What does your dh think of strip clubs?

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What do your dh think of strip clubs? I am against them and would be very upset if my dh went to one. Dh says he would never go but I get the impression that if it wasn't a deal breaker he would go to them on occasion.
Dh says that he is the only one in his office who hasn't been or doesn't go. He works in a professional environment with men ranging from graduates up to married older men.
I don't know why but it rattles me that the implication I should be 'pleased' that he doesn't go. I said he must work in a sleazy office.
I just have very little respect for men who go to these places. Paying for women to gyrate their vaginas in their face, whilst their dw are at home caring for the children.
Don't know what I'm asking just that the whole thing annoys me and I'm not sure why given my dh doesn't go.

I don't get the appeal of chippendales either, just doesn't do anything for me.

I guess in the end that's the best thing, if you and your partner are compatible, whether that means you both like the clubs, you're both ambivalent, or both turned off by them.

Personally I think there's a huge double standard that women watching men strip is "earthy fun" and "a laugh". Why? If watching a woman strip is the exploitation of a woman's body by a man, why is watching a man strip not? You can't just generalise that all the men are happy to be stripping and aren't doing it because they need the money desperately, have nothing else to do etc. Just as you can't entirely generalise that there aren't women who are happy stripping.

Either a grown adult watching someone who is being paid a wage to strip is fine, or it isn't, irregardless of their sex.

I got dragged along to a chippendales evening many many years ago (long before I'd given head room to any thoughts about feminism or exploitation). I left after five minutes because I found the whole thing unbelievably cringe-worthy.

I've also attended a strip club (although again, many years ago now).

There are a lot of similarities between the two but the atmosphere is very different IMO. It may be my own perception at fault but the male-stripper seems to have much more autonomy than the female-one. The male strip show seems to be much more about entertainment, via titillation, whereas the female strip-show seems to be much more about titillation masquerading as entertainment. Semantics possibly, but to me it seems an important distinction. It feels very different. That may be because I am a woman. A male may have exactly the same perception but in reverse. I don't know.

My DH hates them and would never go. I don't mind them and wouldn't mind if he did go! I've been to one of the famous ones in London a couple of times and have several friends who work at them - met them through their involvement in raising some serious money for charity.

I don't like Chippendales either, but it is not really the same. Plenty of women stripping or in lap dancing clubs offer "extras". Plenty of women in strip clubs are trafficked women. I have never heard of either being the case with chippendales.

I think he sees strip clubs as an vaguely amusing idea that he wouldn't actually ever experience. We don't live near any and I don't think I'd be very impressed if he ever did go to one.

Oh god yes, both totally sleazy and cringey but I was saying the atmosphere is different...the purpose is different I think. The intention of the women at chippendales is different from the intention of the men in the strip clubs...generally speaking.

DH hates them. At the last few stag dos he has been to there has been a split in the group between those that go and those that don't. I'm proud of him for being in the group that doesn't go, although he usually comes home stinking of KFC instead. (I'm vegetarian so the poor bloke doesn't get much chance to eat meat)

I think he's more anti them than I am really.

Grennie how do you know that the a lot of the women are trafficked and offer extras? Not saying they don't I am sure they will be some that probably are just wondering what you base that on?

Society does operate double standards Thurlow. Can you imagine a role-reversed version of 'the Full Monty'? No longer a heart-warming semi-comic tale of men fallen on hard times, but the exposure of the sleazy exploitation of desperate women driven to strip through poverty.

Various research e.g. in Leeds, has found trafficked women.

Talk to anyone who has worked in a number of strip clubs or lap dancing clubs. In the majority of the clubs, there will be some women who do offer "extras". And clubs turns a blind eye to this. I know a lot of women who have worked in a variety of these places.

DH went once and had a dance fom a woman there. He's never been back to one and thinks they are deeply unsexy and a rip off. He went with his brother who complained that DH embarrassed him by not being enthusiastic enough! He refused to go to one on his stag do and came home when he realised they had got him a stripper.
I had a very interesting and rather sad conversation with a dancer at a beer trade fair years ago. She was a student with a young child. Hated the job, hated the men that went to the club but saw it as the only way for her to earn enough to get through Uni and make a good life for herself and her child.

Each to their own I guess but not for me, not my sort of thing. Not from a moral stand point or the fact that I'm married. I just don't see what the attraction is.

He wouldn't- being aware of the potential for unsexy exploitation, finding the idea of paying for sexual gratification appalling and for finding the sexism and objectification depressing.

He hates porn too and is vocal in his objections to clubs and porn having surprised co workers more than once with his refusal to join them on nights out involving either.

I hate chippendale type stuff but the big difference is that you tend to get a pack of men and a room of women at a distance rather then individual women surrounded by a group of men, a different power dynamic.

I think there is a lot more groping of male strippers. I believe there is zero tolerance of touching at 'female' strip clubs

After very many years working in nightclubs - long distant now, please believe me that male strippers certainly do offer extras, extras which are enthusiastically taken up by audience members, sometimes on the stage, in front of the audience, sometimes in dessing rooms. The difference, I suspect, is that no money changes hands.

Definitely not at the Chippendales/Dreamboys level, but then I expect that strippers offering extras to men do not, on the whole, work in "premier" venues.

"a pack of men and a room of women"

The Chippendales format is very sanitised but I've certainly been to a few private women-only parties where the (male) stripper ends up being covered in baby oil and groped within an inch of his life....

I'm not denying that there aren't trafficked women and strip clubs that act as a front for prositution. It's a horrendous problem.

I just don't see how we, as a society, can effectively tackle this by saying that "oh, but women looking at me is much nicer, women really aren't lusting after these men in the same way."

You just can't argue that men shouldn't be objectifying women if you say it is ok for women to objectify men.

As you say, Dahlen, many men probably feel the same about looking at a female stripper as women feel looking at men. Yet it's being judged differently.

Or to put it another way, it's kind of like saying it is disgusting and objectifying of my DP to say that Christina Hendricks has phenomenal boobs, but it is not disgusting and objectifying for me to say Alexander Skarsgard has a spectacular arse. Because I'm a woman, and I'm nicer.

I said Thurlow that I don't agree with the chippendales either.

Skully DH's stance on lap dancing really hardened when we had our first daughter, he thought they were just rubbish before due to his one and only visit but since then he's now much more against them.

There has been a lot of research into the backgrounds of women who work in the sex industry. As a result of that, some researchers have placed the figure of women who have been trafficked/coerced/addicted/forced through desperation as high as 75%. Others place it less high but still as a significant proportion.

You have to allow for the fact that to some extent the population involved in the research will be self-selecting, which may appear to inflate the figures of course, but that will be tempered to some degree by the number of women who are adamant they are doing so willingly and quite evangelical about that but it could be argued they are suffering a horrific degree of cognitive dissonance (e.g. were systematically abused as children or have an abusive partner who is 'supportive' of what they do).

I think it is a statistical probability that there are women in these industries who enjoy what they do and are doing it under no pressure whatsoever. (Personally I would argue that while this career may be a good move for them as individuals, it is damaging to women as a gender group because it perpetuates the objectification of women, but that's another issue). However, I think for every woman doing it from this background there are probably an awful lot more who are doing it for the wrong reasons. As a punter I would have no way of knowing which was which, and I wouldn't trust the management (who are, after all, simply a profit-making organisation operating under capitalist rules) to make the distinction with the necessary due care and attention. I could not find it remotely entertaining or arousing to watch someone strip knowing that they may well be there under duress - no matter how big the smile on their face.

Sex sells and our culture normalises that, particularly these days with the easy access to free online porn. I think a lot of men end up in strip clubs without a moment's thought about what goes on behind the scenes and I can allow for youthful naivety and ignorance. However, once you've had an intelligent discussion on the issue, IMO you can't frequent these places without it saying something about your attitude to women and exploitation.

I think I'm really open minded and will mostly go along with anything, we both openly use porn etc but my dp is fully aware that if he ever went to a strip club I would end our relationship.

I'm not sure why but it's a huge thing for me, a massive issue, yet I've no idea why??

I trust him 100% but strip clubs are a complete NO!

I think strip clubs are disgusting. In my view the principle is the exact same for the male strip groups like dreamboys. Don't let a bunch of screaming ladies, laughs and whistles think it's any different. When I watched the documentary on dreamboys one of them said he felt trapped doing the job because he needed the income but he felt very uncomfortable about being made to do the 'towel' routine. I just felt terrible for him. Imagine being in the position where if you don't let a stranger give you a blow job on stage , you face getting sacked and not being able to pay your bills. It really is no different for some of them.