felt sorry & embarrassed for the girls, but one did speak to him & was paying her way through college.

He's been once in the UK, when drunk & it was a flying visit, for curiosities sake, years ago.

So really, he has no feelings either way.

curfew Sorry if my assumption you are a man was incorrect. I had slightly miss read your post above in relation to stag parties.

Curlew - I think there are two types of strip club visits - one is the classic stag do/end of work night out visit. By their very nature these are one offs and the guys will not be particularly accustomed to having scantily clad ladies wandering around. The atmosphere amongst the guys tends to veer between embarrassment and the kind of schoolboy giggling that send me back to being 12 years old with a p0rn mag.

The second type is the regulars who clearly go to these clubs on a regular basis and are a lot more 'po faced' and serious about the whole thing. They will probably chat to the girls and get to know some of them. I suppose many outsiders would view these as either sad or lonely types though I suspect some of these people veer towards addiction.

What I can say is that neither of the two groups above are getting anything in the way of extras.

Three years ago I worked for a strip club (promoting it!) and whilst I loved my job, it definitely removed the image of it being a sexy and glamorous place.

Quote one of the dancers: "If you're on your period you still lap dance. Just shove your tampon string right up inside your fanny so it doesn't hang out."

Nice!

When I first met DP, it was because I was promoting said club (we had mutual friends too). He went and had a dance! I was happy to get my commission and never imagined we'd end up having children together.

I'm so insecure that if he went to one now I'd be gutted. But I know that's my issue. I'm not sure what he thinks of them really - I expect ambivalent like a lot of others on this thread.

Just to add... 99% of the dancers were NOT "fit and pretty"! The bosses practically begged me to do some dancing. I never obliged!

I think the perception that the girls are hot young things us a myth. Some probably are, but the ones I see smoking outside are rough and weathered.
It's the fantasy rather than the reality.

Yep. It's like all prostitutes are women who love sex funding their PhDs. It makes people feel OK about it to think like that.

DH thinks that they are a bit pathetic. Says he wouldn't choose to go because he has a beautiful sex goddess at home the idea of having to pay someone to show him attention leaves him cold. Now he has a daughter he is starting to rethink from a different point of view.

As an aside, we live nearish to one of the big name clubs and I have a few friends who have or still do work there. They earn fantastic amounts of money for a shift of a few hours and none are coerced or trafficked. However their opinions on it vary. One loves it, a couple are ambivalent and one loathes it. One thing they all think is that the men who visit are complete mugs.

The definetly are mugs if they think these women actually think anything other than "kaching kaching, here comes another cash machine".

I really would live to hear from one or a few of the women that work there.

My DP has been on stag nights occasionally in the past, but says he found them to be very depressing, cynical places, that the women were just after your money (duh yeah! did you think they wanted punters for their fascinating conversational skills?!)

He has said he wouldn't go again, mainly I think because he didn't really enjoy the experience, but also because he knows I don't like the idea and would lose respect for him if he did go.

I said that it's one reason I'd be worried about marrying him, as he has the kind of friends who would want to coerce him into going for a stag night, even if he expressed a wish not to.

He assures me that wouldn't happen and that if it came up as a work thing that he would try to steer the party elsewhere, although he says that he thinks his company may lose clients because they don't 'treat' customers to this kind of entertainment as other companies do.

I have explained that there are probably many more reputable companies who would be put off dealing with this type of organisation and that if there are women involved in the decision making process that it would totally alienate them, so all companies should be finding more appropriate ways to entertain clients. I hope think he got it.

TwoSteps I work for a global organisation (infact it's the biggest organisation and most respected in it's sector globally). We have plenty of women in senior positions. Our clients include ftse 250 companies and some of the most well known national/global companies in the UK. The people we work with are board level directors. Trust me, these individuals dont make their decision on which companies they work with based on something like this. Business is business, they want to work with companies that will help them grow their bottom line. They dont give a flying hoot about the entertainment. In fact these are some of the very same clients I mentioned we (my male colleagues) take to these clubs as well as the races, motor sports, tennis, football etc.

I work between Yorkshire, Lancashire and London (manly Yorkshire/Lancashire). From my experience this is far more common place in the City than it is in the regions. I am sure other people's experiences will be different.